Day 12 is here and I'm feeling great. My rough patch the past two days has past and B"H I am doing better. It's amazing how I can become depressed sometimes because of something someone says to me for no logical reason. The depression was based on my warped perception of what the person said. I must continue to daven to Hashem to give me the right perspective because Icould have avoided the whole two difficult days had I only perceived properly what was said to me. I hope this post is not to vague but I can't go into more detail.

Hoping, happy that things are looking brighter today
Happens to me all the time, I build up in my mind tremendous resentments towards people based on imaginary "crimes" that they did or will do to me. I do this over and over, causing myself needles anxiety.
Rooting for you.
Your new friend
NB

dear noorah - you see, you proved my point. Someone whs is emotionally healthy does not look at people as if they committed crimes against them - this is paranoia. Other people wouldn't really care what someone else is thinking, or planning against them, unless of course they're pointing a gun in their face. But i also bet that you're a sensitive person, and someone who's REAL, someone in touch with reality. Because sensitive people are usually the ones most affected by other people and also have the most trouble. The question is this: how to remain sensitive (which is a GREAT mida to have) but at the same time not care what other people think so you can live a somewhat happy life? I've been working on this for 27 years, ever since I started working. Because at home, and here on the forum, I feel safe. To tell you the truth, most people out there couldn't care less about your feelings.

Dear Jack - it was nice to read someone else is also working on something for a very long time. It gives me a lot of chizzuk, so thanks!

Dear noorah B and hoping - you may be at the point that the fourth step (etc...) was made for! 1-2-3 helps me get free; then I discover I really am just a bit screwed up. That's OK, though, because just like Hashem helped us get out of the mud, he will help us reach for the stars! (BTW, the work of 4 etc. only works for me when done on paper.)

Dear Hoping - How long have you been working on the third step? A week, OK...a month or more :? Here is a suggestion to take or leave: The third step, more than any other, never stops at all. It just starts("made a descision", see "12&12"). Often repeatedly. We rarely grow to "finally" become deeply honest, total, and unforgetting servants of Hashem! It is something we start, then we move on (and start working steps 4+) and grow in it for the rest of our lives.

Hope it was helpful.

Thank you Noora for your words of Chizuk.

Jack your words hit home with me very strongly, only in this case it was worse for me because it was someone who I felt close to (it is easier for me to ignore the feelings and opinions of people that I don't care much about.

Dov- every word of your advice is precious. You have waged and continue to wage a battle that is an inspiration for me every day. Yes,  will look at step #4. You are right; I haven't been at this very long and I have to work on making the steps a part of my life rather than a process which I am going through. Please set me straight at any step along the way. It would be for me a tremendous Chizuk.

Day 13 and i'm feeling great!

People often discuss and wonder why they have been afflicted withthese specific Nisyonos. I had a thought that maybe many of the personalities on this forum were put in this position in order to be a Chizuk in the recovery of others. I can personally say that this forum is what keeps me going and reading advice and chizuk from many of the more experienced strugglers (along with the amazing positive attitude which you convey) is invaluable to me!
Have a good Shabbos everyone!

Another reason as to why some people were given specific Nisyoines is for that is how they know what they came down in this Gilgul to be Mesaken.

The place were a person feels he is being challenged to most that is what he needs to fix in this Gilgul.

Gut Shabbos
Efshar Lesaken

Efshar Letaken wrote on 12 Jun 2009 19:26:


Indeed, this is what the Gra writes in sefer yona(4:3).  Shomer is zoche to have brought this wonderful principle to our attention back in April, over here.  Thanks for reminding us of this yesod.  This yesod is what keeps me so optimistic about my dark past and motivates me for continual growth in teshuvah.

Chart updated. Keep up the great work and inspiration. And KEEP HOPING!

Thank you Guard!

I am happily starting week three and just realized that BE"H 90 days will hit in the middle of Elul. I know it's a bit early for me to think about it and I am tryng to go one day at a time, but I could not help but feel some anticipation to do some real Teshuva this year. I could never really do Teshuva on any Aveiros (even those unrelated to lust) when I felt that I was not truly willing to return to Hashem (ie leave my addiction) I see in the process of working the steps an overall Hiskarvus to Hashem that goes way beyond the scope of Lust or any other individual problem.
May we be Zoche to reach higher and higher in our quest for Kirvas Elokim.

Hoping - please see this post, which can be modified to reflect what an awesome accomplishment it would be to complete your (first) 90 days during the month of Elul.

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=502.0

Dear hoping,
Consider hoping, not hopping ;D
No need to rush getting hold of and early growth in the basics. Why rush past our "second childhood" or try to compress it into as short a period as possible? I write to myself, too, as I find myself trying to do the same thing. Nebach that most kids do the same thing! I couldn't wait to be in high school - then I hated it!! Ahhhh!!!
I imagine Hashem looks at us like I sometimes look at my three-year-old. I think, "boy, I'll miss the pitter-patter slapping of her feet in a year iy"h when she starts walking more "normally" instead of excitedly rushing everywhere! The way her mop of hair flops up and down as she runs down the hall. The way she doesn't really know (or care) what the heck is "really going on" because she is all wrapped up in whatever's right in front of her. It's the most important thing in the world, of course! Ususally it is a doll with lots of hopelessly tangled hair, or something. Then she'll drop it on the floor and go on to the next thing... She trusts her parents implicitly and totally - there is no room for any other provider of her needs. No room for fear of the furture nor for regret about the past. As most kids do, she quickly accepts things exactly as they are and figures out how to have fun w/it because, guess what? There's nothing else to have fun with but reality, is there? I look at her her and think, "My, how cute and sweet!" I feel certain that Hashem sees us that way, especially in early recovery when just getting through the day often requires simple, single-minded focus on the next right step. Why rush it?

I think what Dov is saying is to concentrate on the here and now, and not to worry about the big picture.  I think it's all right to have long term goals, as long as we don't lose sight of "one day at a time."  Dov, do we disagree?

I always appreciate when Dov reminds me to slow down. I have a tendency to see the big picture and I will try to focus on the steps.
Dov-
Do you think there is something wrong with using a long term goal as a motivator to do things properly?

90 days is a terriffic motivator

althoug when  I started 30 days was my LONG TERM GOAL


h&H
bardichev