Oy.
See the Maor Vashemesh somewhere in B'midbar, I think, (good luck finding it! ;D) where he says that the way life often goes for a yid is that he grows tremendously in his youth, then hits a wall (somethimes hard, sometimes softly) and gets scared. "what happenned? I thought I was an ehrlicher yid?! I'm just a schlep! Life is a schlep! What do I do?" Slowly it dawns on him that he needs to take a different tack. He's not a kid any more. Then he starts on a slow, calm growth that lasts the rest of his life. His real mission.
Many of us start in recovery when our addiction explodes and then implodes on itself. We do whatever it takes and make big gains in the early years. Then some of us seem to hit a wall. In my case, I started to backslide and get worse, till I restarted the program in a more serious, simple, and real way - in fear of losing my sobriety and getting flushed down the toilet where my past went. Ichhhhh.
Keep your sobriety date and wear it as a badge of hope, but start from the beginning in your steps. Ask yourself if you still really believe you are unable to use the behaviors you used to depend on, or if you are unable to control them at all and are really finished with them. Then ask hashem to help you saty clean today. I never ask for His help to tomorrow. (Ok, really I do, because I'm not all that healthy, but I usually quickly correct my mistake and ask for only today!)
Then go on with the other steps the same way. Schlep Him with you each time.
It'll be OK.
You are probably more normal than you think. And probably less normal, too.  ;D


 

Hmmmmmmm
Gotta think about that one...