I had a simcha last night and B"H was able to avoid any issues with Shemiras Ainayim. I am on my 5th day and feeling purer than I have in a while.
I know that the road to recovery has to be taken minute by minute, but I feel like I am sitting around waiting for temptation to come(while at the same time trying to avoid it at all costs) so that I can fight it. Of course, while I am so focused the temptation does not come(almost like waiting for a pot to boil). I know that I have to adjust my mindset and not veiw recovery as something that I have to accomplish and get on with my life but rather as a way of life.  I have to take advantage of the fact that I am so focused and use that as a motivation to start on the right long-term path to recovery.  Currently, however, I fear that I am just going through one of the ups in what has been a 20 year roller coaster ride of ups and downs.  I should probably be more nopeful, but this forum is about honesty so I am trying to describe my feelings as accurately as possible.
I daven to Hashem that he should give me the strength to take the necessary steps to make this a permanent road to recovery.

Dear Hoping,

Please read Chizuk e-mails #480, #486 and the bottom part of #487 on this page (scroll down) to get some good perspective on how focused we should be, and if we should be afraid, etc...

guardureyes wrote on 03 Jun 2009 21:55:


I could be wrong, but to me it sounded like dov meant that talking to people who are "normal", meaning people who never have struggled with lust, only made the problem worse because they probably gave bad advice and talked about how easy it should be to turn your back on "such horrible things" by learning some Torah or something. And hearing this kind of talk only adds to the guilt feelings, which in turn exacerbates the addiction. Let me know if I am way off base dov...

Ano, that must be it! You are wise...

B-I-N-G-O! And what made it really bad for me was that they really mean it from the bottom of their hearts. Ouch.

dov I know that you are 10000%

many of these people have good intentions

some of them are perfectly dis-honest

others have their head in the ground

it is frustrating

Dov is right again!

bardichev

This is bringing back memories of speaking to Rabonim to get help and being told- "just exert a little self control", or "I know what your'e going through I had an addiction to coffee and thorugh will power got through it"

They mean well, but do not understand, this forum is the place to get help!!!!

dear hoping heilige tzaddik

I had the same feeling of purity the first time I went to chasunah after I started my teshuva?healing process here.

read my story in break free It is mentioned in my first post on this site
http://rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=442.msg4370#msg4370

stay here for the long run .there are so many good people here especially the GUARD he is a tzaddik

it can be done post away we all read everything

humble and happy
bardichev

Day 6 and counting. I'm looking forward to Shabbos
Berditchev, your comments are always uplifting.

I spoke to Elya on the phone yesterday and was on the call last night. It was the firsttime in my life that I verbalized what I was doing to another human. Putting it into words makes it more defined and not as much a part of me. I am having troble with the concept of acknowledging powerlessness because although I know (from too much experience) that I cannot fight this on my own-Ilmalei HKB"H ozro Aino yachol lo- I still need my determination and willpower to go through withthese steps to recovery. I think that I am misunderstanding the concept and would love for someone to clarify.

On another note, I think I would do very well with a sponsor but I am not able to send email from this computer.  Guad, Please advise me how I can arrainge this.

My understanding is that an addict is powerless to simply give up the addiction.  However, if he takes it one day at a time, takes the necessary precautions, and begs Hashem for assistance, it can be done.

Dear Hoping

You are really on the right track and have taken steps that alot of people have not, going on a phone meeting is not easy and to actually verbalise our actions is a major step - do not underestimate how much progress you have made.  I also really relate to your struggle regarding your willpower in recovery, and will relate from my experiance in the SA program.  

When I joined SA over 4.5 years ago, I did not understand what was going on at meetings, I did not understand how the steps will cure me, I was really confused.  What I was not confused about though is that there were people at the meeting who were sharing that they had the same issues as me, some even worse then me and were staying sober.  I was in such a bad place so desperate to stop this; everything I had tried until then had not worked yet, here was a group of people that were actually doing something (the steps etc) and were staying stopped, and in those early months of recovery that gave me such a chizuk that I kept coming back to meetings.  The members at the meeting kept telling me bring the body back and the feelings will follow, and I did and slowly but surely I got sober and stayed sober.  All I needed was 3 ingrediants - honesty open-mindedness and willingness.  Even these past 7 months after I relapsed after 3 years, I kept coming back, and since joining this forum have BH managed again to start getting sober again.

Do not be overwhelmed take it slowly, the addict mind is very confused when coming into recovery - my therapist told me a brilliant line today - "easy does it but do it!", focus on doing the next right thing, what does Hashem want frome me at this moment, take it one moment at a time one day at a time, and if you perservere you will succeed, I have previoulsy posted "how it works"  and the "promises" from AA on this forum, I am sure R' Guard can put a link here read them.  Keep posting and asking.

Keep coming back
London

London gave you a great answer! And I'm hoping Dov or Elya can add their thoughts too... But there's so much to say on this question, that all I can really do is ask you to please read the following links. I hope it will become much clearer:

Chizuk e-mail #441 on this page.
Chizuk e-mail #449 on this page.
Dov's Story: Chizuk e-mail #465 on this page.
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ38.asp
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ20.asp

If you can't send e-mail, how can you have a sponsor? Are you looking for a "phone sponsor"? But I noticed you had an e-mail "IamFreed"... So I assume you can send e-mail from another computer. So please clarify your question...

P.S. You're up on the chart!

hoping wrote on 05 Jun 2009 13:24:


Elya answered this question to battleworn back in Feb.  You can read it by clicking here.  I am sure you will find it helpful.   The way I understood it as that by admitting powerless you are admitting you have a problem.  Once you admit, you can begin on working to solve it. But he first step is admittnce and acceptance.   Elsewhere on these forums dov has spoken about he "revolving door" chevra at his 12 steps.  These people could not truly recognize powerless, and where therefore not committed to long term therapy.    

But of course, like you said you need determination and willpower to win.  When those on this forum were truly determined, they were able to break free in a second.  Defining determination is another topic.  You need true ratzon and the willingness to whatever it takes.  You need to be convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the the yetzer hars has no more control over you in looking at porn.  But like you stated without Hashem results are impossible.

However,  determination and willpower alone is not enough.  You may also need the determination and willpower to deal with the addiction and work on some sort of recovery. 

I think some of these questions are personal.  You will see different people explain their experiences differently.  It is important to know yourself.  All the chizuk and advice on these forums are supposed to be helpful clues for you to discover yourself. 

And remember, just because until now you have been POWERLESS, recovery makes you  POWERFUL.  The primary midah that is responsible for the sickness we call addiction is lack of self control.  Plain and simple.  The desires is a result of that lack of self control. The primary midah that needs to be addressed above all is learning how to take control.  You need to take action.  Hashem will bring the results.  

I wish you the best of luck.  I can see you are in this for the long term. 

Keep up the great work!
Keep growing!
Keep inspiring us!

Lover of All Jews,
yaakov

A very quick point  - we may be "powerless" but we are far from "helpless"