I'm still in the euphoria of having just discovered GYE and have hardly struggled at all with porn in the last week or so. Long may it last. I mean, wait a sec, it is *really* true that only a week ago I was spending all this time surfing porn, alone, in a dark room and only a week ago I masturbated, breaking a period of "sobriety" that had lasted several months? That incident led me to GYE and onto the forum, so I hope those demons are in the process of becoming angels.

OK, euphoria wearing off and I'm realizing that I still have a monster to deal with.

Today I finished my work early and have free-time, so for the first time in a week or so I feel tempted to slip up. But instead I'm posting here and then gonna read some R Avigdor Miller. That's the plan at least.

Id say thats a pretty good plan...

Still going strong, but feeling some strain. Again, spare time is my enemy. I try to get out of the house, but I am in a makom tuma 100% and the things I see and hear make it worse. There is so much pritzus and immorality here, and the (secular) Jews are often worse than the goyim. It's just depressing. I hope I'm getting schar for being in such a spiritual wasteland and trying to keep mitzvos. But I digress.

I definitely am feeling like a much more whole person now, on my 11th day. I feel more able to open up to people socially, not feel embarassed, and I have a genuine sense of being truly loved by Hashem. I have been through a lot of suffering and have reached extremely low points, and it is nothing short of a miracle that I am where I am today.

Also the GYE community is an amazing lifeline for me right now. It reminds me that I'm in a small world here and that there are heiliche yidden out there who share my goals and my outlook. It's a great source of chizuk.

Keep up the good work.  Were here for you!!

I can't help it, I have to post again.

I've been reading posts for a couple hours just now and it's amazing how sincere and strong all these valiant Yidden are. I mean it's incredible. There are yidden all over the world coming out of the woodwork and saying "I want to be better" and taking action to change themselves, the hardest struggle of all. And new people are posting here all the time for no reason other than a sincere desire to be closer to Hashem, to be a better human being, and to connect with other yidden who are doing the same. How do I know those are the motives? Because you don't get prestige by being on GYE. It's not "cool". It's not an exclusive club.

In some ways, this place reminds me of the Vaadim of Eastern Europe where the great Mussar masters would gather in groups and devote years of time and energy to acquiring a midda, like patience for example. They continue to inspire us, the later generation, and so perhaps our grandchildren will marvel at us, how we came together using all our means to conquer the nisyonos of our generation and fight to restore purity to ourselves and to all am yisrael.

Shavua Tov.

aryehtahor wrote on 31 Jan 2010 04:51:


Excuuuuse me?! > > >


:D :D :D Great to find your other thread over here - I didn't see it till now! I spend most of my time just using the "Show new replies to your posts" link, so I don't always get to check new threads.

keep reading and posting - it's great, and it channels your attention to something holy! It IS always inspiring to see how many people come here to grow, become closer to hashem, become better people...heck, to become people! I'm proud to be here with people like you!

B'H still no slips or falls. But I'm getting a little nervous that clouds are on the horizon. So I posted a request for a phone partner. I think it can't hurt to try to preempt this. If you are specifically looking for a phone partner to speak to every couple days, PM me.

Don't look to far ahead.  Live in the moment and just make it to the next moment!!!  KOT!!!

OK sweet. Today is 2 weeks clean.

That's fantastic! keep it up!

Lately I've been doing a pretty good job of staying busy with useful and/or enjoyable things. But sooner or later, I hit a large chunk of time with nothing planned and nothing I have to do. I am in such a chunk right now.

It's those times that the Yetzer Hara attacks hard. I immediately start considering falling, as well as reverting back to other addictions I have had in the past. I really don't know what to do in those times once I'm in them. And I'm in one now. So I'm posting on GYE in the hope that it will somehow rescue me from myself...

BH I haven't fallen in the last 15 days. I hope I can make it past this patch.

Posting here never hurt anyone :D

Check out your other thread i wrote some silly things there!

Anyways have yourself a great shabbos and keep on rollin.

So far so good. Hooked up with a phone partner which I think will help a lot. Went to a Shiur this morning with an awesome Rav. YES! Oh and did I mention : PURIM IS COMING UP!

Glad to hear things are going well! It's good to have a few activities stashed away that you can pull out in quiet times.

Hmm...what should I dress up as for purim...?