I struggled since my teenage years with shmutz.  After a long time of trial and error, GYE helped me to recognize the critical necessity of spotless internet filters and not having a smart phone.  Life is amazing without a smart phone for so many reasons.  

The filters are necessary, but not sufficient.  Dealing with the deeper issues around cultural brainwashing are also critical - the completely false notion that a wife owes her husband sex, that Hashem owes a man sex, that a man cannot survive X amount of days without sex or orgasm - these are deeply ingrained cultural lies.  

Marriage and intimacy are extremely important, but there is no room for selfishness.  Selfishness will destroy a person's life.  Shmutz completely clouds our judgment and discernment about what is selfishness or not - besides an infinite abyss of other terrible problems.

The Torah is emes and the fact that it forbids straying after our eyes and spilling seed is just one facet of proof of its wisdom - what we want are loving marriages that include and consummate in wonderful, loving intimacy.   This is IMPOSSIBLE with shmutz and essentially GUARANTEED without it.

Day 1 on this thread, and I look forward to checking in daily bli neder. 

We have to work on perfect filters as well as some form of therapy to confront how badly it warped our thinking - not because we are bad, but because shmutz is pure evil and Hashem hates it - not because He's a tyrant chas v shalom but because He loves yidden and wants them to have happy marriages..

as a teenager, when i felt abandoned by my parents who worked a lot or did a lot of things without me because we didn't grow up with shabbos - so shmutz became my replacement companion.  this is extremely common worldwide and also extremely sad and unnecessary - but its a nisayon that many fall into, and that's ok.

the heart wrenching problem is that this bled into my marriage where if i felt rejected or abandoned by my wife - because shmutz brainwashed me into thinking that i was not lovable unless i was given erotic treatment - to soothe my hurt and sense of rejection - but actually shmutz, by replacing feeling rejected as a teenager, created the real monster of a false rejection - as if to say that if im not treated like a king with sexual gratification, like in the clips, must mean my wife is rejecting me - PURE EVIL what this stuff does to pure, good, yidden with amazing wives that just want their love.

see through the brainwashing - don't touch it at all because it warps the soul and makes a person hate themselves for no reason and then hurt others, for no reason. 

Discovering Your "Why":

• Assess the Costs: Consider the consequences of not changing. How is your habit impacting your life, relationships, and aspirations? - waste of time.  fatigue. low mood.  feeling like a hypocrite.  all of this impacts health and opportunities for growth in ruchnias and gashmius.  it is the tikkun of this dor to turn away and hashem blesses tremendously for it.

• Envision the Benefits: Imagine yourself after making significant progress. How will you feel? What new opportunities will open up for you?  healthier physically and spiritually, i anticipate more bracha in my life. 

• Align with Your Values: Reflect on what truly matters to you (yiddishkeit, family, personal growth). How does this change align with your deepest values?  of course it goes to very pashut values of being faithful husband and father

Crystallize Your "Why":

1. Start a Change Journal: Dedicate a notebook, Google Doc, or any format that resonates with you to chronicle your journey.

2. Capture Your "Why": In your journal, write down your "Why" in a way that feels authentic and powerful to you. It could be a few heartfelt sentences, a list of reasons, or even a symbolic drawing.
   
   why - because it is a waste of time.  because it hurts and poisons shalom bayis and hurts my relationship with my kids.  it makes me feel disgustring.  HKBH hates it and will bless me for continued hatzlacha in it and already has blessed me for my current level of hatzlacha in it. 

3. Keep It Close: Place your written "Why" somewhere you'll see it regularly – a daily reminder of the profound reasons behind your commitment to change.

A realization and something I wish someone told me before I got married:

It is difficult to wait completely until marriage in all forms of sexuality - but there is a tremendous gift there - it is not because Hashem wants to see us squirm, or deprive us, or chas v shalom that it's actually not required to wait until marriage.

The tremendous gift and opportunity is this: when a person is able to actualize the fact that they are not ruled over and imprisoned by their desire - they are not conquered by their desire - rather, their desire is under their shlita, their control - they can use and wield and utilize desire at their disposal exactly how they choose

THEN - when they do get married, their wife will desire them very much.  They will rule over their wife, and only in the holiest most pure and loving way - meaning, their wife will desire them, because their wife will see that they are a kadosh, and not only that - that the intimacy they have to give to their wife is amazing, powerful, holy, and exactly what they want - they will desire their husband.

The opposite is so sadly true when a man does not understand this secret - instead, he becomes a slave and beggar to his desire, and a slave and beggar to his wife - she has the "goods," and he has to wait like a starving animal until his wife can give him his next fix.

All of this is no exaggeration - it is the truth.  This is the GIFT that is inherent in a man learning to abstain until it is time for his wife and him to be together.  Think on this very well - I am try to do teshuva on this now that my wife is not available for many months because of pregnancy complications and then a baby coming where she will be assur for a while - so, based on this, BARUCH HASHEM!  BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!