I'm 32 days into my journey. Just had enough of it. But I've been downright sad for most of these 32 days and so not myself. Just thought I would share that. Helps to get it off my chest. I hope it goes away soon, cuz i don't know how much longer my wife can cope with this version of me. As proud as I am of myself, within my current sadness, frankly, I don't want to be around myself either. Not suicidal G-d forbid, I'm just annoying to be around. Can't be easier for everyone around me.  I need a real celebration, but sadly i'm struggling to take joy in my incredibly blessed life in the moment. First post.

If you are referring to depression it would be worthwhile to try behavioral activation. There is a workbook about it called Getting Out of Depression One Step at a Time. I briefly described behavioral activation over here:

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/399000-My-long-journey?limit=15&start=45#422020

There is one thing that you have to be careful with behavioral activation and that is that you continue doing your regular activities of functioning like davening, learning and working because it can become tempting to replace them with things you enjoy doing. Other than that, my psychologist says that behavioral activation is safe for everyone who has depression.

Google AI says that depression is a temporary withdrawal symptom from pornography use. 

Don't make the mistake of having setbacks because of temporary withdrawal symptoms. Behavioral activation should be capable of treating it effectively.

Is this your body's way of telling you need porn and masturbation? If so, you're in the right place. A lot of the internal work people do is around reframing their mindset for porn and masturbation. Come jump in the water's warm!

rakchazak613 wrote on 25 Aug 2025 13:38:

i don't know if my next few words will be helpful or not but i decided to say it either way and you could take out of it whatever you want.

I don't know how much longer your wife would've be able to cope with your old version of livening a double life. One day she would've figured out what's going on and it would've been much worser then the temporary pain that you and here are experiencing right now. Submit.

rakchazak613 wrote on 25 Aug 2025 13:38:

I relate to all of this, and my wife can get super annoyed by sober, yet irritated and sometimes sad - me.

We tend to gravitate to lust to soothe underlying issues, and then they come to the forefront when we stop, however as the brain gets used to the new version of us, the pain and the sadness will lose is sting somewhat, that's been my experience atleast.

It's not easy and that's why support and friendships with guys that get it can be very helpful. 

mggsbms wrote on 25 Aug 2025 15:08:

May I suggest that you read mggsbms’s relatively recent thread entitled “a continuous struggle”? There’s a lot to learn and I think you may find tremendous chizzuk. Here’s a link https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/436206-A-continuous-struggle#436206

and here’s a warm hand, 
chaim oigen 

Same boat as you - except I'm on constant day 0....

Today I'm finally feeling more similar to my former self for the first time since I began my streak. It probably has to do with the fact that I finally posted on the forum yesterday. So thanks for listening and replying.     I never thought the hardest part of maintaining a streak this long would be such intense sadness. I'm assuming that life on the other side is worth the temporary uncomfortability. Please tell me this is worth the price. How much longer?

The following is from Google AI but from what I have seen on the forum it usually takes less time to get rid of depression than what Google AI is saying. It takes 3-6 months to get rid of the addiction and rewire the brain but depression doesn't usually last that long. At the end of the process you will feel better than ever before as many people have testified. I can't go into professional websites because of my filter. Google AI:

Months 1–3 and beyond: Lingering psychological symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, and anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure from everyday activities), may persist for months, especially for those with a long history of compulsive use. Full brain rewiring and balancing of brain chemicals can take 3 to 6 months.

Hi, welcome! Please read the book Feeling Good by David Burns. It's the CBT classic for dealing with depressions. Also check out recreateyourlife.com/free for fixing low self-esteem, which often is at the root of depression. Hatzlocha!

Also, if you don't feel excitement when you win battles, just like that you didn't mess up but not that you accomplished something great and unique, please read The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation.
and listen to this shmuz mytat.me/a389568