Hi everyone!
Looking for some support and Chizuk on my 90 day journey. (You can check out my Story in the "Introduce yourself" section)
After about a 2 month streak of no M I fell for a few days. BH no P for over a month.

Back on track now, day 4 of no M!
I have an Amazing Mentor.
Started reading TBOTG, great book.
I've read pretty much every Shmiras Einayim book out there, but this is something else.

I find that most of my struggles with M are when I go to bed at night, even if I was careful not to be "Looking around" all day.
I'll lay down, finally relax, and BOOM the YH is there: "Come on, you need it to relax", and "Just one more time never hurt anyone, you can always get back up, you have the GYE Forum to support you" and "If you 'fight' me for the next 10+ minutes you'll just be more tired tomorrow so just get it over with, act out now, and then you can fall asleep".
Anyone have similar experiences? What works for you?

It may work to create a new bedtime routine.  Don’t “relax” or have empty time in bed. Use the bed to sleep.  Read or learn or listen to something productive when you get into bed if you don’t fall asleep within a minute or two. 

Shalom Brother mesayinoso,

Sounds like you are working hard - keep it up!

I struggled with rationalization and crossing small lines, like touching but only a little, or not going to 'finish' that almost always led to masturbation by the end.

It helped me to make up my mind that no amount of touching or stimulation is ok. Once I firmed my resolve not to play games on the slippery slope, it helped me maintain that all forms were off limits. When I am in bed, no hands below the waist, full stop. Don't give it an inch of space. If you feel a pull, lock your fingers together near your head or under your pillow for a few minutes and think about something else - maybe say Shema and think about the words.

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

vehkam  wrote:

Thanx for your response! Just seeing people respond really helps, but:
I tried this a while ago (Like 5 yrs ago) and I found that it worked for a bit but once the YH figured out what I was doing he just only came after I finished reading/learning at which point I would go back to the book/sefer and the cycle would repeat itself until I gave up. In fact, at one point I was learning in bed until I literally fell asleep on the Sefer... which, besides for making me really tired the next day, only worked for a few days, at which point the YH somehow made me start thinking about M while I was still learning...

BenHashemBH wrote:

I will deff try this, I especially like the Shma Idea.
Thanx for the Chizuk and idea!

mesayinoso wrote on 17 Jul 2025 14:33:

if a book/sefer doesn't work, you can try listening to speakers that you find interesting or even music.  you can mix it up too.  the main thing is to keep your mind occupied as best you can.   

wishing you lots of success
vehkam

I would try doing something to distract you, listening to some hotline (kosher of course) on the phone or reading something interesting....

BH! Day 5.
I won't be able to post again till Sunday, so giving an update now.
Still need some help with unobjectifying woman, where can I find a shiur/article about that?

But my main struggle is when I get into bed at night and I want to go back to my useless and unhelpful, yet addictive, pacifier of M.
I lay there and I'm arguing with myself:
Me A- I need this to help me fall asleep.
Me B- No I don't, I'm just used to doing it.
Me A- Ok maybe I don't NEED it but I really want to, it feels good.
Me B- It only feels good for those few seconds, and then I feel like garbage after cuz I can't control myself.
Me A- forget the after, right now it will feel good, and then you can go to sleep. 
Me B- But I'm not really doing it for those few seconds, I'm doing it to make you, Me A, go away and stop bothering me
Me A- Ok so do it already!
Me B- but you're only gonna go away temporarily for tonight, you'll be right back tomorrow, if not 10 minutes later, and you're gonna leave me to deal with myself feeling like I'm not in control, unhappy, far from hashem and my wife.
Me A- You're overthinking it, just do it! it feels good!
Me B- No! Go away! I hate you! Hashem help!
Me A-....I'm still here...

And repeat

Somehow I BH didn't do it last night, but how is this supposed to work long-term? When will Me A stop piping up? The fight is exhausting.

Your struggling brother, MesayinOso

Amazing each day is a victory!!
I also struggled with this,not that I needed to masturbate in order to sleep but rather that was my only quiet time the whole day so I relaxed with that.
I was inspired to stop 2 years ago because I planned a trip to e”y and I wanted to be clean for it.  Baruch HaShem I’m still clean maybe with one slip. 
so maybe reward yourself with something…. 
amother suggestion is to recognize before you go to bed that it’s a battle zone so like everyone else said be prepared
it’s very hard to break away from it but when you do ,you won’t want to go back. 
hatzlacha