Kinda hesitant to share this. But I had a hergesh from a current event I wanted to unload. If someone thinks this crosses into lashon hara please lmk and I'll delete.

There was a headline about a yungerman in lakewood who asked was arrested and accused of propositioning a minor. And to be clear, I firmly believe he is totally innocent and they almost certainly came down hard on him out of anti-semitism. Word has it that the lakewood police department needs to be cleaned up. That being said.

I saw the articles saying things like, "an avreich, a father of eight, his kid in the backseat, and they think he would proposition a male teenager!?!? How ridiculous!!! Anti-semitism!!"
And it made me wanna cry. I think we all know around here that being in kollel, a father of eight, and, yes, even having a your toddler in the backseat doesn't mean much to someone sick with lust. 

The slippery slope is real. Internet porn may not end up with propositioning teenaged boys in a car wash. But it could, or at least, it could end somewhere just as bad. And the time to stop is now, because at some point it really is too late. I really don't want my rock bottom to be in the back of a police car. . .   

Which makes a wonderful opportunity to bring this gem back to the forefront

OH MY LORD! I just read the link redfaced just posted back to chosemyshems old post and it is legit terrifying it really makes you think about where P could lead you. Ten points.

chosemyshem wrote on 19 Jun 2024 16:17:

Yep I definitely tasted it
Need to wash my brain out
Thanks for the mussar

And so but the funny part is despite all the inspiration I started the day with yesterday it still ended with copious amounts of porn. 

Q for the chevra:
Here I am, about three months sober from masturbation and yet for the past few weeks I've been binging pretty heavily on porn. Is it perhaps because I've been successfully staying away from masturbation the porn has gotten worse (and by worse I mean worse than at the beginning of my recent clean streak but by no means worse than it ever was)? Meaning, either because there's no natural end to the porn sesh or because I'm being moreh heter that since it won't end in ejaculation it's not so bad.
Or is it just lust doing its thing and I'm resisting partially? 

Curious to hear the velt's thoughts, opinions, and amateur Freudian psychology. It's a little bit of weird situation I find myself in. 

Shalom Shem,

I don't know if interesting is the right word, but interesting observation that it's possible that the porn watching is longer due to the absence of masturbation. 

If I decide to go on a cookie diet but 'allow' cake, I'm likely to eat more cake in lieu of said cookies. There is still some self-control in not eating both, but 'allowing' the cake makes it an 'easy' replacement for the lack of cookies. If I stop eating cake too, that makes it harder to not eat the cookies. 

You essentially have a way to cheat your diet, even if it's not with the worst thing, and this alternate indulgence is almost automatically stepping up. You'll binge on the 'heter' because you are committed to a clause of the diet more than the diet itself. I go to the gym twice a week like I said I would, but I just sit in the hot tub instead of hitting the treadmill. I made progress by getting out of the house and to the gym, but now I'm hindering that progress by avoiding the workout.

A few times in the hot tub or 'accidental' porn while not masturbating is different than consistently turning to porn and starting to lose touch with the reason you came to the gym in the first place.

As an aside - porn is a much more thorough mode of distraction / escape than masturbation, which plays out as a much harder challenge if you looking for and enjoying the distraction.


Basically, I think everything that you said is nogeah. 

Seems like the next step may need to involve some sweating,.
**edit** Just wanted to clarify that I do not mean to say CV that you are not adequately trying or making enough progress. I don't believe that at all. What I intended to convey is the mindset and pattern that I think bears being aware of and thinking about.

Hatzlacha Brother

I'll echo what ChooseShem proposed and what BenShem said in response to ChooseShem: porn is a much more thorough mode of distraction/escape than masturbation.

For a long time, up until recently, I did the same thing you described, I didn't masturbate (at least not to porn) but I found myself watching porn more often and for far longer than when masturbating to it. I think it's a direct result. Without the masturbatory release, the brain stays in a heightened state of arousal. Usually, masturbation puts an end to that, and afterwards you don't want to know that porn exists.

I'm not here to talk about the Jewish/Halachic/Kabalistic perspective, I'm also not saying this is true for everyone, but from a purely physical point of view and for me, watching porn without masturbating has greater negative effects than simple P&M.

Interesting feedback and good points. I do think I've always been more attracted to porn than masturbation and that may have something to do with it as well. Hmmm.

Said interesting feedback did nothing to stop me continuing watching some porn today. 

Boss contacted me that we got hacked. That threw me into a panic that I went on some shady porn site which infected the office network, or even if I didn't, that the investigation into what happened will turn up my porn use. That did scare me straight for the remainder of the day. . . 

Checking in quickly.

Bad week. Bad day. Bad.

Lotta porn this week. Lotta avoiding responsibilities in ways that'll hurt. 

I realized that I'm actually in a pretty bad place with lust (despite not masturbating for awhile) and need to take it seriously.

Despite that realization I still spent the whole day watching porn. Not good. In fact, I'd say bad. Very Bad.

Thank you for being so open with your struggles. Hashem should bless you this coming week with happiness and strength. Hashem should help you find ways to make more gedarim.