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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Work in progress 28261 Views

Re: Work in progress 26 Jun 2025 00:24 #437964

  • vehkam
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I am lucky that my wife knows everything about my history and my recovery.  There are not that many people here that have that luxury.  Even so, without me spelling it out for her, she had no idea of how much planning and awareness goes into shmiras einayim every time I travel into the city for work.

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.

I recently described the process to my wife, and she was amazed that so much thought goes into this.  Women generally don’t have to think about this at all.  There are so many of you who are doing the same thing on a daily basis.  I know that most of you don’t have the liberty of sharing your fails but perhaps you can find an opportunity to share these wins.

Wishing you continued success

vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 02:33 #438026

  • cleanmendy
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vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.


What I take out of this post, is how a person can change himself and be so in control of his thoughts and actions! We all have this power, thank you vehkam for showing us how far we can get in this fight!! 

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 12:53 #438034

  • redfaced
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cleanmendy wrote on 27 Jun 2025 02:33:

vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.


What I take out of this post, is how a person can change himself and be so in control of his thoughts and actions! We all have this power, thank you vehkam for showing us how far we can get in this fight!! 

Not so much to be in control of his thoughts, but more, to be mindfully in control of actions, which in turn benefit thoughts.

Something that all of us are working on.
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 13:07 #438036

  • vehkam
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cleanmendy wrote on 27 Jun 2025 02:33:

vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.


What I take out of this post, is how a person can change himself and be so in control of his thoughts and actions! We all have this power, thank you vehkam for showing us how far we can get in this fight!! 

i would not say that i am in total control of my thoughts. there are often unwanted thoughts that pop in!

I do try to treat my relationship with hashem in a way that is real.  The same way i would go out of my way to do anything for a girl that i was pursuing - i try to have the same passion and drive in my relationship with hashem.  When we are passionate about something we generally will do whatever it takes to make it work.  The rbs'o has everything.  The one gift that i can offer hashem is to take something that is difficult and do it because it is ratzon hashem.  When i feel that attraction, that desire to look etc... i have a decision in front of me.  I can indulge in a momentary pleasure or i can take that pleasure and offer it as a gift to the rbs'o by saying no i will not look.  with this perspective i believe that a feeling of closeness develops.  the rbso has been so good to me, i cherish the opportunities to show my appreciation.

this does not mean that i am 100% successful every time, but this is the mindset that i try to have.

best wishes for continued success
vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 27 Jun 2025 13:10 by vehkam.

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 13:14 #438037

  • chaimoigen
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vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

I am lucky that my wife knows everything about my history and my recovery.  There are not that many people here that have that luxury.  Even so, without me spelling it out for her, she had no idea of how much planning and awareness goes into shmiras einayim every time I travel into the city for work.

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.

I recently described the process to my wife, and she was amazed that so much thought goes into this.  Women generally don’t have to think about this at all.  There are so many of you who are doing the same thing on a daily basis.  I know that most of you don’t have the liberty of sharing your fails but perhaps you can find an opportunity to share these wins.

Wishing you continued success

vehkam


I have found (and suggested to others) that using the Vayimaen messages as a conversation piece can a great way to introduce the conversation to one's wife. 90,000 Yiddin watch them, so there's nothing shameful about being part of the positive conversation about working on growth in Shmiras Enayim. In this context, it helps take the topic into the open in a way without shame and secrecy.
Among other benefits, this can help planning for trips in the summer properly etc be far easier.
Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Perhaps you'd enjoy seeing Chaim's Oigen

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 13:27 #438038

  • cleanmendy
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chaimoigen wrote on 27 Jun 2025 13:14:

vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

I am lucky that my wife knows everything about my history and my recovery.  There are not that many people here that have that luxury.  Even so, without me spelling it out for her, she had no idea of how much planning and awareness goes into shmiras einayim every time I travel into the city for work.

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.

I recently described the process to my wife, and she was amazed that so much thought goes into this.  Women generally don’t have to think about this at all.  There are so many of you who are doing the same thing on a daily basis.  I know that most of you don’t have the liberty of sharing your fails but perhaps you can find an opportunity to share these wins.

Wishing you continued success

vehkam


I have found (and suggested to others) that using the Vayimaen messages as a conversation piece can a great way to introduce the conversation to one's wife. 90,000 Yiddin watch them, so there's nothing shameful about being part of the positive conversation about working on growth in Shmiras Enayim. In this context, it helps take the topic into the open in a way without shame and secrecy.
Among other benefits, this can help planning for trips in the summer properly etc be far easier.

Thanks that's a great idea! I have also shared pieces from TBOTG with my wife, helped her understand a lot of what I deal with. 
Sharing about my struggles in this way, when its not just me, but Klal Yisroel, has helped me get some validation that I desperately wanted from her. When I started my journey here, I wished she could share in my wins (but couldnt, because it wouldnt have been good for us). Sharing ideas that I have learnt about in general Shmiras Eynayim, not staying away from clubs etc... has helped me a great deal get that validation and bring us closer.

Re: Work in progress 27 Jun 2025 14:42 #438040

  • mggsbms
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chaimoigen wrote on 27 Jun 2025 13:14:

vehkam wrote on 26 Jun 2025 00:24:

I am lucky that my wife knows everything about my history and my recovery.  There are not that many people here that have that luxury.  Even so, without me spelling it out for her, she had no idea of how much planning and awareness goes into shmiras einayim every time I travel into the city for work.

Where to stand, where to sit, do I rush to disembark, or do I stay back for a moment… especially in the summer these are all micro decisions that are made on a daily basis.  Picking up the pace (or purposely slowing down) as I head to the escalator and timing it so that I am hopefully looking up at a man in front of me or at least someone that is not dressed in a revealing fashion.  Sometimes I miscalculate or someone turns up out of nowhere and the challenge is to figure out whether to stare at the ceiling or the floor.  Then I get to the street, and I get to make these decisions all over again.

I recently described the process to my wife, and she was amazed that so much thought goes into this.  Women generally don’t have to think about this at all.  There are so many of you who are doing the same thing on a daily basis.  I know that most of you don’t have the liberty of sharing your fails but perhaps you can find an opportunity to share these wins.

Wishing you continued success

vehkam


I have found (and suggested to others) that using the Vayimaen messages as a conversation piece can a great way to introduce the conversation to one's wife. 90,000 Yiddin watch them, so there's nothing shameful about being part of the positive conversation about working on growth in Shmiras Enayim. In this context, it helps take the topic into the open in a way without shame and secrecy.
Among other benefits, this can help planning for trips in the summer properly etc be far easier.

My wife shares them with me.. go figure..
Aka -  Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Jun 2025 19:27 by mggsbms.
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