You’re a real fighter.  Have you converted yet? Do you think you can get closer to a community? how much longer do you have in college? Can you switch schools? Being by yourself is going to get you burnt out. There’s only so much that you can push.  
I wish you lots of luck

abieham wrote on 15 Apr 2025 17:22:

- Not yet.
- Maybe, that's what I'm working on now.
- About 3 years left.
- I haven't done any research on that.
Thank you for you good wishes!

Day 12:

By studying Torah, I was able to get rid of no good thoughts.

Day 13:

I already have an appointment for an interview with a Jewish community, this should cheer me up or give me peace of mind.
But on the contrary, because I feel that placing my hope in people instead of placing it in Hashem causes me harm, I am seriously considering doing a planned “madness” instead of falling on Shabbat or Yom Tov when I don't have my Torah classes and the tests increase. May everything I do be only the will of Hashem.