Day 6:
On Shabbat Emor, I acted like a very shy person. An unmarried woman said that she “likes submissive men,” and I took this very seriously, even though she later said that she “doesn't like submissive men.” I didn't know what to think. I had to clear up my doubts, but the problem is that she has a son. After finding out, I learned that her son is 8 years old and she is 29 years old and a widow. She is not Jewish, but she has recently become interested in Judaism.
But how is it possible that a woman could be interested in a man seven years younger who doesn't own a house and doesn't even work?
I decided to clear up my doubts when I saw her the following Shabbat (Behar-Bechukotai), asking her if she was going to convert to Judaism and what she thought about the age difference in a couple where the woman is older. But... she wasn't there that Shabbat.
I found out that he works in another city... but my doubts wouldn't leave me alone. I am ashamed and hurt by my reality. I was embarrassed to say it in this forum.
So, with nothing else to do, I waited until the next Shabbat (Bamidbar) because maybe she would be there.
But on Thursday night, the Jewish family tells me that they are going to the community to spend Shabbat and Shavuot there.
I didn't know what to do. I'm running out of savings. What was I going to do when I ran out of everything I had saved?
Attending Shabbat and Shavuot in the community is quite expensive.
I thought about it all night, and on Friday, after listening to Torah teachings, I decided to live as if it were my last day.
I couldn't spend Shabbat in the community because it was already late and I had to give advance notice, but I was able to reserve my spot for Shavuot.
I felt that all of this was Hashem's will, so I had a good Shabbat alone.
When I arrived at the community, she was there, and on Shavuot I found an opportunity to clarify my doubts.
I asked him what he thought about a couple with a 7-year age difference.
I saw that she was confused and she said, “I don't know.”
I thought “How is it possible for her to play with other people's feelings and not even realize it?” this bothered me.
I asked, “How come you don't know?”
She told me “it depends.”
I asked her “it depends on what?”
And as she was leaving she said something like, “I don't know...”
After analyzing the situation I realized that it was all a misunderstanding. I hope this is for all of us to learn and not make the same mistakes.
It's uncomfortable to be around her, but it looks like it's going to pass as I act like nothing has happened and hope she does the same.
