I need to write this out for clarity sake.

Bh me and my wife have a great relationship. Even with my struggles it didn't affect as bad as it could have been. But, I did always feel that she wasn't completely sharing with me. Since coming on GYE, I've seen so many differences in my life, one of them was this. I felt that we had a more open, loving and communicative relationship. Which meant the world to me.

But the same problem came back again that I felt that we didn't have this complete open communication that I crave. It was driving me crazy. I spoke to some Chevra, and got some clarity.

For so many years I was a person with a secret, a deep dark secret. Locked inside of me, pain, loneliness, and most of all, two facedness. This hypocrisy that was my life, caused me to doubt anyone else's legitimacy. It also caused that I didn't believe that anyone could trust in me, after all I'm fake.

The same was with my wife I didn't believe that she could be open with me, cuz (I thought) she sensed I was living a lie. 

Now, I still don't know that I was wrong, maybe she couldn't be vulnerable with me, and maybe even though I'm changing drastically now, and living a much more real life, the healing will still take time. I guess we'll see...

Dont know if I was clear but just sharing my mind with you, Enjoy;)

I just wanted to keep everyone posted. I'm bh doing very good in the battle. I'm halfway through the battle of the generation for the second time, literally a lifeline for me.



I've tried something which has really helped with my looking on the street. One of the hardest times for me is walking on Shabbos, for the obvious reasons. I made up to keep my head down for just two times over Shabbos, walking home form Shachris and Mincha. Not that the other times its muttar to gaze, but those two times to really not look anywhere. 

It has helped me realize how much more power I have over my urges than I let myself believe! 

 

Hi ive been following your thread for a while. Its a tremendous chizzuk for me and prob everyone of us that so desperately want to break free from this. Im pretty early to this journey but the only thing that got me this far was keeping my head down on the street. 
Thank you and pls keep on posting!

Regarding walking on the street what I do sometimes is something that I think heard it on one of the vaymuain videos, I keep a bunch of quarters in one pocket and every time I hold myself back from looking where it's not healthy for me I take a quarter and put it in the other pocket, as far I understand it helps because I get like instant rewarding let me know if anyone could benefit from it 

Another idea is that I found the reason i look around is because my curiosity so I try sometimes to go against my curiosity even where its allowed so I prove myself my power against my curiosity,
Another idea which helped me in the past is that I should be in charge where my eyes are looking so when I read the parasha as שניםַמקרא ואחד תרגום I don't look outside from the beginning to the end if you could do this it kills your curiosity for anything 

What a special, special conversation with a tremendously special person!
You are soarin' high, remember us down here as you keep flyin' high!
KOMT!

I heard an amazing מימרא from Reb Yehuda Jacobs Zatzal, Mashgiach in BMG. Speaking in a vaad to Yungerleit in yeshiva, he said. No Yungerman should ever walk around with too much cash in his pocket, because maybe he'll pass by an unsavory establishment.
This is so powerful for us on GYE. He wasn't talking at a GYE convention, he was talking to regular Yungerleit. He felt that, yes, even someone who has never even had a thought about such things still has to be careful, Because were all vulnerable. 
This means, we are NORMAL!!!! Yes we fell in our battles and maybe some of us took it pretty far... But the thoughts and the fantasies are what normal healthy Yidden, like us, have to deal with. 
Its true that we fell and let ourselves get carried away with our Taayvos. But that doesn't mean in any way that were bad or different, just means that were Hashems children who he placed in this world to experience such challenges and fight to the best of our ability.
The only reason why guys like us may be different, Is because when we win our battles we soar higher than we could have ever imagined!

KOMT Hatzlacha!!!

I am Bezras Hashem, and with the help of so many dear dear friends holding at 5 months clean. 

There's two points that I fell are an Ikar for getting of the hell I was living in.

1. Reach out to the Chevra!!!!!!! I know its written hundreds of times, but there's a good reason for that. It works. Plain and simple.

2. Have patience. Right when I started I wanted every issue to go away immediately. Some things take time, just keep doing the best you can and you'll see how your life will change Bezras Hashem.

Have a great and fulfilling Yom Tov!

Something I've been doing recently is so powerful. Looking down!



It may sound like something unrealistic, but really its the easy way out. When I'm walking and looking around and I see something enticing, its really difficult to look away. But on the other hand If I'm looking down to begin with then I don't even know if there's something enticing to see! I started doing this on two of my walks to Shul on Shabbos. It has helped me immensely. 



It also shows me that I don't need to see everything, nothin will happen to me if I don't know what every one in my neighborhood is wearing that week;)



We constantly underestimate the amount of self-control we have. Its time to face reality. We are very much in control of ourselves even if we let ourselves look and do whatever we wanted for years and years. That doesn't change anything.

cleanmendy wrote on 08 Jun 2025 13:38:

Thanks for sharing this. I'd add to your great points that a) The easiest time to be in control is before the nisayon. Once you start lusting, self-control becomes orders of magnitude harder. b) If it seems daunting, take it in steps. Kind of like starting a seder for the first five minutes b'retzifus. "I'll keep eyes on the sidewalk for the first block, first two blocks etc." Next thing you know, you're at Shul. c) I find that on top of the practical, immediate benefits of having avoided looking/lusting at passersby for x amount of time, it gives a real boost to my sense of control in general, meaning I'm taking positive offensive actions against the YH and succeeding, which trickles over to other areas, like when I'm online etc. Oh yeah and you might have a funny story or two, I know I have..

iwantlife wrote on 08 Jun 2025 15:12:

We even have a real-life example right here!

R' Clean Mendy,
You're mamash an inspiration.
KUTGW!

iwantlife wrote on 08 Jun 2025 15:12:

About those funny stories... This week I almost crashed into my wife who was waiting for me coming home from shul. Hopefully she thinks I'm a tzaddik and not crazy;)

This really teaches me that I can decide what I want to do, and no fantasy or urge can control me, because I decided.