Shalom Brothers,
I was initially unsure if I wanted to share this or not. I think for some people it is not a comforting idea, though others may find chizzuk in it. Hopefully those that is doesn't speak to will set it aside and focus on the fight in ways that work for them.
This is the final page of You Revealed by Rav Naftali Horowitz.
But I am so exhausted from the constant ups and downs!
Sometimes we grow so tired; matters seem so hopeless and pointless. We win a battle only to face another even bigger one; we rise only to fall even harder soon after. Why must life be this way? What is the meaning of all this? The following Torah, when I first learned it, changed my perspective on this subject.
The Tanya relates in Chapter 27 "This is the task of the beinonim (the segment of the population that lives with the ongoing internal battle between right and wrong) to subdue the evil impulse and the thoughts that arise within them and to completely avert their mind from them. With every repulsion of thought, the Sitra Achra, Satan, is suppressed here below. Each arousal from below (our initiative to battle the Satan) produces a corresponding arousal above...
Therefore, one should not ever feel depressed or troubled in his heart (i.e.: what is the point of this battle if I never experience ultimate victory) even if he is engaged in this battle all of the days of his life. For perhaps this is precisely why he was created, and this is the service that is demanded of him- to subdue the Sitra Achra constantly. (Sometimes life feels like one long game of whack a mole; we hit him over here and he pops up somewhere else.)
There are two kinds of Divine pleasure, one from the complete annihilation of the Sitra Achra and the conversion from bitter to sweet, from darkness to light, which is accomplished by tzaddikim. The second is when the Sitra Achra is subdued while he is still in his strongest and most powerful form, soaring like an eagle, and from this height Hashem topples him in response to our human initiative. This is accomplished by the beinonim.
The strength that these holy words provide is immeasurable. There are two kinds of Divine pleasures: ours and that of the gedolim of each generation. Hashem derives nachas from both and treasures both equally. Battling each day and never coming home with a trophy takes overwhelming will and perseverance. Climbing and knowing that we may never arrive at the top takes a deeper understanding of life and its true purpose. It requires a negation of the ego and thoughts of "I want to feel good about myself. I want to stand at the top and be able to say 'I did it! I won!'
Fighting the same battles throughout our lives requires us to negate what "we" want and focus on the underlying purpose of life-to battle and overcome, and do so over and over and over, not so that we can feel victorious, but so that we can carry out the Will of Hashem. While we may not see it, the hair's breadth progress that we are making on this world is moving upper worlds in infinite ways and giving Hakadosh Baruch Hu outstanding pleasure.
There is nothing wrong with us. Battling our way out of darkness is our purpose in life. We should therefore expect this to be the case for our entire lives and even learn to look forward to it being this way.
(I believe that The Battle of the Generation also discusses this approach of, in a healthy way, looking forward to challenge by recognizing the growth that lies within it. Not saying that a person will be stuck in this mud his entire life, but we'll always be dealing with some form of mud or another).
(I don't think the message is that we are supposed to "turn the other cheek" and smile through a miserable life. I think the idea is that there is tachlis in serving Hashem, and when we can see it like that, it becomes not a struggle. By accepting that I may deal with this my whole life (surrendering), I am likely to reach a place through that which takes me out of the struggle).
