rocky21 wrote on 22 Dec 2024 21:10:

Echoes of the parsha here. Maybe it's not exactly Yosef Hatzadik and eishes Potiphar. But it's an echo of that same righteous spirit. Ashrecha!

Keep on making us proud (and also super-jealous of your strength!)

And btw. What are you doing differently from now on to dissuade these types of situations from developing in the future?

ROCKSTAR!!!

Thank you all for the kind words appreciate it so much
That story was a win but also what happened that day was that I was talking to her and it got like pretty deep and emotional talking about like our friendship (Wich in its self can be problematic and yes our connection is probably to close as for a religious guy would like it to be)and how sometimes she can get offended and she started to cry also anyway  very embarrassingly I was erected during this time because of this and some zera came out of course not on purpose, like I feel terrible but at the same time I can't control my reaction but I could control the situation 
As for what I will do differently I will try not to get in to really deep conversation with them and keep it simple I guess 

If it came out in a non-ejaculatory way (you just got wet), it is probably what is referred to as pre-ejaculate. According to halacha, that would not be considered mz"l. Of course one should avoid getting to that matzav, because with a drop more triggering, it could be the real deal rach"l. It is wise to speak to a wise rebbi how to set up boundaries with co-workers to avoid nisyonos. Besides the obvious practical benefits of doing so, one receives syatta d'shmaya - if we do what we can, HKBH assists us that much more. Hatzlacha buddy.

yiftach wrote on 22 Dec 2024 21:15:

Exceptionally eloquent.
Could not have said it better myself

58 days clean bh!!
I'm so happy where I am now and looking forward to where I am going 
I am a little frustrated with myself because i felt like I didn't do anything better when I was next to her again and like didn't learn anything from last time

well, not comparing, just thought that the "saying it straight to her" mehalech might be the best:
when a certain nisayon girl in my life wanted to get more comfortable in our relationship (we had been texting for a while) and as a 18/19 yr old yeshiva guy, I felt extremely guilty and had a hard time figuring out where/how to draw a line in the sand.
​in the end, I basically told her, "I've been thinking a lot, and I don't think that my having your number while I'm in yeshiva is healthy for me/my learning, so I'm going to delete it from my phone."

it's a little fuzzy on the exact details, but although I later had trouble still, it wasn't because we spoke frequently ever again. And she never texted me after that as far is I can recall.

59 days clean
Thank you all for your insight!!
Looking forward to putting them in to action next week

60 days clean!!!!!!!!!!! Let's goo!!!
SO today already that girl asked if I wanted to join them and go out and I said no and it was very hard and still is hard no and what I've noticed from last situations like this is for example about a 3 months ago I didn't go out for one of there birthdays cause it didn't feel right and I was so mad that I "couldn't"/didn't get to go that I ended up p&ming that night so like I didn't go because I was scared it would lead to that but instead I just did that.
So now with me trying to take a step back from these girls I already feel my yetzer saying you see there even taking away this from you not only p&m but also just chilling with them and I already feel like I have so much rage and hormones now so like ya I would love for some advice and your opinions 

Wow! Wow! Wow!
What strength you have to say that "no". Though it was hard you did it anyway. Very very special.
I feel very bad that you are just mad at yourself now, that is super frustrating. I wish you luck getting over this.
Enjoy your family over Shabbos Chanukah, not all of us are spending Shabbos with family.
Chanukah Sameach!

rocky21 wrote on 27 Dec 2024 12:26:

Brother Rocky this is truly amazing. 
3 months of work and when put through the same test you didn't give in to the party nor what happen afterward last time. What a nice show of your progress and commitment. 

I'm sorry that it's hard, and I can't imagine being in your shoes to be around friends and walking a different path. Ashrecha for your strength.

"Chilling" with girls basically only leads in one direction. Especially so as a single young man, that's just nature. So I would ask myself: Do you want to marry this girl and have a life as it would be with them?
If the answer is no, well, then why am I playing around with fire. I need boundaries to protect what I really want, lest I ruin my life with one careless moment. This isn't losing out, it's saving everything that you want.
If the real answer happens to be yes, then I would do it properly. From what you've written, I would guess you are looking at a bit of a different lifestyle than where your friends are currently. If you think this girl could be 'the one' then get serious about it.

It's really hard, but I think an honest look at what happens when guys and girls "chill" will not make it easier, but perhaps a bit clearer for you to decide where you want to go.

KOMT!!! What you are doing is deeply inspirational.
Keep your fist raised high in the air.
Kol Tov

rocky21 wrote on 27 Dec 2024 12:26:

Wow! 

So much to love about this post. The strength, the growth from last time, and the self-awareness.

If I can amplify one nekuda in BHBH's excellent point. You're aware that you're having a feeling of "missing out" and it's bothering you. You can work on not feeling that way. One way that is certainly helpful is by drilling into your head how going to hang out like that is a bad idea.
But it's even more helpful to recognize that you're not missing out because you are engaging in something vastly more important by not going. You're building yourself into a great person, a godly person. And you're bringing an immense pleasure to Hashem. 

This is of course the same ideas we use to combat "losing" porn and masturbation. It's a helpful tool for most struggles. Find the part of doing the correct thing that brings joy and focus on that.

Day 62 clean bh!
Thank you guys so much for the things you worte I seriously appreciate it so much and learn a lot from you guys!!

Day 63 clean bh!
So quick update yesterday I had a 24 hour shift with that girl and I did what I said I would do and didn't talk about anything deep and I kept to myself and read a book and let me just say it was the most boring day I had in a very long time we literally just sat and didn't say a word and it's funny because you would think if I took the right steps and remove myself from triggering situations it would be easier but since taking the step back my urges have doubled

That’s real success! The urges doubling is difficult, but doesn’t take away form your win….

Reach out to one of the GYE mentors here to talk more about how to calm the urges…

Much hatzlacha with all!
Muttel