2 days clean 
I was thinking today I wished I was at 40 days clean but last week when I was at 40 days clean I even wrote here that I wish I can fast forward and be clean for 90 days so I guess one day at a time

Don't know what to say other than the fact that I can feel the pain coming out of your posts. All I can say is that I am moved by your struggle, the drive you have to kick this habit is really powerful and you will no doubt go far... (further than you have already, of course. 42 days is no simple walk in the park. and no, you haven't lost those days, as hard as it is to feel that way)

rocky21 wrote on 18 Oct 2024 08:53:

My friend, I mamash feel you! Been there... A couple of months ago I was conflicted about whether I should focus on trying to stop or getting rid of the shame of doing it...

Day 4 clean 
Really want to fall cause what the hell is even a 4 day streak 

I get your feeling there bro…

Next week it’ll be 11, then 18… We’re really looking to change our insides and become changed people… the streak, though it can be extremely motivating, is secondary….

With brotherly love,
Muttel

Guys I just failed again....
I'm actually "happy" about this cause now I feel like I got more power to do more things to go in the right direction 
My previous fall 4 days ago I was to busy carrying over my streak but now I already emailed about a filter and bh will get itI HAVE TO GET IT 
2:I'm going to talk to HHM bh 
3 hopefully meeting up with yiftach next week bh
Guys I would love more more strategy's I tried the shvua it doesn't work for me I need something concreat to fight for
My wife and my future family isn't real enough for me I need like to fight for something I can phiyschil I guess 
Like last time I was clean for 5 years my parents knew about it and if I failed I would have to tell them and that would kill me
So tzadkim please I need help 
I KNOW THIS ID THE ONE I will be 44 days clean when I finish the army (I have 44 days left) and start the next chapter clean with 44 days streak but a healthy mind
I AM CLEAN 

For now and forever 

Something else I realized is that my falls were more intense because I lost my streak that's a problem unfortunately that I love streaks so much

It don't hafta be next week. Avail wheneva, brotha. 

Starting the fresh start today with already urges but I realized not to be like "wtf how do you have urges right after you failed you perv" but to say it's natural I can't control my urge just take deep breaths and get on with your day 

First day clean on the way to 2 days clean and of course 90 but one day at a time.
My problem last time is that I wanted to be at 90 already and was mad I was only half way there therefore hopefully just today I will be clean because as mater oogway said
"Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that's why it's called the present"
and I Will  give myself a present and today not watch anything inappropriate 

rocky21 wrote on 21 Oct 2024 20:10:

Great move rocky!

Like the Esrog (which is compared to a Tzaddik) it has a very thick peel and only a bit of flesh - setting up protections for oneself is what makes a person a צדיק, it shows that he's taking it seriously. 

Wishing you a Gut Yom Tov and tons of Hatzlacha!
UpAndDown

Day 2 clean 
The urges are wilding 
Once I broke the barrier and watch p on my phone it's like that door is open it's hard to close it
I'm still waiting for a answe from Gye about the filter 
But I will win this by myself 

Day 3 clean
I really wanted to watch so I called two frindes and asked them to hangout and until they answered I helped my dad take down the succa bh I didn't watch at the end but I'm mad because the whole time spending 1on1 time with my dad I was thinking of ways to watch

Day 4 clean somehow I didn't watch o was literally on THE site and somehow didn't click a video and didn't see anything and run away 
IM screwed honestly my brain is so freaking fried

Nah, your brain is normal. 
I'll share an interesting story (in my opinion) 
My son from when he was born had a small cough. Just a slight clearing of the throat approximately once an hour. Nothing that his teachers or friends noticed. Only my wife and sometimes me. After four years of running to dozens of doctors, they discovered a massive tumor in his chest, that was blocking one of his lungs. BH he's ok now but even once that was removed, he still had a cough. We again went to many many doctors to figure out why. I remembered that I had met a Doctor a while ago who was a specialist in pulmonary pediatrics and I called him and asked if he would see us. We drove an hour to his practice and after a long consultation, he told us a chiddush. Because he had been coughing for so long, his cough was really just a habit at this point and not actually any specific problem. He gave us some pointers and BH my son has a clean bill of health and no longer coughs at all. 

The point is, many of the behaviors we do, are really just bad habits and not actual illnesses or problems. Because we teach our brain that when we are stressed or anxious we can go watch something that soothes us, that eventually becomes something we do. It's not that we are wanting to watch porn or even enjoy it. It doesn't come from a place of happiness and joy. It's when we are feeling upset at something or just from years of bad habits, we run to P or to M. We know it isn't good for us and we know it doesn't actually cure the problem but because we are so used to it, it becomes the thing we run to. 
I would imagine you are a good jew in a lot of other areas, meaning that you don't have a problem with yiras shamayim. It has nothing to do with it. It's just a bad habit. When you look at it as a bad habit, you can look for ways to cure the need to run to P every time you feel like it. 
May Hashem guide you and give you strength to learn the new way of dealing with the urges and if you continue reaching out to many of the great tzadikim on this site, I am confident you can rid yourself of this burden very soon. 

With lots of love
Odyossefchai