Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this I read it a couple of times it's amazing and very true

odyossefchai wrote on 14 Oct 2024 12:39:

This is a disturbingly thought provoking question. Huh.

(The Living Marriage has a similar, but less blunt, thought provoking question: Do you think the Steipler loved his wife?)

Looks like I've got a lot of rewiring to go.

chosemyshem wrote on 14 Oct 2024 20:18:

Personally, I have a bit of difficulty with the question, for I am not the Chofetz Chayim nor the Steipler...

But hey, that's just me.

-An even Moldier than usual Voldy

In my first conversation with HHM he told me the same thing that I will do the same act as the Vilna Goan and the Chofetz Chaim. It may not be on the same level, but the actual act will be the same.

So, you do not need to be the Chofetz Chaim and you may not end up being close to his level. But you will be doing the same act, and that is defintely something we can stive for.

youknowwho wrote on 14 Oct 2024 20:52:


Overall I believe it was referring to the sweetness, the kindness, sensitivity, love, devotion, etc. 
I think those are all goals we can aspire to and obtain. 
Let's do this peoples!!  

youknowwho wrote on 14 Oct 2024 20:52:

Based on the few responses to your post, it looks like you've been voted out...
Red?Red?Red?Red?
Can we get one used teacup to go?
Thanks!

We still need to count the early vote mail in ballots

#stopthecount
#stopthesteal
#cinhsigtmuwaiw,aoygth! 

Day 42 clean.
Wanted to say thanks to everyone who answer my question 
I'm feeling strong bh and looking forward to entering sukos with this amazing streak, sometimes I wish I can skip forward and be clean for much longer lol

chosemyshem wrote on 14 Oct 2024 20:18:

It's the type of question that probably doesn't get asked in many other locations besides here! 

I didn't even get to say that today was my 43rd clean day but last night I almost failed and I said no I can use this time to daven and I said bh I should make a ton of money from stocks tomorrow and got off my phone and went to live my amazing life
Today when I went in to a stock I ended up loosing 650$ and I was like really hashem and I was so pissed and searched but this time clicked but then quickly got off but then went back on and un freaking fortunately I started touching myself and said I might as well watch and the whole time in my head I heard your going to be so mad at your self but I also heard you are going to be mad at your self even if you hold back cause you always give your self a hard time when you hold yourself back from not clicking once your already in incognito.
I failed I freaking failed I want to be mad at myself but  I literally just won't be able to take the pain so I'm going to move on as if nothing happened but I do want to make a kabla tho 

rocky21 wrote on 16 Oct 2024 14:26:

I'm sorry to hear about the fall. But I love this attitude of yours.

A good kabbalah might be a filter. Or I'm not a huge fan of knasos but a penalty if you go in icognito might be a good idea too. 

Enjoy the 40+ days you had. Enjoy your succos. And beat the garbage out of Adrian  the yetzer hara. 

rocky21 wrote on 16 Oct 2024 14:26:

Tough Break man. We've all been there. I think falling, failing (sorry, I hate these words) after yom Kippur or some other self imposed time frame is common. 

2 things:
A. Even from the way you wrote it is apparent that you were under a spell, almost like you were coerced, compelled, compulsed, almost like you didnt make a choice with full bechira. What do you think about that?
B.streaks can help, but this is where they can hurt... also, if you look at your progress ytd like in stocks, or month to date for that matter, you will see a huge upward trend. Why is a mishap today more significant than any other day? That is a real, not rhetorical question.

With you 

Hi, I don't know you well but can I ask a question. 
You got to 40+ days. 
Have you done that previously?

So it's funny cause 3 days after I make a knanos I failed so I don't think those work for me it has to come from me 
If anyone knows how to turn off incangto that would help me so much more then a filter hosntly 

With that being said, it hurt my succos so much I could have been so happy but literally I was mamish taken over, I heard a voice screaming in my head "please don't" but it was so mofold and like being pushed back.
I'm so pissed like I literally want hashem to take me like no joking 
I did get to 40 that's the first time I did in half a year but still I used to be clean for 6 months like it was  nothing 
I want to watch again now because I don't have a streak anyway even tho I know how stupid it is

1 day clean.

Yesterday I had a tough time because it's always hard for me to stay clean when I don't have a streak to protect but I knew I didn't want it.

I feel like it's so not fair that I lost my 43 day streak because of 5 minutes it's so not fair all the hours and days I spent fighting myself only to loose that beautiful streak in 5 minutes so no fair.

Anyway I need a way to block incognito if anyone knows and honestly I feel so done with this stupid thing, maybe it's better to put my energy in to working on myself to say it's ok so I don't have to be so depressed like I am today even after fighting so hard last night to stay clean that ky brain literally felt like it was going to explode and I still feel terrible so maybe I should have just watched