I think I understand your brilliant post. But one point, those are not real pleasure. It is just some electrons firing through nerves which give a message of pleasure. Not the real thing, when comparing to s'char ve'onesh, for example.

frank.lee wrote on 08 Aug 2024 22:30:

You're 100% right.
But still.. let's be real... its a real pleasure here in our עולם החומרי.. and when fighting it with imaginary ideas of who Hashem is etc it's a lost case...
Who doesn't enjoy watching porn and masturbating? It's an amazing and thrilling real pleasure!! It's exactly those "nerves that give a message of pleasure" that are desired!! The entire world is after it!
Yes, if you think about it sensibly you'll realise that it's bad, fantasies, momentary, low, depressing and is against everything a Yid stands for but as soon as you're in a very uninspired, "human" moment, then you'll just go for the real pleasure...

But I must admit, I a shtikel regretted writing my last post, because poor m111 was trying to get a chizzuk by making Hashem more real and then I was discouraging the idea... I'm sorry m111, please forgive me. Maybe you can share with the oilem your plan of action, like how you will do it. We all need chizzuk. I myself am having a very tough day... my YH is like mount everest today!

upanddown wrote on 09 Aug 2024 00:15:

Emotions are real, horemone rush of porn is real,
it's real feelings,
but not, real emotions,
emotions are
connection,
inner desires,
deepest wishes.

this translates "real" in the urge for porn, really a need for relaxation and/or and/or release and/or pleasure.
Hashem can give me those, when he is real in my consciousness and emotions.

Hello everyone,
I want to share an experience that happened to me for the first time after the 2 plus years that I'm here on the site a going thorough work in kedusha and change.
I was recently triggered by a not tznius sight and had an urge to go onto a device that has a weak filter, since I needed to use a computer for email and din=d not have my personal computer with me. (with the thought that I have accountability etc. and it will hopefully be fine, but in the back f my mind there was the hope that maybe I'll satisfy my urge with some "inadvertent" pop up).
I thought to myself, "what to I really want, is this what I want or deep down it is not my wish". so I made the choice, and went out of my way to pick up my properly filtered computer from home.

It was a choice not by inspiration, fear, guilt, drive to be good, etc. but pure choice, pure bechira.

I feel this is what I've been working to all this time, and it has come.
(Thank you to the 2 friends who suggested in the phone that I post this)

By the way I' this moment having a strong urge, that is not going away, it started a few hours ago, I'm going to try to catch the gym before it closes shortly and perhaps that will help).

Posting here after a while.
I recently finished a 100 day streak with HHM's incentive.
That's just the news. But what I feel is urges URGES URGES URGES....
I'll manage be'ezras Hashem

Mazel Tov on the 100 days!
I love the attitude! Urges Urges Urges but the belief that with S'D you can beat it.
Sometimes, the best attitude is to surrender to hashem and say "RBS"O the urges are so so so difficult,I will keep going but I can not do it alone"
Thank you for posting!

MAZEL TOV! Major accomplishment!

I traveled.
Met the great Rebbi HHM....
On the way back the traveling triggered urges, a blend of sights and exhaustion.
They now subsided somewhat.
Moving on with life....

For a fleeting moment, a grasp on the arm,
Not too much notice paid so as not to elicit too much curiosity 
From the "better half".
As Rebbi once said, ראיתי את ר מאיר מאחוריו

How I wished I could have enveloped in a bear hug,
But alas it was not meant to be.
However, as we both know,
מים... לא יוכלו לכבות את האהבה
No distance too far...

Looking forward to the next time we meet,
Muttel

Just caught this thread I love your honesty and your insightful way of looking at things    keep posting us newbies could use all the chizuk we could get .  And you seem to have a lot of it.       Hatslcha stay in touch

Hi everyone it's late at night, I have to be up in about five hours, and something is pushing me to the computer.
My internet schedule shutoff (which shuts off at 10:30 PM) is not working.
Its hard for me to just get into bed and go to sleep.
(Baruch Hashem all I can do on the computer is heavily filtered, and all I did is GYE and check my email.
However what is happening to me now is one of the roots of my difficulty, that is I can't calm down unless something forces me to, such as exhaustion, and in the past it was masturbating, and at times not tznius pictures, and there were times when it was porn.
Now I'm not doing that, but the root is still there. How do I get rid of it, or more accurately, how do I get myself to relax to get into bed?

Does anyone relate or have a similar experience?

As an end note - 12:43 (the current time) rhymes with "what will be with me?"
Please Hashem, help me... (also rhymes)

Hey brother! were here for you! is there anything that u can listen to on the phone in bed? that type of thing helps me alot! keep us posted!

Greetings,
I just started reading this thread, really inspiring, thanks for sharing. 
Please treat the following idea in the spirit of "Ten Lechacham V'yechkam oid" as I don't know if it's appropriate advice for you.
When I'm trying to fall asleep, I listen to my clock ticking and mentally count the ticks while visualizing the numbers as I'm counting. Alternatively I try to think of the words of ashrei while visualizing the letters of each word. I find this also useful when challenging thought come during davenning to just visualize the letters of each word. (See Nefesh Hachaim, don't have exact m.m. at the moment but can get it if you want).
Wishing you only Hatzlocho and thanks for posting!!

I have dealt with difficulties falling asleep. For me, a powerful approach was to ask, what's stopping me from calming down and letting go?

Being able to do let go before you hit total exhaustion takes surrenderence, which is built on a certain security. Or bitachon built on emuna if you want to term it jewishly. Going to sleep is an act of relinquishing control.

When I'm in a good life rhythm and I'm taking care of myself right, even if I'm dealing with various challenges, I can trust my inner voice to put things aside and end the day, not needing to escape the thought of tomorrow, either into racing thoughts of planning things, fantasy, or p/m/both.
With this inside security I don't need to force myself off devices, or other such things. Of I'm not dreading tomorrow, it isn't hard to let go and get there.

One practical thing that helped me was going to sleep at same as my wife. It gave me that extra bit of wholesomness that aided me in letting go. If I would stay up after her it would get harder.