stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 06 Aug 2024 08:35:

I actually do listen to omer Adam, Eden hason and a host of others but in all honesty it's probably better for my neshama not to listen to those songs. Either way, what's done is done and I know with every fiber of my being that this is the best choice I can possibly make right now!

Day 24!!
Boruch Hashem I'm still holding strong. Hashem has been kind to me these last 3+ weeks and I haven't really had any major urges. Hoping it continues like this but I'm still battle ready just in case (I am in-it-to-win after all:grinning:). In the last 11 years there was only one time where I was clean for about this long. I remember it being a constant struggle to battle the big urges every night. Boruch Hashem I've come a long way. I think the most important weapon in my arsenal this time, is that I fully changed out of the destructive mindset that "every time I abstain from acting out I'm missing out on something" (even though we all always know subconsciously that we'll be miserable afterwards...). Instead, any time my mind starts going in the direction of porn or masturbation I think "me????? I don't do that stuff, why would I exchange everlasting מנוחת הנפש and REAL happiness for something so fleeting that will leave me feeling so low afterwards??? I'd much rather take this opportunity to beat the yetzer hora and win this battle so I feel everlasting happiness and real accomplishment".

I Have so much more to say but it's getting late so I'll have to finish up another time....

Inittowin.

Wow! Quite far you got! Keep trucking! Good night.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 11 Aug 2024 09:08:

Do you mean far in days or in mindset? (Or both? lol)

Just checking in here, it seems I missed this thread. Amazing stuff, IITW! Looks like you’re really working on things and seeing success! So many of us owe our lives to HHM and everyone can benefit by speaking to him. 

I wish you tons of success in sustaining your current upswing and you should be zoche to destroy our damned enemy, forever!

With brotherly love,
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 11 Aug 2024 09:13:

Bh I've been in touch with the heiligeh rebbe himself for a little while now and I can definitely say that he's already helped me in more ways than one!
Thank you for your feedback! It means a lot to me that the heiligeh reb muttel stopped by to give his input!
Keep on monsta truckin! like they say

Bh still going strong on day 32!
I can't believe that just a short month ago I felt that I was stuck in the grips of this monster with no way out until my last day on this earth. I thank hashem every day for pointing me in the right direction to finally win this war for good! Like it says "הבא לטהר מסייעין אותו" - those words have never been truer for me! After 11+ years, I can truthfully say that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some of you may say that I shouldn't be so calm and serene with where I'm holding because the yetzer hora has many tricks up his sleeve. To that, I'll answer that davka the calmness and serenity is what keeps me grounded and able to fight this war day by day, week by week and month by month. I feel, that when we come at life's difficulties and challenges from a matziv of "calm, cool and collected" instead of always hitting the panic button when something comes along that threatens to drag us down, then we have a much greater chance at success. I'm still taking it one day at a time and I still remind myself every day that I must always be battle ready and never let my guard down. All the yh needs is a small pirtzah and before we know it he's dragged us down to the bottom of the quicksand. At the end of the day we can only do so much, but I firmly believe that if I don't budge from my (new and much improved) standards then hashem in his infinite goodness will help me keep traversing the mountains and valleys of this world. Like it says פתחו" לי פתח כחודו של מחט ואני אפתח "לך כפתחו של אולם
That's all for now.
Hope this can be mechazek someone!
Inittowin.

Day 43!

Boruch Hashem still going strong! I've seen in the past 43 days that it is most definitely possible (and that's putting it mildly) to live without p&m! Ahh! What a life worth living!!



In a dark parking lot stood two yidden, their neshomos already intertwined and dancing in the spiritual light that surrounded them. The kedusha in the air was almost tangible as it enveloped them both in a warm embrace.

"Twas a wonderful hug!"

As the saying goes "the lord helps those that help themselves"

By reaching out to Hashem help me, Hashem definitely helped me!!

Signing off,

Inittowin.