hundredbrachos wrote on 21 Aug 2024 20:48:

From what I understand - yes.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to achieve shleimus. You are to strive to be the most complete and whole you as you can. If p&m are part of your struggles, then it is part of your mission to fight it. The harder the struggle, the more significant the growth towards shleimus. Every effort you put into being closer to Hashem elevates your neshama and has the power to elevate all potential in your life.

How's the journey going brother? haven't seen an update for a while

redfaced wrote on 21 Aug 2024 18:45:

Very true. May it never happen 

Day 23:
Wednesday
Baruch Hashem today went well. I am continuing to go through the flight to freedom program and reading the blogs which has helped me fight my yezter hara. I have to continuously remind myself that I do not need porn to live. What has helped the most was removing all the cues and keeping myself distracted.

I started to notice that I having more siat deshmayia- I feel Hashem is helping me more and I feel closer to Him. I could not have gone this far without Hashems help.

Day 24:
Thursday

Today I was going through the lessons of flight to fight freedom and I was up to the lesson regarding urge surfing- part of the lesson was to think of an urge and let it pass. I started to think of an urge and it was horrible I felt like I was getting caught in a trap and I had no where to go. Right away I stopped thinking of the urge but I can still feel the grips on me- I called my mentor who told me that there is not one way to get over this addition rather there are multiple paths to get to freedom. I felt upset with myself on how can I let myself to start thinking of an urge. Baruch Hashem the urge level decreased and I was able to continue with the day.

(Sorry I am posting this late. I was away with family)

Day 25:
Friday
Baruch Hashem today went well, I did not have any new urges but I still have yesterday urge in my head and I am trying to distract myself by going tubbing/jet skiing. I don’t know why my mind is making me think of this urge. I guess it does not want to let go of this addition, it likes the initial good feeling.

 (Sorry I am posting this late. I was away with family)

Day 26:
Shabbos
Baruch Hashem Shabbos went well. The urge that has been going on has subsided and will randomly come on. I am still pushing it away or distracting myself with other activities such as spending time with family. Hashem I need your help to remain strong, I cant do it with out you.

 (Sorry I am posting this late. I was away with family)

Day 27:
Sunday
What should I do? I woke up from a horrible dream of me acting out to a clip, it looked so real that I actually felt that I feel for second. I had to tell myself that It was not real and I had to calm myself. Then I went on my phone and I started to notice that I was looking on my whattsapp chats praying to fall on a bad picture. I immediately put away my phone and got up to daven shacris but the dream I had continued with me the entire day. I felt like my body wanted to give in but I was determined to stay strong.

(Sorry I am posting this late. I was away with family)

I haven't done the flight to freedom and am frankly surprised they would suggest this. Perhaps it would be better to wait and if an urge happens to come, then practice letting it go? I suppose there is a difference when you prepare yourself vs when it comes on its own.

Hopefully others can share their experience with this.

Keep on keeping on brother - you are doing great!

hundredbrachos wrote on 21 Aug 2024 18:27:

Wow, wow, wow... thank you for posting this. Super powerful.

Thank you Hashem for guiding us to GYE!!!

This totally couldve been me.......

Day 28:
Monday
Today I received an email stating that a new employee will be shadowing me to help run the business. As they say curiosity killed the cat, I googled her name and one thing led to the next I was on the person Instagram account and she was not dressed properly. I immediately closed it but now I am worried that this person will be shadowing me the entire day. How do I have proper thoughts? I hope this person does not show up tomorrow.

hundredbrachos wrote on 26 Aug 2024 23:27:

Brother 100,
First, great job in catching yourself and closing it.

Second, we live and we learn. Random Googling and especially social media are slippery places. If you use this time as a lesson for a better next time, then whatever happens tomorrow will have a toeles. Perhaps that thought, that you are using this situation for growth, will help you to get through it with a positive outcome. 

I look forward to reading your update tomorrow. Hatzlacha Rabba!

It sounds like HaShem is about to give you a test! I tell myself that whenever I know that I am going to be in a tough situation. I am not saying that it will be easy, but tell yourself that HaShem is putting this test in front of you, and he wants you to pass the test! Knowing that he is pulling for you, should make it easier.

Good Luck, and let us know how it works out!

Day 29:
Tuesday
Today went okay. The new employee came dressed somewhat tznius but to a person who watched porn in the past, no one is ever really dressed tznius enough. I did see things but I made sure when showing the employee on how to use the computer that she should not be in my eyes view. It was stressful because there were at times when I would talk to a client she would interject and say her advice which I did not mind but I felt like I had a lack of confidence. This stress was my cue and I had an urge 6/10 to go and watch porn. Baruch Hashem I was able to control myself but the urge is still there. I understand we need test to grow but why cant we grow without test?

hundredbrachos wrote on 27 Aug 2024 23:26:

Considering your circumstances, I think 'okay' is a vast understatement. 
Pat yourself on the back for a solid effort in a challenging situation. 
KOMT!