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Daily post accountability
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TOPIC: Daily post accountability 1449 Views

Re: Daily post accountability 19 Aug 2024 19:19 #419442

  • hundredbrachos
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Day 19:
Shabbos
Baruch Hashem today went well, I had slight urge but I used the CURE cycle to help get through it by redirecting my response. My mind is telling that I should be a little more relaxed in Gaurd your eyes and that’s okay to think about inappriopate stuff.
Is this my yetzer hara attacking me from another angle?
I think so.

Re: Daily post accountability 19 Aug 2024 19:23 #419443

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Day 20:
Sunday
Baruch Hashem in the morning I was on my wife’s WhatsApp statuses. I was going through her status and then I ended up on Amazon shorts and I felt my mind and body trying to shift me to run into something inappriopate. I said no and I got out bed and got ready for shacris. As the day went I had no urges, I kept myself busy and did some house work that needed to be done. The I went to a birthday party and there were people that my eye kept on trying to look, I tried to avoid it but every time I turned around there was someone else. It’s hard to control your cues when you are in an unfamiliar environment. Baruch Hashem I did not act out. I went home and continued with my house work and was home alone. I had another urge this saying” hey no one is home you can have some fun”, again I said no. Sometime I feel like I am completely healed and that I can trust myself to watch something but deep down I know it’s my yeter hara trying to use a different method to make me fall....

Re: Daily post accountability 19 Aug 2024 21:43 #419448

Good for you. Keep fighting, don't let nothing stand in your way!

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 15:14 #419486

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Day 21:
Monday
Today is so far going well, I have not had a urge yet and I think that is due to being very on top of my cues, I know that if I’ll go to the supermarket Ill have an urge. I feel like my body is telling me that its time to give up on this fight and that its okay to give in. I don’t know why I am feeling like this since I try to be very active and avoid all types of cues.

Has anyone else experienced this before?  

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 15:57 #419487

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Not sure I get exactly what you mean, but maybe you'd find it helpful to review your reasons for change* or something else (like the battle of the generation) that will help you maintain your overall motivation to keep on working on this. (As I'm writing this I realize I could use a nice dose of that myself right now. Thanks for the motivation   )

*Are you doing the Flight to Freedom program? It's pretty helpful to sit down and write out why you want to stop/do a serious cost-benefit analysis on watching porn.

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 16:02 #419488

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hundredbrachos wrote on 20 Aug 2024 15:14:

Day 21:
Monday
Today is so far going well, I have not had a urge yet and I think that is due to being very on top of my cues, I know that if I’ll go to the supermarket Ill have an urge. I feel like my body is telling me that its time to give up on this fight and that its okay to give in. I don’t know why I am feeling like this since I try to be very active and avoid all types of cues.

Has anyone else experienced this before?  


Yes.

As many cues you avoid, there are likely many more you might be unaware of.
Keep peeling back that onion, and you'll see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
At some point avoidance becomes impossible, and we need to learn to deal with our innards.

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 16:16 #419490

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thompson wrote on 20 Aug 2024 16:02:

hundredbrachos wrote on 20 Aug 2024 15:14:

Day 21:
Monday
Today is so far going well, I have not had a urge yet and I think that is due to being very on top of my cues, I know that if I’ll go to the supermarket Ill have an urge. I feel like my body is telling me that its time to give up on this fight and that its okay to give in. I don’t know why I am feeling like this since I try to be very active and avoid all types of cues.

Has anyone else experienced this before?  


Yes.

As many cues you avoid, there are likely many more you might be unaware of.
Keep peeling back that onion, and you'll see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
At some point avoidance becomes impossible, and we need to learn to deal with our innards.

Well said as always Mr. T. 

To be precise, we have met the enemy and he is us. 

Eliminating external urges is huge and very helpful, but at the end of the day there is some level of internal change that usually must happen.

Losing motivation and feeling like what's the point/need of being careful anymore is a very typical stage of leading yourself into a fall (Yetzer Hara 101 if you'd prefer). 

A good way to combat that is by keeping motivation up through external input - such as reviewing the materials I suggested in my post.

I pity the fool who puts on filters and locks himself inside away from all the schmutz, but then spends all his time trying to fool himself into letting himself out of his self-imposed prison. (And by the fool I mean myself.)

You may have meant something totally different though.
Last Edit: 20 Aug 2024 16:17 by chosemyshem.

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 19:38 #419505

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I meant that there are times where I feel my body/mind wants to give in but I know how watching porn can have a distatrous affect on me. I feel like it has to do with my mood such as when I am down and have lack of motivation. You are correct I should go over the my reasons of why I want to change. I am currently going through the program flight to freedom and listening to battle of the generation while driving 
I dont know how to delete this post 
Last Edit: 20 Aug 2024 19:41 by hundredbrachos.

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 19:38 #419506

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How do you deal with it?

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 19:40 #419507

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chosemyshem wrote on 20 Aug 2024 15:57:
Not sure I get exactly what you mean, but maybe you'd find it helpful to review your reasons for change* or something else (like the battle of the generation) that will help you maintain your overall motivation to keep on working on this. (As I'm writing this I realize I could use a nice dose of that myself right now. Thanks for the motivation   )

*Are you doing the Flight to Freedom program? It's pretty helpful to sit down and write out why you want to stop/do a serious cost-benefit analysis on watching porn.

I meant that there are times where I feel my body/mind wants to give in but I know how watching porn can have a distatrous affect on me. I feel like it has to do with my mood such as when I am down and have lack of motivation. You are correct I should go over the my reasons of why I want to change. I am currently going through the program flight to freedom and listening to battle of the generation while driving

Re: Daily post accountability 20 Aug 2024 19:41 #419508

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thompson wrote on 20 Aug 2024 16:02:

hundredbrachos wrote on 20 Aug 2024 15:14:

Day 21:
Monday
Today is so far going well, I have not had a urge yet and I think that is due to being very on top of my cues, I know that if I’ll go to the supermarket Ill have an urge. I feel like my body is telling me that its time to give up on this fight and that its okay to give in. I don’t know why I am feeling like this since I try to be very active and avoid all types of cues.

Has anyone else experienced this before?  


Yes.

As many cues you avoid, there are likely many more you might be unaware of.
Keep peeling back that onion, and you'll see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
At some point avoidance becomes impossible, and we need to learn to deal with our innards.


How do you deal with it?

Re: Daily post accountability 21 Aug 2024 18:27 #419593

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Day 22:
Tuesday
After posting Monday update regarding on how do I combat my body/mind telling me to give- I was told by a couple of gye users that I need to review my motivation on why I want to quit.
There are many reasons why I want to quit and I list some of the important on this post

1.       This is not who I was in the past, this not who I am in the present, and this not who I want to be in the future- I do not want to have this problem. I know having this problem is a sickness that needs to be treated. The urges that I am experiencing are symptoms from the underlying disease which is diagnosed as Porn addiction”.

2.       Every time I think of how it will affect my wife and kid that their father has this issue, it makes me shake and have emotional breakdown thinking of how they will look at me. I do not want my family to go through this.

3.       I was not brought down to this world for this problem- I have mission to accomplish and this is in my way. I have pushed myself over the years to quit and I has some streaks and over the past year, I would fall about once a week.

Link to story that I read that will shake you.

guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/where-it-all-leads-2?category_id=13

Re: Daily post accountability 21 Aug 2024 18:45 #419596

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hundredbrachos wrote on 21 Aug 2024 18:27:

Day 22:
Tuesday
After posting Monday update regarding on how do I combat my body/mind telling me to give- I was told by a couple of gye users that I need to review my motivation on why I want to quit.
There are many reasons why I want to quit and I list some of the important on this post

1.       This is not who I was in the past, this not who I am in the present, and this not who I want to be in the future- I do not want to have this problem. I know having this problem is a sickness that needs to be treated. The urges that I am experiencing are symptoms from the underlying disease which is diagnosed as Porn addiction”.

2.       Every time I think of how it will affect my wife and kid that their father has this issue, it makes me shake and have emotional breakdown thinking of how they will look at me. I do not want my family to go through this.

3.       I was not brought down to this world for this problem- I have mission to accomplish and this is in my way. I have pushed myself over the years to quit and I has some streaks and over the past year, I would fall about once a week.

Link to story that I read that will shake you.

guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/where-it-all-leads-2?category_id=13


Quite the earthquake, this story is. All it takes is one second to mess up your life forever .
Shem's story  A Taste Of Death shook me up too .
Give it a read
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face
Last Edit: 21 Aug 2024 18:47 by redfaced.

Re: Daily post accountability 21 Aug 2024 19:01 #419597

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hundredbrachos wrote on 21 Aug 2024 18:27:

3.       I was not brought down to this world for this problem- I have mission to accomplish and this is in my way.


I'm not sure exactly what you mean here. You were probably not brought down to this world to indulge in P&M, but stopping is (now) part of your mission, not an obstacle in front of it. It plays an integral roll in your life. Don't discard it. Own it. 
To get a little Kabalistic, shed light into this darkness. 
Today is yesterday's tomorrow.
The yetzarim a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful God-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus.
It doesn't matter how big the number is, only that today it is going up by one.

A little about what I'm doing here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412971-I-Want-to-Help-Others

Re: Daily post accountability 21 Aug 2024 20:48 #419610

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3.       I was not brought down to this world for this problem- I have mission to accomplish and this is in my way.


I'm not sure exactly what you mean here. You were probably not brought down to this world to indulge in P&M, but stopping is (now) part of your mission, not an obstacle in front of it. It plays an integral roll in your life. Don't discard it. Own it. 

To get a little Kabalistic, shed light into this darkness. So you are saying its part of my mission on this world?
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