proudyungerman wrote on 18 Jul 2024 13:46:

Hi, bezH it's been 28 clean days in a row!!!
I have been in a safer environment for the last month but still feels really good about it.
The shvua helped me even though I was not exposed to unfiltered stuff, like not even look at bad images on my phone. 
Thanks for your help!!

Good for you!

Halevei veiter, and KOMT!

Muttel

Hello everyone, just to tell you guys about how it is going now and how I feel. I've been in a secure place recently and I feel really thankful to Hashem for beeing on this forum before I get there. The shvua that I made really helped me. I've discovered that the issues started mostly when I was alone in a room and/ or late at night. Bc I didn't want to give 250$ to Tzedaka and didn't want also too go for a walk or even learn (so that I would have a much lower amount to give), bH it helped me not to fall it those moments. 
I know it's just the beginning of the work but yet feels good to see the improvement: 42nd day clean.

Just to make sure: I had a slip one night while sleeping with a not clean dream, it doesnt count for a fall right? I really didnt do anything to be motzi zera levatala.
Thanks for your help guys!!!

It doesn't count for anything bad at all. Keep up your amazing work!

perfectly normal and not a slip at all

Hello everyone, just to let you know: This שבת  I will heat my 50th clean (of p&m) bezH!!!
I feel weird with the end of the zman and being back at home but hope that  I will make it!
I've already reached my goal (30 days) and start to understand how my yetzer tries to get me.
See you all soon !!!

After reaching 50 days, right after שבת I had a fall. It was no p* but I did m*. I didn't respect the tnayim I had in my shvua, so it's really tough right now, I wanna do it again but with p*... Please guys help me by telling me how to react when a fall occur. 

I am not a pro to tell you how to deal with falls because I am dealing with them myself (though I try to get it off my mind or else I'll just fall again, like what your battling with now). I could tell you that yes you fell but to porn you didn't which is major!!!!! I myself keep separate counts and I try to be proud of my non-porn streak (yes the YH tries to not let you be happy and rather just feel down from the masturbation). So my advice to you is to start counting anew from today for M and continue your old AMAZING streak of non-porn.
Hatzlacha Raba.
I am trying to help you continueliving and notsurvivng!

ShtettlMan wrote on 18 Aug 2024 21:19:

Don't think about your 1 day, think about your 50 days. Those are still there. You are still far ahead. 

You seemed to know that bein hazmanim and going home could be harder. See where you can reinforce your defenses and get right back into it. 

One day at a time. Today, you are continuing for day 51. 

Get back on the monster truck and keep going. Reach out if you feel an urge and need someone to talk to.
You got this!

I fell. bad. It's difficult rn, Idk what to do or what to think. I dont wanna cry, but I wish that I could. It's always the same thing (Im gonna say what I really think): there's a time of alyah and then a big yerida, ending up watching the same videos and acting the same way for 7 years now. I  regret it, but not pouring my soul in tears, I just feel bad. I know I shouldn't do it but still do it!!! Why is it like that, always the same nisayon with the same unfiltered devices. I cant filter it cause its not mine (and not even install a webchaver bc they would think that Im a perver). It's always the same question in me: I know that when I will arrive at 120 and I will feel such a בושה, and I know it will be worse than the בושה of just asking my family to put a code. Im lost 

I'm sorry chaver. I can relate to going through the same pattern time and again. 

The truth is that it's only over if we give up. Even if the pattern continues, and IYH you will get past it, we need to keep trying. You never know which time will be the final time. 

You are not a perv. These tayvos are part of us and very strong. You could ask for web chaver for something like YouTube or social media. 

Hashem will help you to count to 50 again and beyond. If you can put in this hishtadlus, could be that will be what helps you beat this for good.

It sucks to fall. It sucks worse to stew in the post-fall gloom. Think about it, then stand back up, make some adjustments, and Hashem doesn't ask for more.

I believe in you!

BenHashemBH wrote on 18 Aug 2024 22:39:

You really managed to make me feel better, thank you for that. It's true and I know it, but it's always קשה. I had an idea for the unfiltered devices: maybe I could wait until the vacation end, and then come and tell my family that I heard in a shiur that even the possible access to unfiltered device is prohibited by the Torah, and so aske them to put codes that I wouldnt have. Could this be a good plan or has anyone better options?

Do you read the battle of the generation regularly.   Don’t just play defense by trying to avoid.  Go onto offense and make changes in your day so that you feel like you are growing.  

What changes can I make?

ShtettlMan wrote on 19 Aug 2024 10:13:

The book details the power of learning a mentality of feeling good about beating the YH and getting to a point where instead of constantly wrestling with the urges and struggles, you rise above them. When you know that you are on the path towards Hashem and being all you can be, you delight in the feeling of accomplishment and growth. 

It's definitely a worthwhile read. The. Mussar in it is really for all struggles in life, not just battling desire. 

Hatzlacha