I'm 43, married with 4 kids, and I have an addiction to P & M, going back to adolescence.  No need to spare you the story.  I'm a BT but this problem has never gone away with my otherwise life-altering religious journey.  I felt guilty before and now as well.  The time wasted, and the growing inability to see any female without impure thoughts.

No web filter will ever work for me because I'm an addict.  I can get past them all.  Nothing can shield me from public images or simply a human female that passes by.  I even tried nedarim, but I started breaking them after a year.  I need a new approach.

Addiction can't be beat without accountability.  Nobody knows about my problem to my knowledge but Hashem.  So this is my start.  I intend to post updates here regularly.  And if I don't, please hound me!

(I chose the name Anu_rayasecha, which means "we are your friend," referring to Hashem, from YK davening.  It brings me to tears when reciting it, to know that Hashem can be so close to us on that one day, and yet I will soon enough fall from that spiritual height and throw away a relationship with the Ribono Shel Olam.)

Welcome on board. The forum and reaching out to people are a good place to start. Perhaps reach out to the main mentor, Hashem Help Me, at michelgelner@gmail.com and discuss your plan with him, including what you have done so far since you joined GYE. Reading The Battle of the Generation regularly and the Flight to Freedom program have helped many people break free. Keep on posting and sharing and make friends. Wishing you success on your journey.

Welcome 
I can only feel your pain in your first, straight to the point post. As yitzchokm said the battle of the generation is a great book to read. I along with everyone here is alway open to chat with
looking forward to hearing more

Welcome.
This is a good place. There is hope here.
Many have found doors opening where they thought that there was only a dusty bricked-up wall, choked with the litter of broken dreams. 

I hope you will find a path here to freedom. It can be.
With friends, with work, with honesty and courage... With help from Hashem, who loves us all...

Here's a warm hand,
Chaim

Welcome!

Welcome! Try strengthening yourself with these great free resources:
1) as YitzchokM said: check out The Battle of the Generation: a sensational free ebook that seriously gets you excited to fight and win this fight. It's a real game-changer.
2) The Fight: an incredible audio series from Rabbi Shafier.Links are below in my signature. Wishing you much success!

BTW is their an audio version of the book TBOTG?

Thanks everyone for your chizuk and links.  G-d willing, I will update here as my journey continues.

Welcome to GYE. Wishing you good luck!

Welcome to a wonderful place, my friend! There's lots to learn here, so please stick around. Make yourself comfortable, read around, and make friends that pick you up. 
P.s. Who decided you're an addict? MAybe you just have strong bad habits that you haven't learned the tools to control? Not challenging, just asking:)

I'm very certain about being an addict based on Dov's audio shiurim.  I've tried the tools and they work until they fail and I crash harder than before.  My brain craves the fix that is P & M.  Try as I may, I can fight an urge off for a day.  But my brain is still working on it and it comes back the next day even harder.  The powerful message of Dov's talks is that an addiction can't be beat in private.  I need accountability with a group.

anu_rayasecha wrote on 15 Mar 2024 11:59:

Maybe take a look at this: guardyoureyes.com/live 

Wondering if the 12-step program is for you?

• Always saying "this will be the last time," yet you're stuck in the same loop?
• Constantly feeling like you're juggling two lives and dreading exposure?
• If you can relate, the 12-Step Program could be your road to recovery.
• guardyoureyes.com/live/form 

One week down. Thanks for all your support!  Just knowing people are out there seeing my progress is a strong incentive to make the right choices.

Two weeks in, Baruch Hashem.  I decided yesterday to do something I've been thinking about for a while, which is to upgrade my wardrobe a bit. Nothing major, and I don't want to denigrate anyone's current attire by revealing specifics.  But I look a little more like a ben Torah than before.  It helps me personally recognize that I had a past, and now I have a future, with Hashem's help.  I don't do the things I used to in my new attire.  My kids have never seen me wear anything else, so they were taken aback!  I just said I like these clothes better.  Nothing more to explain. ;-)

anu_rayasecha wrote on 27 Mar 2024 03:18:

The clothes DO make the man!