Wow keep going! 

This has been a long time issue but I just want to vent about it.
I am stuck at work and have to avoid places because of arvah and not tznius women it's F******* Annoying. And I see it anyways because it's a small place. I want to get out of this place so badly. Wish I could just quit but I need the money right now.

I hear your frustration loud and clear and i feel it as well. 

Daven to Hashem to save you from such nisyonoes, If its mamesh a problem, then you should consult with a Rav. 
Parnassa comes from Hashem and He doesnt want you to fall, so if you cant fix it at your place, maybe its time to put some feelers out. 
Again, talk to a Rav first. 

Thank you I'll try that when I see him next sunday he is already somewhat aware of the problems I have at work they are not just limited to this.please daven for me if you dont mind.

Day 10 start:
I was unable to finish what I had to last week 
which leaves my going into this week frazzled and unhappy.
I am not sure what I can do to lighten my load but I am worried because I see it affecting my mode.
I see myself going into doom and gloom mode which generally leads to: I can't handle my life > low self asteem > and a fall.

I had a fall today,
and part of it was that self fulfilling prophecy above.
I see it almost as a precursor, I see the signs.
But I dont know what to do. 
I don't think it had so much to do with overwhelming myself with stuff "to do" but I got on overwhelming feeling of: I couldn't handle "it" (being the pressure of staying clean).
YH attacks me from 2 angles the doubts and also the "give in you had a good run" pat yourself on the back and restart. 

Perhaps audio exercises or reaching out to someone might resolve this if it happens again.

I thought about audio exercises at the time like urge surfing and the YH responses was your only prolonging the inevitable. I felt a great pressure that wouldn't go away till I gave in and an overwhelming sense of dread... now after giving in that was replaced with self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. 
As for talking to someone I can't remember if I checked but I am pretty sure No one was online on here... 
Not sure if that's enough the problem feels deeper but maybe I am just making excuses.
I really don't think that will have an effect on the feelings of prolonging the inevitable accept to do so a bit.

i keep on seeing posts about the 90 day program, but I dont know where to find it. can somone help me out

b00mb00m2 wrote on 17 Mar 2024 18:04:

guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart

does this answer your question or you're looking for something else? 

notezy wrote on 17 Mar 2024 14:06:

I recently posted the Maharal who writes that the truth is that the Y"H is much weaker than us but he tricks us into believing that we will be overpowered by him which leads to a fall. He writes that we are like a bird sitting high up on the tree and the Y"H is like a predator on the ground. There is no way he can reach us but he frightens us and then we fall off the tree out of fear that he will attack us. Once we are on the ground he wins over us.

I guess, next time don't listen to his arguments and try Urge Surfing instead. It worked for me very well and it will probably be the same for you. It works wonders.

Day 1 

when I look at my chart I can see an upward tregectory starting from around when I started posting about this challenge.

it used to be falls almost every other day 3 day streaks were long for me but across the last few months. 3 days is low for me.

I guess going longer means less falls per month even though I fell yesterday its still an upward tregectory.

Incredible!

notezy wrote on 18 Mar 2024 11:25:

What's great is that you realize it's not your falls that define you - its the fact that you are slowly growing into the person you want to be.
What's bad is that you're lucky you didn't post this in the Grouchery - I dont see how that coukd have ended well for anybody

Finished chapter 19 of the TBOTG today.