Fall day 2 monrning 

Fall last night technically this morning

I have been away from a while and just caught up on this thread. Notezy, obviously, you are going through a rough patch (to say the least). If I could give you my two-cents on something you could try. I have to say that I have not mastered this problem myself and please take this advice as not coming from an expert, this has just help me in the past few months. 

Stop counting the days. Make each an every day a singular event and celebrate each day. The days will add up and that is great, but just tell your self that I am going to be clean today, don't think about streaks or 90 day goals or anything other than staying clean today. The minute I stopped trying to build streaks, I saw the pressure subside, my mood get better and the amount of falls drastically decrease. I crawl into bed every night, celebrating the end of another successful day. It has been life-changing for me.

I don't know when the last time I fell, it was probably over a month ago?? not really sure, but in the past couple of months, I have had a LOT of amazing days!! and I am looking forward to another amazing day today.

Best of luck  

Was clean on shabbos fell tonight 

What can you do to take away, or diminish the ability for you to fall? Are you using internet? You can get or fix the filter?

Shalom Brother. I miss hearing from you and hope all is well.
Wishing you and everyone a beautiful Yom Tov.

Thanks you too.
update for today i am pulling bacl on counting the days got some chizuk from rabbis still trying to figure it out and make a new plan..  
I kind of relapsed to using media via Twitter just looking up a bunch of random profiles of people I used to follow on youtube and scrolling. I just now decided to block the site.

Going through a rough patch and I don't feel like I have self control.
which I know to be untrue.

I am struggling to focus on what I want to be over what a mess I am.

Guys I am still here just not posting as much because I don't have what to post about because I am not counting the days for now....
I havent spoken with any of the older guys from gye recently i ran out of patience for not getting through to people for right now... 
(I didnt try calling everyone)
I feel very far from god right now this last week or so not sure why.
but its affecting my will to fight in life.
Struggling to push myself to do the hard stuff in learning and during davning well I come out of it beating myself up for another prayer feeling reminded how far I feel like their is no connection between my and God no idea why and I can't seem to focus...
Anyway thats mmy thoughts for now good night 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a really rough patch. Please reach out if you'd like to talk. Hope things start turning around for you soon Brother.

Fell last night.

I just now was on odyssey (a youtube alternative  i went on last night just to distract myself didnt see anything bad ) today I saw stuff inappropriate without searching for it in one of the trending tabs i almost gave in and then stopped myself and used that moment of strength to block their website domain with web chaver.

alright I am back to debating whether getting off youtbe was worth it from this side of the fence it often feels like it wasn't.. mainly because all the podcasts I wanted to listen I mean the Jewish ones aren't really easily findable or even in a place I can download them... anyways I think for now I am staying off. I still am struggling a lot it's the theme of my life right now but I just wanted to share one success I had today. 
just for clarity i dont go on a lot of websites unless i am looking to distract myself. Rumble another youtube alternative i blocked when i blocked youtube i forgot about odysee untill recently till i blocked it now last week was Twitter. That's now blocked too...

I had a fall afterwards.
its still progress.

Oish! Are you in touch with any of our holy brothers here?

I haven't been in a while