Update on quiting media: ending week 3:
Definitely settled into not using It took roughly 2 weeks. I still wish I could watch stuff I miss but it doesn't bother me anymore.
24six definitely helped so I don't feel like I have nothing for music...
And now after lag baomer I can listen to more...
I Have less urges playing on my subconscious less noise in my head overall.

The job that sucked let me of early they found someone to replace me tonight was my last night. 
New chapter in life!
should help with the battle too.

I do have to be careful to keep myself busy with the extra time off between jobs I might just start early I'll decide tommrow.

Day 7 it's starting to get harder

Keep on crushing it! Quitting entertainment like your doing is extremely impressive.

getting myself a shwarm as a reward for 7 days said i would get myself sushi if i get to 10 days so somthing to work towards.

Just got hit by a strong wave of urges ugh this sucks 

I am at that point where the urge has passed mostly but the contemplation of giving in still hangs in the air leaving me with bad feelings (I guess guilt) for even considering and won't go away.
This used to confuse me "why do I still want to give in after the urge passed" but now I consider it as still part of the urge if you linger on the thought of giving in as an option the idea grows in your mind in a way that doesn't disappear easily at least for me.
still struggling here.

Same, eating and walking helped clear my head.

Hows cutting off entertainment going? I try too, but it can be harder than stopping schmutz

notezy wrote on 27 May 2024 16:05:

This is a very valuable point.

As Retrych pointed out though, this "afterurge" is less aggressive, and much easier to distract yourself from by doing something else like going on a walk.

Day 7 I had a fallI am going to start again.Reflection.The urges came on strong I thought about giving in I held off the urges reduced.The thought of giving In lingred because ultimately I chose to hold on to that fantasy.I held off I reflected on the fact that this was my decision and the rewards for giving in would be so very great because I know how hard it is to fight.Here I found myself writing:"I cant have my cake and eat it too.I want to give in but at the same time i want to do the right thing but i see myself slowly giving in so why bother holding back???Because each time i hold back is another rep of using my self control that will ultimately breed success. Yet i dont seem to be using my strength to fight back just to hold off..."So their it is my failure to decide to fight back.I knew I wasn't trying at that point and then in slowly came to looking for an excuse to not feel bad for giving in which I didn't have.I gave in by crossing the fence I drew for myself from the 30 day challenge and then saying alright now their is no motivation even though I was telling myself it's only a fence u still need to control yourself... I gave in...Now feelings after the fact.A lack of respect for myself if I was going to try to play the I didn't have control card I am done with not taking responsibility... it wasn't the normal self depreciating "was it worth it" because I know the answer. I was thinking about the vacuum somthing leaves behind when kedush leaves I had the opportunity to do somthing great and I didn't.Yet I still put in effort.So I won't allow myself to beat myself up over choices I willingly made. I got to own them.So I am settling for next best thing to chose it pick myself up again do teshuvah for last time I fell falling twice in a row that I can do teshuvah for being in the same position again and choosing not to can still make this a win.Now the hard part of this new choice will come when the motivation fades and I have to keep my word.And wait for my next opportunity to fight the battle.Hmm I can't say I am looking forward to the next week of fighting but it's my responsibility to continue. If I want to be great.Now I worry as always with every passing fall like this that I lose a bit of self respect, dignity, self asteemLike I said before "sacrificing self asteem on the alter to self indulgence"But I feel like it's sacrificing a part each time and I worry I can only fall so many times before I lack any self esteem which will prevent me from continuing...Ultimately I know this is my choice too to go on despite a lack of self asteem is still possible but I find it still worth reaching out and asking If anyone has any advice on this front I would love to hear it.Now very off topic I stumbled on some jewish meditation stuff and I am trying to get back into the focused awareness mindset... clarity intentions..That's all for now see you tommrow.

chosemyshem wrote on 27 May 2024 16:36:

I don't know who that is but I'll try that next time I did contemplate getting up and going but didn't but knowing it works for some to get that extra bit out of your mind is enough of a reason to try this next time.

chosemyshem wrote on 27 May 2024 16:36:

It's getting easier. I still miss it as time goes on I miss it less. The beginning was the hardest.

Day 1

Day 1 ending long day.
ups and downs just tired now.