notezy wrote on 12 Feb 2024 14:39:

Please focus on this line   "I got farther then I execpted to... "

"Not sure what I am going to do next." 
If I may suggest, the next thing you should do is celebrate the clean days. You deserve it!

I had another fall today I think I am going to take a break from posting on here for a bit I will be back.
open to hear peoples advice. 

You may need to fortify your strategy and you may also need to reach out to people privately. Have you realized the situations, thoughts and emotions that precede your falls? Do you see a pattern? Are you addressing it? Also, are you taking the Flight to Freedom course and reading The Battle of the Generation? If you are doing all of the above it might keep you afloat until you return to the forum.

I left the forum for a few months because I was addicted to it. I found it very useful to journal instead of posting and share my journal with my psychologist until I was able to return to the forum but it was only because I also had people from GYE who reached out to me occasionally that I succeeded. If you reach out to people very often privately you might not have anything more than that to gain from journaling.

I am still talking to people privately and I journal. 
I haven't been doing the f2f program as much as I would like to be.
trying to read the battle of generation at night when I have time off at work...
Just want to sort myself out take a bit of time to reflect before I start again.. I might mess with some filter settings... I'll see.
I'll still he on here.

If you are still falling from YouTube it is a great idea to change the filter settings. Life is generally much better, easier and healthier without it. Wising you Hatzlacha on your journey.

First thing is celebrate your 19 days... Secondly, tighten up the safety of your environment... 

Day 2, I am continuing.
Still deciding how I am fortifying. 

Almost didn't want to post about it but I had another fall today. 

notezy wrote on 16 Feb 2024 13:08:

You deserve a compliment for the courage to post about the fall. 
Do you have a plan going forward? 
You might want to use the attached form to help you create a plan that can help you with recovery. 

I was clean over shabbos I'll look into it tomorrow I can feel I am struggling a lot more now without the momentum 

I also feel like it's a good idea to keep doing the F2F program however its so much information and strategies at once i dont feel like i have the time or its practical to fill out all these charts...
I am not sure if I shoushould continue or just watch it through and just do some of the exercises...

notezy wrote on 17 Feb 2024 21:13:

I suggest that you go very slowly and do every exercise. The goal is change. This happens only through taking all the intermediary steps without skipping anything. If you just skid through the program you will be lacking the internal change necessary in order to heal. You will be making a siyum on the program but not on your struggles. If you can, I suggest that you even take notes and summarize every point in every lesson but definitely don't skip anything. Take your time and make yourself a schedule of going through only a few lessons a week if necessary. It will take you slightly longer to reach your goal but you will be standing on solid ground.

Okay then I think I will stick to finishing the book I am a 4th of the way through it and then I'll focus on the f2f program after.

Day 2 A3 Proud of myself took the day off for a friend's wedding stayed clean through out the day kept myself busy and mostly productive and I was also careful with where I looked at the wedding. 
also did some hisupodeduce and read a chapter of the book today.

Day 3: Continuing the success I had a good day today, kept busy.

notezy wrote on 19 Feb 2024 19:09:

Way to go, notezy!