Checking in at the beginning of the work week. Sticking to my plan. If I have an urge, I'll post about it here.

Day #3
Cumulative Clean Days: 1270 <-- It's helpful for me to remind myself of that number from time to time.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 15 Apr 2024 12:39:

I love that number of cumulative days and that you use that to be מחזק yourself.

I've wondered if there's a way (or if they can make a way...) to add that to the profile and not just have "The Streak", especially considering all the talk of the value of each and every day...

Yesterday, I had two urges. One mid-morning and one as I was going to sleep. I was thinking to myself, "should I post about it? Nah. This isn't that bad yet." Thankfully, they were urges and nothing more. Still, urges are what leads to a fall and I need to find ways to move through them without relying on my will power alone. 

Right now, it is mid-morning and I am having an urge. I am going to step outside for some exercise, eat well when I get back, and go back to work. I will post on this thread, please Hashem, when I can report that I successfully overcame the urge.

Day #4

All good. Urge has passed.

Excellent!

Day #5

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 16 Apr 2024 14:13:

I know this doesn't speak to your point of not just using willpower alone, however, I found it very helpful and wanted to share.

I know myself that, in the (pretty recent) past, when I would get an urge, part of the internal dialogue consisted of my YH telling me that even if I don't give in now, I will soon. And even if I didn't give in soon, I'll end up giving in later. I really didn't think it was possible to truly overcome an urge. I also don't know if before GYE I ever really overcame one. I may have gotten better at pushing it off longer, but never to the end. (If I did it was a rare occurrence.)

During GYE's Shovavim campaign they sent out daily texts that I received. The text from Feb. 15 contained a gold nugget of information that has been a real help. The text said that an average urge doesn't last more than 30 minutes. Read that again please. Soon after I read that text I had a pretty strong urge. The first thought that popped into my mind was: "Hang on a second. This isn't going to last forever, until you finally just give in. At most it will last for another 30 minutes or so." That immediately lessened the power of the urge tremendously. 

(I don't even know if it is a scientific fact or not. I don't either care because, for me, it currently works because I believe it. So whether it's just phycological or actually factual, for me it works.)

Hatzlacha and KOMT!
You truly inspire me!

Well, I had a fall on Wednesday morning. @proudyungerman, I wish that it would've been a 30 minute urge. I fell after an hour and a half of a saying no, wish is pretty impressive in its own right. I kept saying, "I will gain nothing from this!" "This will be a total loss." "What would be the point of me doing this?" In the end, after an hour and a half struggle, I fell. I guess, I still struggle with not being able to overcome the urges alone, with my own will power. Here I am, I've got a filter on my computer and my phone. I have been on GYE for over four years. I don't use my work computer for anything unrelated to work. I daven to Hashem at least twice a day for help, specifically regarding this struggle. Yet, when an urge comes, I'm like, I got this, I don't need to post about it on GYE. I don't need to text HHM. That is either טפשות or the יצר הרע...or both. The other day, when I posted day 4, I posted about the urge here and I texted HHM and it made it so much easier. I didn't speak to anyone. The mere letting the 'universe' know made the difference. I don't think I have ever had a fall when I've done that. Yet, I still find myself with an urge thinking that I can handle it by myself. Lesson learned.

My children started their Pesach vacation yesterday, so they were home from school yesterday and they are today. Having them around eliminates the struggle. I am working on Chol HaMoed and my wife is probably going to take the kids out, so I'll reconnect then as that's probably the next time where I'll be vulnerable to a struggle.

Wishing everyone a great Shabbos and a wonderful yontif. You guys are awesome!

Day #2

Ouch!

I identify with your experience that urges don't necessarily go away after a half hour. Sometimes urges are short. Sometimes they come and come and come like waves on the shore and slowly wash away any resistance. And sometimes they just last. 
But I think it's the urges that come when I'm sitting by an unfiltered computer that last so long. The urges that randomly come when I'm not in a dangerous place are usually shorter lived. 
Perhaps unceasing urges are a symptom of a problematic setup, although I do not have any suggestion on how to fix that (perhaps renting office space so you're not alone with your unfiltered device is possible?). 

You said "I guess, I struggle with not being able to overcome the urges alone, with my own will power." I don't think you're supposed to be able to white-knuckle through urges nonstop. 95% percent of the battle is setting up your life so that you are either not triggered, are not able to fall when triggered, or have alternate responses set up to negate the triggered urges. Perhaps 5% is just saying no to urges. And you clearly know that, and have set yourself up for success. So what's going to help you implement the reaching out that you know helps you? Would a Tapshic to post/contact someone work for you?

chooseurname wrote on 19 Apr 2024 16:03:

If the only consideration would be, is my setup helpful or harmful for dealing with pornography/masturbation, then I would feel comfortable referring to it as a problematic setup. However, there are many reasons why my setup is very helpful and healthy for me and my family.

I also don't think that unceasing urges are an issue. My experience is that between days 1-10, I have more urges. Afterwards, the urge frequency decreases.


Can you describe how I would do a Taphsic in this case? I am not really familiar with the method although I have seen it mentioned here over the years.

---
Gut Mo'eid to you all. I am working today and tomorrow from home. My wife and kids are home, but they will be leaving for an outing at some point later this morning. This is preemptive outreach to you all to let you know that I am keeping my guard up and sticking to my plan. If I have an urge, my plan is to reach out again within the first 3-5 minutes. Wish me hatzlacha!

Day #8

I think a Tapshic is basically to make an oath that for a certain amount of time if you feel an urge you will do "x" preventative measure. If you fall after doing that, you will pay a minor penalty. If you fall without doing that you will do a major penalty. 
In your case, you would say something like, "I will reach out to someone (either by post or by text) when I feel an urge. If I reach out and fall, I will (do something minorly unpleasant or a small fine). If I do not reach out and I fall I will (do something majorly unpleasant or a large fine)." You can make that oath for just a few days at a time.

It's not something I ever do, since I think it would result in me just violating a lot of oaths. But in your situation you may find it helpful in forcing you to reach out.

Checking in at the beginning of another day. Family is home and will probably be home for more of the day today. My home office door is wide open.

Day #9

It's not about fighting; it's about changing the script.

Last night, I had an urge. Was up late changing my kitchen back over, did some learning (believe it or not), and then had an urge. I turned on my work computer which is my unfiltered device and then I said, "no." I checked my schedule for tomorrow to see if I got anything new over yontif, then shut off the machine, and went to sleep. I think the whole challenge was less than three minutes.

I had a thought. Not sure if I thought about it last night or this morning when remembering last night. The "yetzer hara" was trying to convince me that nothing matters. Who cares? I countered by convincing myself that stuff does actually matter. Stated differently, פריקת עול vs. קבלת עול מלכות שמים.

Of course, this theological debate and my rebuttal would not have worked to save me from a "fall" if not for the hard work that I am doing here on GYE and my daily davening to Hashem for help in this area and in general. I am proud of myself. Still, I am reminding myself that my plan includes reaching out here on this thread or to a GYE mentor within the first 3-5 minutes of an urge.

Kids are off from school today. Little do they know, even though it is my responsibility to be their guardian and custodian, today, they are mine.

Day #14

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 01 May 2024 14:44:

Wow!
Thats something to be proud of!