And I only just now saw Joey Haber's Vayimaen video from Friday! Promise! 

diamondwithaflaw wrote on 21 Jul 2025 16:03:

Lol I listened to it right before reading your post. Probably the best Vayimaen yet.

Great point about overthinking. I've been accused of philosophizin' a time or two. It's a hard habit to stop.

Quick check in.

Logged into GYE for a minute this morning at work before anyone else came in. Only to be surprised by my boss's daughter coming up behind me - she happened to come meet him at the office this morning. Very very (very!) grateful it was GYE and not porn. Still hoping she didn't get a good look at the screen (and also that she won't tell her dad I wasn't working . . .)

About a week and a half clean from porn. I'm grateful about that. The eye-groping isn't going well. Trying to just do it, but, well, I'm having trouble doing it. Missing motivation. Relatedly, having trouble finding the time and yishuv ha'daas to get into the spirit of the season. Busy remainder of the week ahead and hoping it'll be clean. 

chosemyshem wrote on 22 Jul 2025 22:46:

Question about the eye-groping and your lack of motivation.
 Is it that you have a desire to ogle and catch a deep eyeful of every lustful sight and you can’t find internal motivation and desire to want to live without that enjoyment? Or is it that you feel compelled by the sights and urges and habitual ogling when in the moment, and though you dislike that, you’re having difficulty to muster up enough motivation to summon the energy to try to deal with it ? 
Im not sure that this question makes sense, or that it’s even an either/or. Maybe a worthwhile question, though. 

Either way, thinking about you.
Probably worth focussing on your wins. 
And, of course, here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim 

ps, sorry it didn’t end up working out the other day.

chaimoigen wrote on 23 Jul 2025 01:10:

The second one. If it matters. 

And you should be

Checking in. 

Had a little bit of a rough day yesterday. I had a work thing in I guess what would be called the business district of a smaller city. Lots of trendy little shoppes, offices, restaurants, etc. The whole area was filled with (what seemed like to me) young vibrant attractive people. Right across from the location I was heading to was a large church (decorated with a beautiful rainbow flag - it was that kinda neighborhood.) And on the church steps was a whole group of young women hanging out and socializing. 

It triggered me hard. One person in particular, but the whole matzav. Later, I was able to sit with the feeling for a little bit and kinda digest what I was feeling. It wasn't just I saw someone attractive and lusted, it was more like desiring a whole different life of freedom. In German they say sehnsucht. A feeling of incompletion and longing for a more ideal alternative life. I imagined these people were happy, free, beautiful, in a way that I was not, and I wanted it. In hebrew maybe we'd say הִתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה. 

Not gonna get into the lie of that feeling. But it's funny though. This feeling was a major trigger for me for a long time (perhaps not in those specific words.) I think I've become a lot more accepting of my life in general. 

I didn't handle the trigger particularly well. It threw me off, in addition to a long hard day. I thought I got past it, but ended up kinda pushing the border of a red circle activity I've avoided pretty well. Not a fall, but something that feels unhealthy to me. That being said, I think being aware of what's happening I would not have the same reaction next time. It also drove home that some substantial maturity type of stuff may have happened - it's been awhile since I felt that way.
It also drove home that if I'd kept my head down the whole time it might've been more effort at the time, but it would've avoided the whole trigger. 

Anyway. Perhaps some excessive philosphizin'. But that's where we're at. 

chosemyshem wrote on 24 Jul 2025 17:35:

Oy can I relate.
KOT

On their "Out of the Box" album, the macabeats sing an Andy Grammer song called "Keep your head up". Awesome song. I love love love it.
However, for guys like us I feel like the words should be changed to "But you gotta keep your head down and you could let your hair grow" lol