chosemyshem wrote on 10 Jul 2024 14:45:

"An important part of really solving the problem may well be seeing the value in every time you hold back."
Not eating the whole cake shows that YOU value holding back for Hashem's sake, which is how you solve your problem. It's not just about it still being precious to Hashem, which it is; it's about you caring too, in spite of the desire to eat as much as you want.

You don't spend your life content to eat half-cakes because Hashem is satisfied with at least getting the remainder. Each time you give, that value shifts from what I want, over to control over what is right.

I think the cake mentality isn't flipping a switch and now everything is good, it's internalizing a mindset that leads us to solving our problem.

BenHashemBH wrote on 10 Jul 2024 15:25:

I wasn't saying "Let them eat cake".  And I really like the attitude conveyed in your post. I just don't hear it as the nimshal of the cake story. 

Would the cake story apply to someone that is miserly and working on giving more tzedaka? Didn't want to give any, tried to give $20 to the meshulach but ended up pulling out a $5 when he walked by.

Maybe I'm reaching, but could you be considering a battle with lust to be different than a battle with other nisyonos / challenges, so the cake is for easy street but not enough for the big game?

Still trying to understand the limitation of valuing self-control and why it doesn't apply across the board (addiction aside).

Everyone gets chizuk from different things, so it's also ok if this simply doesn't do it for you. In that vein, I don't think I should try to convince you that it works. We've elaborated on our viewpoints and its ok to leave it at that 
(I don't mean agree to disagree - I actually dislike that saying, maybe I'll grouch about it sometime. I mean that I can agree with your assessment  for yourself even if it's different than mine - no disagreement. It's not settling, rather understanding).

BenHashemBH wrote on 10 Jul 2024 16:20:

I think we're talking past each other a little. I agree self-control is important. My point was only that the cake story stresses the preciousness of doing whatever you can even if it's not perfect. And that by itself will not solve any sort of real problem (whether with lust, stinginess, anger, jealousy or anything else). 
Of course every journey to success begins with small victories. And perfection is not the opposite of failure (or something like that). But I do not understand the cake story to be saying, "work on small bits of self-control and relating to Hashem and that will help you get to resolving your problem." 
I understand it to be saying, "don't beat yourself up if you only batted .300 because you tried your hardest and Hashem loves your trying." For many people, there's nothing wrong with their swing and by staying positive they'll be able to do the best they can. But for many people this attitude just enables people to keep on batting .300 their whole life without trying to get to the root of their problem, fix their swing, and bat the .600 (or 1.00) they could be batting.

chosemyshem wrote on 10 Jul 2024 13:32:

my techloq, goes to my wife email,
but when i poke, i tell her its nothing, im just trying to watch a shiur, about שמירת ענים and the guy must be using words the filter doesnt like, its a crazy filter...........
and she falls for it hook line & sinker...... theses ladies are so oblivious and so out of reach of whats going on, its scary, girls just dont get it.

cande'

Checking in.

Think it's been about 45 days (give or take 2 or 3 days) clean from masturbation. Unsure if that's progress, but trying to appreciate it in the right way. 

Committing here to set up my Techloq notifications going to a GYE chaver by Friday. 

chosemyshem wrote on 10 Jul 2024 20:32:

POWERFUL!

Why are you unsure if that's progress?

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Jul 2024 13:31:

Challenge accepted. Elaborate away.
Gimme 5 paragraphs

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Jul 2024 13:31:

Excellent question my friend.

To be blunt, I'm unsure if it is progress because my wife has not been a niddah during those days and I may have been unloading my lust with her instead of with myself. I'm also unsure because I've gone 30+ days totally clean a few times before that don't appear to have made any long term difference. I'm further unsure because while I haven't masturbated, I have watched porn, filter poked, and street lusted with perhaps the same intensity during this time. 

So I'm unsure. 

chosemyshem wrote on 11 Jul 2024 13:38:

If you held back once from something that you would have done in the past, than all other chesbonos are irrelevant .
Progress doesn't mean you reached your goal, it means you made at least one step towards your goal.
In your case 45 steps ( give or take 2-3) towards the goal.

( As a side point, you goal is today. So if today you accomplished than today you reached your goal)

Overzealous mods nuked my halachic question (See!). Off topic embarrassing questions about zera are okay but embarrassing personal questions about brachos are not?! Where's the justice? This is probably because I'm Jewish. Discrimination!
I call for a boycott of the site until the mods step down. Everyone is invited to join me in a tent outside GYE headquarters until they capitulate to our demands for sanctions against the mods. 

I got an answer but now I'm scared to post it. Maybe they'll nuke my whole thread in response.

(But for those who actually want to know the halacha. My Rav said that according the plain reading of the shulchan aruch you would have to spit it out. However, Rav Chaim Kanievsky is quoted as saying Chazal were never gozer an issur during tashmish and you don't have to spit it out. He was less sure on the bracha, but thought it is considered disgusting and therefore no bracha is required.)

chosemyshem wrote on 11 Jul 2024 13:47:

Good stuff in going to your Rav!

As far as the boycott is considered, I'm having a hard time thinking of what we could put on the giant placards that eerie will be waving  so I think were better off just writing a nasty email to the Board

redfaced wrote on 11 Jul 2024 13:36:

Start your own thread and Boy will I fill it up!!
Either way, I don't believe I was addressing you...

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Jul 2024 16:48:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/416899-The-Red-Face#416899
G'head . Fill er up