I think there is a way to block everything except one site using the hosts file, google it..

Techloq can give their block all plan for free..

Hatzlacha on the conversations with your wife.

Well. Didn't get around to having any conversations. Had a small fall Friday and was not in the frame of mind for any discussions.

Not really sure what my thought process was. I just wanted it and went for it. I think I got overconfident with my new work filter and let my guard down.
Moving forward:
1) recommitting to reading TBOTG daily
2) updating my work filter with the blocked sites on my home filter (anyone know if I can export a list of sites from techloq and bulk block on a different account?)
3) practicing urge surfing once a day for two minutes

I also think I'm going to back off from the "90 day" count. It was stressing me out. I. Am. Clean. It doesn't matter how many days in a row I specifically have lined up. I was counting it like sefira and I think it was creating some unnecessary pressure.
So today is day one. Tomorrow will also be day one. That's as far ahead as I want to think.
[That being said, whatever day I am on is +32 clean from masturbation. I was going to say also +32 clean from 'hardcore pornography', but that is a meaningless distinction in every way.]

Here’s a hug. 

The difference in intensity and severity of this fall versus previous falls is extremely significant, especially if it’s not being used for justification or as a way to mitigate it. Because it’s a significant way to see and feel that the changes you have been making are becoming internalized, and that you are actually changing. When you can  see how you are different even during a fall then you know you are actually changing. Not just white-knuckling. 

That doesn’t mean the fall is ok. Or that it wasn’t a fall because it wasn’t hard-core. It mean that YOU are more than ok, because you are growing, changing, and reworking the way you react to triggers, and learning to have different patterns. 

KOT. 
Sefira means there’s a Mitzva to count each day , according to the overwhelming majority of Rishonim. Those single days add up into weeks, into a total. There may also be a secondary Mitzva of the entire count, but even that comes from the days adding up. 

So will you. Because I believe in you and so should you. 

Warmly, 
Chaimoigen 

(P.S. At the risk of mentioning something triggering to some , Rav Yisroel Salanter writes that doing Teshuva even in only an aspect of the Aveira to ensure merely that it won’t be as severe, that it won’t be בבחינת הקלות is itself a level of Teshuva that can constitute a level of עזיבת החטא . For some reason I think that this reference might help here, otherwise I wouldn’t have written it. Feel free to disregard.) 

Yes, I heard that techloq can do that, reach out to them.

frank.lee wrote on 05 May 2024 22:53:

They said they could not. Could be I got one of the less knowledgeable people.

Checking in. A rare check in after the end of a work day. My wife's at a simcha. But I told my kids they can stay up till she comes back. Keeps them happy and keeps me honest.

Today went well mostly. Still need to update my blocked sites. Techloq wasn't able to do it the easy way, alas. Spent too long reading some trashy online novel. But better a wasted day than a fall. Though not much better.
So it goes.

Yes, try calling them again and ask for a manager or second level technician. I may be wrong but I think they did it for me once or twice.

You have settings on one account, like a list of sites to allow, and want to copy to another account, right?  How many are on your list?

frank.lee wrote on 07 May 2024 05:00:

I have a bunch of sites that are bad for me that I individually blocked (through their chrome extension tool thingy). I want to get that list and add them as blocked sites to my new account. Not sure how many - probably ten to twenty. They're generally sites that Techloq blocks, but will automatically unblock if requested. I need them added to the individual block list so they won't open automatically. And stupidly you can't add a blocked site to the individual block list, so I'd need to unblock them in  order to block them better. And unblocking a site I know is triggering for me is just asking for trouble.

chooseurname wrote on 07 May 2024 13:22:

Well, the bad news is I'm an idiot. There is no good news.

I decided to unblock these sites to reblock them. The good news is I blocked them all. The bad news is I fell pretty hard. As I knew I would.
I think part of the problem is "knowing" a fall is coming is a self fulfilling prophecy. Should've waited till I was in a better head space. Also should've posted for some accountability. 
The worst part is I knew I was capable of stopping myself and chose not to. I don't know what type of fall is harder: feeling like I have no control (which is a truly unpleasant feeling) or feeling like I could have controlled myself but chose not to.

Blech. 

Boom just keep on going down why not.

After the binge finished I was listening to some veyimain videos to try to pump myself up. 1) EDRANT AGAINST VAYIMAIN OMITTED. 4) I still feel a little better. Oh well.

chooseurname wrote on 07 May 2024 19:18:

I feel like this belongs on the grump board... 

chooseurname wrote on 07 May 2024 15:54:

I feel you on the "Self fulfilling prophecy" thing I have Been there too.

And since today is a ranting day:

YOGA PANTS ARE NOT OFFICE ATTIRE. Put on some real clothes - it's just not professional. Maybe if you were more competent you could dress normally.  

I could handle it if you told me the struggle never stopped. 
I could even handle it if you told me it never gets easier.
But that the struggle never changes? That I'm still falling in the same way for the same things with the same ease. That after month of being squeaky clean at the first opportunity I jump back in to a fall with both feet? I don't know if I can handle that.

I know, I know, focus on the victories. And one (extended) fall does not mean I didn't make a progress. But right now it doesn't feel that way. 

Blech.

chooseurname wrote on 07 May 2024 20:04:

Out of genuine curiosity, as I have been thinking too much about this lately as well...how, specifically, would you define "progress" in this context? And based on that definition, how do you know that said progress was actually made?