chooseurname wrote on 12 Apr 2024 16:08:

Is than in addition to the raise?

redfaced wrote on 12 Apr 2024 17:35:

No raise but got some more higher-paying work. So that's nice

chooseurname wrote on 12 Apr 2024 16:08:

This is such an inspiring post. 

Who knows, but seems to me that it’s possible that you were given a gift. You distracted yourself to the extent that you were capable, and maybe HAshem helped the rest of the way, that the urges weren’t so strong… 

You're growing and changing. And inspiring! 

Thank you, 
Chaim 

Busy days, stressful days. Is it possible to have sholom bayis while pesach cleaning? And on top of that the matziv in eretz yisrael is so scary, so intense. Keep on alternating between looking over my shoulder for old men on donkeys and feeling nervous.

But no time for falling today b"h.

Well, got permission to install Techloq somehow. My boss asked me to find out what data they can access, and I suspect customer support bent the truth a little. I asked customer support if people can view what I'm viewing, and they said it's not reviewed manually. But they must be technically able to see what I'm seeing, right? I also asked if they have access at all to google docs I'm working on and they said no, but that also doesn't sound right. They must be able to see the document while I'm looking at it at least.
Regardless, I forwarded what they said to my boss and he approved me installing it.

Big moment. I even already told my wife about my "moment of inspiration from a shuir I heard" so she doesn't ask questions about the cc bill

Gonna be hard to set it it up right, as I need access to many categories for work that I keep locked at home, but it'll be a massive help b"h.


One of my coworkers showed up today dressed very inappropriately, and I was feeling that yiush-unfairness-grumpy feeling. Is this how it's going to be the whole summer? How am I supposed to watch where I look if everyone is walking around half dressed.(1) Had that, "might as well give in now" blah feeling. Then I got the ok to install the filter.
So this kinda reminded me that, in a way, that's not my problem. I just have to do all I can, keep trucking away, and "let the wicked choke and die".(2) It's not my problem how they dress. I just need to do my part.
(Obviously, I need to not look. But in regards to the yiush that comes with thinking I'm gonna be stuck in close quarters for the summer with people who cannot cover themselves, a much more helpful attitude is that I have what I can do and I only need to do that part). [Any other eitzos for workplace shmiras einayim will be gratefully accepted.]

(1) Funny story about this coworker, with only minor details changed to obfuscate. My company was interviewing people and they decided to make an offer to a physically attractive, outgoing, super-not-tznuis girl. When I heard they made the offer to her I davened that instead they should hire a fat, ugly man. Turns out at the last minute a better candidate came along and accepted an offer before this person could. So the person they ended up hiring, while not a fat ugly man, is a much less physically attractive woman, whom I think is scared to talk to me. 

(2) As this particular coworker may be jewish, I officially am using this expression in the talmudic sense, and instead hope they do teshuva and buy some real clothes. 

And Techloq is installed!

I felt a lot of internal resistance to actually installing it. My mind kept on throwing up objections - "what if it interferes with work" "what if it blocks a site you urgently need and customer service isn't unblocking it" etc. etc.
It's true that these fears are not impossible to happen, but what was activating them was entirely my reluctance to give up that sweet, endlessly free, uncensored internet. So I bit the bullet and installed it right away. 
The setup is kind of loose - for my work I legitimately need occasional facebook access, news, and other sites I don't allow at home. But I think all my go to fall zones are blocked. (And I blocked youtube. I've only needed it for work once I think.) Here's hoping that this is the step I needed to bring to 90 and beyond!

Edit: I feel massively relieved right now. A constant, daily challenge is gone. Okay, not gone completely as g-d knows I've certainly managed to fall extravagantly even with techloq (even with all filtered devices I've never gone more than 30ish days). But greatly diminished. I'd say 5 1/2 heads of this hydra are chopped off. 

Guys, grab the woodford/rishus cold seltzer/celebratory drink of choice and have a large one for me. (I personally am going for the woodford altz biyur chometz). I can't remember the last time I felt this much accomplishment in this inyan. Let's gooooooo!!

chooseurname wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:21:

Good for you! 
I believe you'll find that without access, the mental journey gets considerably smoother 

Wow! You’re a real hero!

Really impressive.

May you be blessed with lots of bracha, peace, harmony, love, and health. May Hashem give you the strength to overcome your challenges in your workplace.

And btw don’t worry so much about EY, your installing the filter was most likely a bigger blow to the YH [or Iran] than all Iron Domb missiles.

Keep Rollin’

Reb chooseyourname!
you're amazing!!
I can relate to the relief you feel, and i'm so happy for you!
i try not to drink during the day... i'm gonna go w rishus cold seltzer.
L'chaim!

chooseurname wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:21:

Yes- giving up the freedom is a huge part of the Nisayon. I think that’s what they were crying about, back in the Midbar, about loosing the “fish” חינם מן המצוות, as Chazal say. 

But the freedom you will feel when you know that you don’t have to feel and succumb to that “pull”, that’s a different kind of Cheirus, baby! 


Kol Hakavod! Yeah, “Needing YouTube” is usually the kind of “need” as in “You need a thneed”.


Just downed a shot of 18 year old Glenlivet. 
You’re special!
Lichayim!!

chooseurname wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:21:

After the Lchaim I just made, if I end up Kashering my fridge with a blow torch, by Merlin's Beard that's on you!!! 

Wow. The boss who one would assume wouldn't allow, gave the green light. There is a Higher Boss who puts the chess pieces in just the right places. (And who knows, maybe the boss is on GYE......) In any event - ashrecha!!

Checking in. Today's going well b"h. No urges, though I'm distracted and getting very little work done.

Good news is the filter works. Bad news is I tested it. 

Used the SOS tool and it prompted me to write what I'm feeling:

There's a tingle in my toes and a thud behind my eyes
an itch inside my nose and a fire in my thighs
The rain is coming down and the clouds are black
All color fades to brown and my heart's under attack
SOS tool at my side, distractions to be found
Urges chasing so I hide, powerless and proud

Anway. Really gotta get some work done today.

chooseurname wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:21:

Wow! Truly inspiring! KOMT my friend! 


AMEN!


I haven't had the right opportunity for this yet. Hopefully tonight I will drink a big shot of Wild Turkey Rare Breed for you my friend! 
KOMT! You got this! You CAN do this!