It seems it would be so embarrassing, so ask him and hopefully that will help you not fall!!!

And worse comes to worse if you chas veshalom fall, he'll be there for your support.... But imagine that you won't fall again and jump in!

Well boys, did something I thought I'd never do.
Just emailed my boss asking for permission to install a filter on my work computer.
Sent him a completely unrelated email, and at the end tacked on this:

On an unrelated note, my Rabbi is campaigning hard for everyone in the congregation to commit to only using a computer with an internet filter on it. I don't want to install any programs on my work computer without your permission, but if you don't mind I'd like to install some sort of filter on the computer.

If I get fired for this I will let y'all know on the grump thread. Though that may not matter - I'm sure i'll be able to quit soon anyway because after I sent that email I davened to win the lottery.

Thanks to HHM for the encouragement to ask, and to Rav Yosef Yosole of Navordak for discussin lo seguru mipnei ish in today's section of madreigas ha'adam.

EDIT: forgot to mention that my boss is terribly slow at replying to email when he wants to be. Also he's an unpredictable egomaniac (in the nicest possible way). So who knows what his reaction will be, and who knows when he'll get back to me. So I'm just sitting on shpilkes for who knows how long.

chooseurname wrote on 09 Apr 2024 00:22:

WOW !!! GOOD FOR YOU !!!! 
( you should have asked him for a raise in the same email just to show him you have nothing against him)

Seriously impressive.
impressively serious. 
An act of Gevura, with verve. 
(insert Gevura’s avatar here) 
KOMT!!!!! 

You are alive and kicking.

Admiringly,
מאן דבעי חיים

redfaced wrote on 09 Apr 2024 00:43:

Lol good advice. Next time.

chooseurname wrote on 09 Apr 2024 00:22:

Way to go, @chooseurname.

Slow day. Felt very antsy. Some urges a couple times but nothing major. 
No response from my boss on the filter, but he's coming in to the office today or tomorrow and will probably respond by then. Iy"h it'll go well.

chooseurname wrote on 09 Apr 2024 00:22:

Man you deserve a trophy for sending that email, I'm also in a filter situation right now, and i don't have the courage to send such an email. Actually I'm not sure if its courage that i lack or the motivation. But either way I'm lacking something. I feel like its more not wanting to rock the ship, or open a can of worms, or wake the sleeping bear. I think my problem may be, that i got comfortable with the fact that my computer is not filtered, which is terrible. If I'm coming across a bit confusing, don't worry, cuz i am.      

I will respond to your email asap, didnt get a chance to look @ it.

p.s. i wont be in the office till after פסח.

best regards,
a GYE friend.

Wow! Stunning!

I'm blown away!

Impressive.

May you be blessed just for taking the step for sending the email and hopefully his response will be a positive one.

iyh2023 wrote on 09 Apr 2024 19:45:

I too lacked motivation, courage, common sense, anti-bear spray, and everything else required to send the email. And there are a million justifications. I don't know if I should share this because people might take this way too far, but I heard from a very reliable source that one of the gedolei hador told him that a filter is not required at work because a person is scared of his boss. (Obviously, I personally have demonstrated this is not a blanket rule, and certainly it does not apply to someone who has a problem in this area). But, lmaiseh there are a million excuses not to filter up. 
What forced my hand was two realizations. First, even if this is not completely necessary to be clean (which I'm not sure about) having a filter on my work computer will make my life a thousand percent easier and lessen the single biggest area of struggle in my life. Second, all I'm scared off is dimyon. I sat and thought it through and there is a 0% chance I'll get fired for asking for a filter (there is a 25% chance I get fired if my boss realizes how much time I've spent watching porn at work). It's a little embarrassing to ask since he has no hasaga of why someone would want to filter for their internet, but so what. That's what email was invented for - so you don't have to ask awkward questions in person.
In short, #justdoit.

Rabbosai, I want to share a lichtige story of hasgache pratis.
If you've wondered, "why do I see all these stories of hasgacha pratis for people who immediately see schar from working hard in kedusha but it never happens to me," then this story is for you.

You won't read this one in living emuna #27. It's fresh off the presses.
Minor details have been changed to obfuscate, but it's absolutely true.
_________

As some of you may be aware, I recently asked asked for permission to install a filter on my office computer. It was very difficult for me to ask, but it was needed for kedusha so I did it. (Translation, my porn usage at work got so extreme I had no choice but to bite the bullet and ask after delaying for 2 months).

Rabbosai, as I sent this modern day korban olah of an email, I knew it was a time when all the shaarei tefillah open. So I took advantage and davened (once I finished shaking). I davened for alot of important things, but most relevant to our story, I davened to win the 1.3 billion dollar lottery. 

Now, while I did that I had second thoughts. How can I daven to win the 1.3 billion dollar lottery when a) the drawing already happened, b) someone else won, c) Hashem probably does not want me to have 1.3 billion because of the copious amounts of crack cocaine I would purchase with it? Isn't this a tefillas shav? But these thoughts came too late. I had already finished saying the tefillah. I justified the tefillas shav by saying maybe I'll win the next 1.3 billion lottery.

But Rabboisai, Hayad Hashem Tiktzor??!!

As I was walking into a restaurant for lunch yesterday I saw a lottery ticket on the floor. I don't usually see lottery tickets on the floor. And if I do see one, I don't look at lottery tickets on the floor. I certainly don't pick them up. This is because I have studied the two rules of economics: 1) There's no such thing as a free lunch. 2) People don't drop winning lottery tickets.
So I ignored it.

Bur Rabboisai! When I walked out of lunch the ticket was still there! And I happened to glance at it and saw that it was dated to the day of the 1.3 billion jackpot. Rabboisai nothing is beyond Hashem! 

So I picked up the ticket! And I ran back to the office to check the winning numbers!  And!

But. I did think it was a nice reminder that I could have won, even after the drawing and without buying a ticket; and that Hashem heard my tefillah. 

@Chooseusernames. 
I Love you!
Stay strong.

Rockstar ShebiRockstar!!

Checking in.

Yesterday was really tough day. Had some relatively large unexpected expenses come up, in addition to the regular whopper pesach expenses. In addition, had a difficult medical thing happen. No danger, b"h, but was difficult. So by the time I got to work I was in a mood. Really had no strength to control myself, and thoughts of escaping with some porn were coming in.

Somehow got through it though. I distracted myself for like 3 hours reading a very kosher novel. Which left me feeling terrible for not earning anything that day, but way less terrible than if I had spent the same 3 hours watching porn. So overall a win. B"h the urges were not so strong, and this mild distraction worked. I really didn't have the strength to fight.

One thing I noticed that the longer I'm clean, the more a gap opens up between the stimulus/urge and the porn/response where I can apply tools to win. Other times even a relatively weak urge like this would have had me going directly to porn without the time to distract myself. Still a fight but I feel like that's encouraging. Not that I'm taking much credit for yesterday - I really was not prepared to fight and b"h the urges were just not so strong.

Update on the filter: My boss asked me to send him what program I was going to install. Didn't instantly bite my head off so that's a plus.