Hi dear friends at GYE!

I write this post with some difficulty... 

You see, I am an introvert. I love being with my own thoughts. My own thoughts are usually great company! I love nature, and where I live, I can get lost in Hashem's beautiful world for hours on end, drinking in every detail, from the soaring eagles above, to the tiny minnows in the river, to the insects scurrying about all around me. 

I love people too, of course! I don't consider myself to be particularly selfish, or self absorbed (I hope!). On the contrary, I love to listen to people, and feel along with them. I see and feel things that some people don't. I enjoy many wonderful relationships with the people around me, and now, since recently signing up, with the special people of GYE. 

Yet, I very often need a break from...people. I feel overwhelmed in large crowds, and crave to return to my space and solitude. My senses get overloaded with the crush of so many people, the multitudes of conversations going on around me. I am not sad about this, It's the way Hashem made me, and I try to work with it, sometimes pushing myself to do what I need to do, especially in Yiddishkiet, which is a very social experience. 

I am mentioning all this, because, I am asking the oilim for their thoughts on this.... as I've seen since I joined GYE, the connection, and reaching out, making friends, is one of the main keys to dealing with our struggles. 

But what do I do if, like today, I am just not in the mood of dealing with anybody or anything? If I am not in a matzav of "being challenged" by my struggles to look where I shouldn't, that's fine. But, a day like today, I do feel very strong urges to see inappropriate things that come my way. Or the ones that don't come my way...but I know exactly where to get them.

It took a lot of strength to post this, but I won't have this strength all the time. What does an introvert do with his urges, when all he wants is to be left ALONE?

perhaps share your struggle with your creator. he is always with you, even when you want to be alone. he created the struggle and he is rooting the hardest for you to overcome and grow from the experience.

from my limited experience, many of those of us who struggle are introverted by nature. you are not alone in your aloneness!

best wishes
vehkam

My friend, sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do. It would be nice if everything had a nice and easy, comfortable solution. But it's not reality. Sometimes what we need to do is hard and uncomfortable. My two cents? If you are being challenged, reach out. Tomorrow you'll go back to your solitude:)

Definitely sounds like your words are coming from a deep place...

I can relate to some of the things you described...i share my feelings with my introverted friends...

Maybe pick one or two easygoing fellows here who will respect your need for privacy, and share with them. In addition you should just know that there are many lonely fellows surrounded by hundreds of acquaintances...and that many of us appreciate nature in very deep ways...

Hashem Help Me wrote on 29 Aug 2023 01:04:

I can strongly recommend HHM as a easy going fellow.
The truth is every one of the people that responded to you up till me are very special people, that would happily be available for you on your own terms & schedule . Non judgmental friendship with people that understand you because they've walked the same path .
Trust me.
Trust everyone here that says that ,
Give it a try.

Hatzlocha!!!

Hello!
I am coming a bit late to this conversation, and just want to add some thoughts to that which was eloquently said before...

I am one who has walked an incredibly dark and lonely road. 
I walk that road, even though I am (mostly) extroverted, and know and connect to many people. Because my internal landscape is mine alone, with almost no one to share it with. The maelstrom of emotions and feeling and thoughts that are in my heart and mind are only mine to sort out, agonizingly. 

I, too, love to take a "green shower", [as a fellow I met in the woods once called it] - to go out, and surround myself in the green, to lose the train of thoughts, alone with the smell of the dark loam and forest earth. Or to stand by a mountain creek and watch the water, the trees, and sometimes the mountain goats...  

I sit by weddings, surrounded by chattering people, some of whom are waiting to talk to me, and often feel a powerful urge to run screaming from the hall. Sometimes I hide out in the yichud room, after chosson and kalla have left, sometimes with a sefer, and sometimes only kept company by mine own thoughts.... 

But. Sometimes it's better, I have learned, to be alone, together. 

​Since I have arrived on GYE and started posting, and then went onward to meeting the good people here, things are different in my life.
Real connections have been forged by sharing the shapes of my fears, struggles, hopes and even dreams, with some special, special people.

This has opened doors for me that decades of lonely work could not.

If I could share my tuppence with you - t's worth it, my friend. When you don't know what you want, what to do, where to put yourself - you'll have someone to call. Someone who understands. That's worth alot more than one can imagine. 

There will be still be plenty of time left over for peaceful, contemplative, fulfilling, substantive, solitude.     

The only problem is - sometimes you're maybe not in the mood of connecting with anyone - but your friend needs you. I suspect you may develop that problem, as you go on to help others.....

Dear Friends, 

I added the word “together” to the name of the thread, inspired by chaimoigen, who struck a chord with his words about “being alone, together!” 


All the replies above were so sensitive and meaningful to me, I was touched to the core by each and every one!

As I get to know some of you, I have to say, the people of GYE are of the finest, most authentic people I have ever known. 

I just want to share, that this Shabbas was incredible.  Friday night, in the past, I’ve usually stayed quiet, lost in my own thoughts, as my kids sang zmiros.

This week, something felt different.

I closed my eyes and let the words and melodies wash over me, starting to hum along…eventually, we all sang along together, me, my wife and children, song after song, the passage of time forgotten . It felt just like back in the good old dirah days when we had a kumzitz over a hot plate of cholent after a solid seder. 

So, it’s a small step, but I just want to thank the community of GYE for making this possible. It could never have happened without you guys!!!

Yes, my friend. 
Being part of this special community is healing, and helps us achieve wholesome wholeness. It’s a beautiful feeling. 

Thanks for staying. See you around!! 

I love it, my friend. I'm just a mushy guy, and I got all emotional thinking of the scene you described. My friend, keep on trucking, and keep on posting!