Hey,
The past 2-3 weeks have been very hard for me, I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster without any hope of getting off anytime soon. This has slowly led me back to a desire to turn to P and M as a means of escape. Basically the only things stopping me was the filter on my computer, but that won't always be enough. I have been reading the B of the G most days and it is definitely very beneficial in helping me build an internal desire to succeed. Hopefully this phase will pass but I'm not sure how long it will be.
Hashem should continue to help all those who are fighting the fight.

For an extra boost, try writing for 10 minutes a day in your own words about one of the topics you've learned about from The Battle of the Generation (or from anywhere else). It helps bring it inside you and make it more real.

hopefulposek wrote on 27 Dec 2023 14:45:

Filters are a necessary, but not sufficient, condition for being clean. Keep up the good fight!

I would agree with Journaling. It is part of my everyday practice. It starts in the morning with GYE and then I break out a few different journals and write about everything from the Parsha to the trigger that I saw walking down the street today, to my relationship with my children. It does not matter the topic, just the act of putting pen to paper is beneficial. You will be amazed at what gets down on the paper. There have been many days that I have written, "I have nothing to write about" and within a few minutes, I am filling page after page with thoughts and ideas.

Best of luck

Thanks for the idea, I am going to give it a try. I think a main catalyst was falling out of a lot of my healthy habits (exercising, checking in and posting on GYE twice a week, as well as doing various mental exercises). The emotional wreck I've been has made it very hard to continue doing things with consistency.
I was thinking last night about how I was feel 50 days ago, a week after hitting 90 days, and I recall telling one of my friends that when I saw a women on the street I felt no desire to look, I had specifically worked on this nisayon with a lot of visualization and had made tremendous progress. But now I feel myself slipping back to having the desire. I very much would want to be back where I was before, a to do that I need to get back to my old (good) habits.
But right now I'm going through a fair amount of stress related to marriage and find it hard just stam to make it through the day. I started having desires to take up drinking or smoking (which I never did before) just because I need some escape. I realize these are not healthy coping mechanisms, but practically that's where I'm holding.
I also found myself drawn to fantasizing again, even though I hadn't had a major struggle with that in a few months. Again in order to have some escape from the emotional turmoil.
B"H I love my wife and she loves me and we aren't having "real" shalom bayis issues, more just trying to figure some stuff out, so the consensus from rabbeim who I talked to was that we should go on vacation, which I think is a great idea and hopefully will work out soon.
However, until it's actually planned, I don't know when it will happen because so many times before we've meant to go away and it didn't end up working out for various reasons. Therefore there's still the stress without the knowledge of it ever going away.
So, to summarize: 1) I need to actively plan the vaca with my wife.
2) need to list my old habits and fingure out how to get back into them.
3) I'm going to do the Shovavim challenge, it will give me something to focus on for the next few weeks.
4) Remember everyday that Hashem loves me and wants me to succeed.
Thanks for reading, I needed to just put everything down and I found posting my thoughts and reading peoples input is very helpful for me.

I saw a gemara (Gittin 11a) which says that it's not a zechus to free a slave because he would rather be together with a non-jewish maidservant because she is (paraphrasing) able to fulfill more of his Taavos and more frequently available. This means that the extra indulgence in taavah for this guy is worth being enslaved and not freed.
To me this was very disheartening, when I was involved with P and M I was able to indulge whenever I wanted and could have them do whatever I wanted even if it was disgraceful. And this Gemara is saying that to switch from that is so difficult that one would rather stay a slave. So what am I supposed to do doesn't that mean that I won't be able to be fulfilled in my desires anymore?
I know this is not an accurate understanding of the battle against the yetzer but I wanted to hear if anyone had any thoughts on it.

hopefulposek wrote on 01 Jan 2024 15:14:

This Gemara is telling us exactly what it means to be a slave. Think about it, this person would rather be a slave because he gets some momentary pleasures. He is enslaved to his desires and he can't think about anything beyond this moment and real life accomplishments and enjoyments. 

A recovering addict once wrote that when his father began reciting the Haggadah at the Seder, and said, “Avadim hayinu (we were slaves),” he interrupted him. “Abba,” he said, “can you truthfully say that you were a slave? Your ancestors were slaves, but you don’t know what it means to be a slave. I can tell you what it is like to be a slave. All the years that I acted out, I had no freedom. I had to do whatever my addiction demanded. I did things that I never thought I was capable of doing, but I had no choice, no free will. I was the worst kind of slave.”

This is a precious insight. Slavery is not limited to a despotic Pharaoh or a slave owner. A person can lose his freedom and be a slave to himself, to his habits and negative character traits.  A person whose self-concept is dependent on what others think of him, or whose behavior is totally determined by what he thinks others want him to be, he, too, has no freedom. He is not free to do what he thinks is right and proper, but what others think is right and proper. Anytime one loses control of any aspect of one’s behavior, one is a slave.

Our goal is to work on being freed from slavery to bad desires. To be able to choose what is really good for us in the long run and not be blinded by momentary pleasures like the slave in Gittin 13a ...

Excellent response Davidt. You hit the nail on the head (as usual).

BH planned a mini pre vacation vacation with my wife and feeling a lot more relaxed. Started getting back to taking a walk everyday and doing the TAVLIN routine in the morning as well as a daily reading of B of the G which is giving me a lot of fresh perspective on the battle. A big point that is mentioned over and over and helps me is focusing the fact that your challenged (and especially in the moment before going into a challenging situation) is a moment to show your strength, to prove that you are a warrior. And even if you don't make it through the battle "uninjured" every bit you can push back the enemy is a tremendous accomplishment.
It helps me a lot to use war and battle metaphors to better visualize and make real the accomplishments and fight that's going on. 
I also saw a line from the Alshich that "Jewels in a crown are never heavy" (something along those lines) and it was Mechazek me, when their is a desire and it's so hard to back off, really picture the diamond in your mind which is there for you right if you back away. Try and make it as vivid as possible (I pretend to grab it out of the air and put it in my pocket as I walk away or change my focus or close the browser). And the diamond isn't "just" olam haba, think about all the benefits that you feel right now, the freedom from constant urges, the feeling good about doing the right thing, and how it will help your current or future marriage and build a bond between you and your wife.
You may have to earn a few purple hearts before the war is over, but you are not beaten until you hand over your weapon to the enemy. Never Give Up! You have the most powerful ally on your side who will always back you up even when you fall.

"I have not come to this world merely to fulfill my obligation" - The Kopischnitzer Rebbe
"View each day as a page in your autobiography" - Rabbi Yechezkel Abramsky

B"H things are going well, trying to just have more fun with my wife and get back to some good habits. I'm still reading the B of the G and it is very good, many solid insights and motivation to stay focused.
I noticed something the other day while discussing with a chaver about joining the Shovavim Challenge, which I had already signed up for. I felt that it was a bit funny signing up for 50 days of filtering devices, guarding my eyes in the street and not falling. It was funny becaused I had no Hava Meina that I wouldn't make it. My devices are all filtered, and any holes I find I plug up, I guard my eyes in the street and I feel almost no urges to act out.
Just wanted to give a public Hodaah to Hashem for helping me get to this point, where I feel weird making a commitment to not act out because it's off the radar. Also a thanks to everyone on this site for the constant encouragement, motivation and advice.
Looking forward to reaching 180!

It was a little funny and sad to read my previous post while I prepared to type this one;
I had a fall last week and another one this week. Basically was feeling a bit burnt out about stuff (not shmiras eiynayim) and had access to an unfiltered smartphone, and fell. But...
I am proud of the fact that I did not fall right away and used some of my tricks to push off the nesayon.
I am proud of the fact that I made it so far, and it was not for nothing, even though I fell I am still much much much much stronger than I was a year ago.
I am proud that I did not just collapse afterwards but decided right away to get back up and keep moving forward IY"H I WILL NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT!
I am proud to know where I am holding and take this opportunity to prepare for future battles.
I am proud that I have begun to take steps to make sure I can't access this device anymore as well as strengthen me internally so even when I do get access again (because it will happen eventually) I will be ready to address the challenge properly.
I am proud that in almost half a year I only fell twice (which I never thought I could do before joining GYE)
I am proud to be a servant and warrior of Hashem. And I will continue to make him proud.

I am not really focusing on my streak anymore (mainly because it's hard to start at zero again) but rather going to take stock after I hit the 180 day and then 365 days from when I started my good streak. I think this better reflects how I'm doing rather than looking at the current and past streaks.

I had an 89-day streak, then 34 days with 3 falls and now I am at a 76-day streak. My falls made me make major adjustments to my strategy. It is the conglomerate of 199 days that got me to where I am today. I look at the big picture.

How are you doing, friend? 

"Success in learning is not detectable to the eye of the student." - The Steipler Goan. (I feel this can also apply in Shmiras Eiynayim, even if after working on yourself and doing the F2F program and other methods to stop gazing at women you still find yourself struggling, it can be hard to see the progress you've made and how much better you are doing even if your still slipping and falling. I've found it to be beneficial to think back occasionally to how I used to not be able to handle struggles, or falls, so well and compare to how I'm doing now, in order to see the big picture.)
BH doing well, thanks for asking!
I actually feel totally fine, this is not like other times where I would slip back into a cycle of P and M after having a fall, I am feeling great and looking forward to continue on a good path.
One step at a time, marching forward on the path of glory!