You are awesome! 

I recommend staying connected to GYE somehow. The support is crucial. Filter all devices, only using filtered devices it the epitomy of TRUE self control.  Also, I highly reccomend waiting to get married til you can do a year clean. It will save your married life. (Be makpid on dating only girls who are okay only having filtered devices...)

Keep up the awesome work! I respect you alot for being vulnerable like this! It took me way too long... 

Hi emes-a-yid! First time reading your story, I'm amazed! You are unbelievable! Keep it up, my friend! You can do it
I'm happy to see you didn't ask why you should only date girls who are with you on filtering every device. I don't know how long you should be clean before getting married, I would tell you to reach out to some of the special people here who help others along to get their opinion, but the  being that you commented on my thread...

welcome! Thank you for sharing your story which is unfortunately way too common. It appears that you are dealing with this in a healthy and positive way. If you deal with this now (as your are doing) you will avoid alot of heartache down the road...

I am sure that you understand that the temptations and urges that you feel are perfectly normal. That is how hashem created us. Our job is to learn how process and deal with those feelings. It is not our job to get rid of them.

I hope you also know that these challenges are not annoyances that are getting in the way of our growth. Quite the opposite, the challenges are sent specifically by hashem and our opportunities for growth. Every time that you hold back from something inappropriate is another rung climbed on the ladder of greatness.

If you look at your history with honesty (emes) you will see that you are resisting the temptations far more times then you are giving in. This should continue to be a source of pride and confidence for you.

Since you indicate that your struggles are limited when you don't have access to the internet, It would be wise to use that time to strengthen your resistance to these temptations. Strengthening your resistance means actively pushing forward. For myself that includes reading a chapter of the book "the battle of the generation" each and every day. For you it may be something else. Whatever it is, it should be something that will build up your awareness of your connection with hashem. Something that will reinforce your desire to be a complete eved hashem. When the desire to serve hashem is stronger then the desire to run after temptation, the challenges in this area will be much less. (while it is always wise to have filters etc... the goal is to become so committed to serving hashem, that even with an unfiltered device in a closed room, your desire to serve hashem will be stronger and you will not succumb to other desires. )

It is also important to be aware that if you see that it is not working to your satisfaction having a partner or mentor to talk to is usually extremely helpful.

Wishing you tremendous hatzlocha
vehkam

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I don't clearly understand if you agree to wait a year, and for what reason if so. It's an obvious to me regarding ppl exposed need some Yidiah etc.. but not to the point "unless it's outrageous type that the guy has no grip on himself" to wait, especially factoring ppl that know about this stuff already... I think you chap what I mean.. waiting makes no sense to ppl that know about it all so education wouldn't be neccessary, only an accountability or so. That's my own opinion.
sorry if I come across harsh feel free to respond back

emesayid

Emes-a-Yid wrote on 11 Dec 2022 03:26:

Hi! It seems like I wasn't clear enough, so I'll try. I have no idea how long one should be clean before getting married. I suggest reaching out to one of the special mentors that can be found here, they would probably have a good idea. But from your response it seems that you understand the reason behind the wait is to make sure that you don't slip in, so only someone who doesn't have a handle on themselves should wait. No, my dear friend. It has nothing to do with falling again. When people are exposed to the garbage that is porn they get all the wrong ideas of what it means to get married, of what it means be with their wives. I unfortunately learned this on my flesh, even though my exposure to porn was after I got married, and I already had an idea of what intimacy is all about. But still, the exposure corrupted me and my ideas about intimacy. I will not go into detail now, but i was doing things that did not belong in a marriage that is built on trust, caring, love, mutual respect. If you had exposure then your mind has already created ideas of what your marriage will look like, what you're going to do, etc. and all those ideas are dead wrong. So, to give yourself the best shot at having a successful marriage you will need to reeducate yourself at what it means to be married. That takes time and education. It's an effort that you and every single guy out there must make before you get married, because you cannot enter a marriage and expect everything to work out if your mind is filled with all the wrong ideas. So again, you need time, to let the wrong ideas fade, and to educate yourself as to the correct way in marriage. If you will not educate yourself you are bound to fall back to the knowledge that is stored in your mind, knowledge that is disastrous to marriages. How should you educate yourself properly? I asked that question, and one of the special mentors here wrote that the best and most effective way is face-to-face with a rebbe/frum therapist/GYE approved person. I hope I've been clear. If not, feel free to ask again.
Keep up the streak! We are rooting for you!

    41 days completed, almost half way!       

the goal is to become so committed to serving hashem, that even with an unfiltered device in a closed room, your desire to serve hashem will be stronger and you will not succumb to other desires. )