chancy wrote on 16 Nov 2022 17:05:

I have no words!!!! Love it! Love you!! You should be gebantched!

I bh got some real good device from a very special person on this forum… he texted me the day after I fell how I’m celebrate my accomplishment? I texted him back -what?!?! Like that was the last thing I wanted to do than… but bh I spoke to him and I bh listened to him… and last night I had a celebration (ice cream party with my wife- BH I’m privileged that she knows abt my struggles and is with me with my falls and celebration…) and I feel so good happy etc. first I bh made it 110 days clean and second I don’t feel like I’m counting day 1 but I feel I’m counting day 112 with small fall at 110… I want to thank everyone that reads and replys or thx me on my post…It gives me chizuk to type this all but even more that I know people read it and reply or send a thank you on bottom… so THANK YOU!!!

Geshmak! wrote on 16 Nov 2022 20:13:

Fantastic! That’s it…It’s not all or nothing. One event does not eliminate prior success or victories. So happy for you. Onward…

Geshmak! wrote on 16 Nov 2022 20:13:

110 days is HUGE! 
You are so lucky you have such a supportive wife.

wishing you much hatzlocha! 

On Friday I had big nissyen and I bh pulled through!! Thank you H’!! 
I want to share it with all my friends… basically it was a crazy hectic Friday getting ready for shabbos and I was somewhere and had to get home so ordered a car service… but when the car arrived it was a lady driver and she was dressed very provocatively … so I shouldn’t of got into the car I should’ve just canceled but it was late and I was rushing… so I got in and I wasn’t so careful with my eyes and mind but when I got out all crazy thoughts and fantasies were driving my mind crazy…so I tried to call one of my friends from gye for some chizuk but he didn’t pick up( didn’t think he/you would I’m sure you were busy getting ready for shabbos ) but right then I was machlit(made a strong decision)to stop thinking abt this whole episode I had and just forget abt it… think abt her would also be called cheating on my wife… so that’s what I did! It was hard in the beginning to push away the thoughts I had to keep thinking of random stuff every time the thought came in,but after it just stopped bugging me… and now I don’t even remember how she looks… On shabbos I told my wife abt it… And I was wondering out loud why H’ gives me such hard nissyines… so my wife told me maybe because I fell Sunday and I’m in the process of doing teshuvah H’ sent me a strong test to see if I’m serious abt it and now that I past it I’m clean from what I did… hope she’s right!!
i don’t know if makes sense to write this here but I just want to thank H’ that I have such an amazing understanding wife… hope u all have the same or get the same cause it’s a lifesaver for me…

Another thing I want to share is… that a person doesn’t remember the pain sadness depression etc of after a fall… like I was clean bh for 110 days than i had a big hard fall and I felt this whole week like I used to feel… depressed no self confidence mad at people for no reason etc. this used to be a regular by me… bh when I was 110 clean I felt much happier I had a ton of confidence loved people loved life etc. but I didn’t realize it till I fell  and got all the bad feelings back(maybe that’s why I fell to start appreciating my new life H gave me!)but if I would remember the pain I  went through this week before my fall I would off not fell I would of controlrd it wouldn’t be worth for me.. but a person forgets he’s pain if only we could remind our self some how before a fall the pain that we will go through after…

Thank you for sharing. 
I can see myslef in the same position. You did great! 
However, you should work thru the F2F program. it will give you lots of tools to work with. 
for example, instead of fighting every thought that comes into your head, you couldve used diffusion which would work a bit like this.
Thought: i am in a taxi with a provocatively dressed woman and i want to think about her improperly and im getting all kinds of fantasies in my head. 
Me: I hear you, thougth. I understand where you are coming from, i know that i gave you lots of power back when i was looking and doing all kinds of bad stuff, and i totally feel why you want to go down that same route, im not fighting you. Thank you for being here. HOWEVER, I have changed and I know better what i really want and whats important to me, My main goal in life is Hashem, My family and being healthy, and this is not good for either of those things so i will not pursue these thoughts any longer.  You are welcome to continue what you want, i am not giving you any more power either by fighting you or by consciously continuing the train of thoughts that you want. 
This is a very short version of diffusion, the idea is to realize that the thoughts are not you and to be at ease and to know that they can come and go but you are a person and you know better and you are bigger and holier. 

Good luck. 

chancy wrote on 21 Nov 2022 20:39:

Thank you chancy for your beautiful and clear response !!
btw I wish I can go through f2f but I can’t I don’t have any access to gye videos… I wish I did because now I don’t have any real resources tools etc how to fight my urges etc. basically for me works best no access… like when I do I’ll do anything to find something. So after breaking so many filters I put on my computer a filter called netfree it’s an amazing strong non brake able filter but it’s very strict and doesn’t let gye and on my iPhone I have parental control with only kosher kosher apps on and also gentech filter to block other stuff… and because of that I can’t watch the videos on f2f. I’m really missing out but at least I have this beautiful forum that I get so much chizuk from…

You should reach out to GYE. 
Im sure they can find a way around that. 
Mayne they can send you the videos downloaded in zip file so you dont need to stream online. 
Its well worth it/. 

Geshmak! wrote on 22 Nov 2022 01:55:

Please email me at  chaim@guardyoureyes.org and I'll send you some lessons in PDF format

chancy wrote on 22 Nov 2022 18:08:

Your so so nice! Thank you so much! 

Chancy I see you sent me a pm I can’t access my pm so don’t think I’m cv ignoring you…

I couldn’t have sent you a PM because I don’t have access either……
we’re both blacklisted……. Good company…..

chancy wrote on 28 Nov 2022 15:35:

Lol! I just checked my email and I see it was captain that sent me that pm… but it’s bashert I post this cause I feel so bad what I did and I’m embarrassed etc that I used gye wrongly ( I came on here in the first place not for the right reason) but now I see that good guys like you also made mistakes I’m takah in good company… I ask gye I few times to open it for me but they didn’t…. So I put my email address in my signature even though I really don’t want to like I’m happy that gye is watching out for trouble and if cv some bad guy emails me dirty stuff I have no way to block him… but I still put my email and davened to h that I shouldn’t be nechshul cause I puf it for him to help people that need it a few people reached out to me through my email and I give them chizuk bh!

But I have a question for gye don’t you believe in תשובה?!?! Like I’m happy you blacklisted me for what I did but I changed I bh found the real light if gye! So now it’s time to reopen my pm… but I guess you have your own rules. But I still appreciate and have tremendous הכרת הטוב to your organization you literally saved my life and you gave my wife back her lovely geshmakah husband and my kids a loving father!!