I don’t chap what you said…
can you please explain me in simple English why if there are two guys walking down the street one sees every immodest dressed woman and the other doesn’t even notice… and if they both do one gets all fired up like I wish I could have sex with her etc. and the other just gets on with he’s life????

Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 17:43:

The other guy is not normal. That’s as simple English as it gets. Now move on with your life 

Ok?

lol!!
I’ll try 

It’s actually not so funny… I live in bp and most men here are the other guy(I think at least) so I feel like I’m the not normal one not them… like when I go to airport with a bunch of chasdim I’m the only guy make sure to be so careful with my eyes cause I know what will happen if I’m not but all ( most) are just fine and chilled as if nothing going on around ( they think like just don’t look or like don’t think into what you see… like big deal) but for me it is!!

So today is my 90th day that I was bh not mzl. last time I did it was jul. 27. last night was a real tough one I actually cried like a baby that I want to see stuff my wife thought im going crazy told her I don’t like the life style I’m living want to just do what I want etc. but bh I just cried myself to sleep and woke up clean!!! So bh I get a BIG MAZEL TOV I MADE IT!!!!
thank you H’!!
H’ should help me further and further-forever! 
if you see this please answer with a mazel tov etc. and a bruchah thx. It will give me much chizuk to see how many other fellow yidden are happy and celebrating with me getting to day 90. (Even if never posted anything ever before let this be your first wishing someone on he’s hatzluchah)

Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 17:43:

i will try to explain.  In healthy attraction a person walking down the street will notice a women that is attractive to him.  His mind will then quickly filter that result based on the appropriateness of the attraction.  e.g. if one of them is already married then she is off limits.  He will not fantasize about her because it is not an option.  If indeed she is an option, then he will go about courtship in a respectful and appropriate way. 

Obviously if someone is dressed very provocatively this can play with your mind, but ultimately, someone that has a healthy way of feeling and processing attraction will filter the person out because they are off limits.  

someone with a distorted and unhealthy sense of attraction, will walk down the street without this filter.  Everyone they see has the potential of being the object of his fantasies.  Instead of thinking that the woman is attractive to me, let me see if i can find out more about her, get to know her etc in an appropriate manner, he can jump straight into sexually fantasizing about her without knowing her at all and without knowing if he would enjoy having a conversation with her.

This is posted on a very simple level.  There are many steps to healthy courtship.  Fantasizing about sleeping with random women you see  on the street is not one of them.  There may be many people that do it and think that it is normal.  It is not healthy and it is not an indication of having more sex drive, It is an indication of not knowing how to properly process and filter attraction.

I am not saying this in judgement of your feelings of attraction, rather i am trying to explain the clinical difference as i understand it between healthy and unhealthy attraction.

wow! mazal tov!!

Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 18:41:

tremendous mazel tov!!! please celebrate with something nice.
Keep inspiring us.

best wishes
vehkam

Mazel Tov! Maa'la Maa'la!

Geshmak! wrote on 24 Oct 2022 18:41:

Big mazal tov to you! We are all proud of your amazing accomplishment. Keep up the great work and keep up the willingness to suffer any physical pain you might experience in your ongoing journey of living a life of morality and rejection of pritzus. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it to do what's right.

Mz”t on your accomplishment
it does in a way get easier over time
i think a lot has to do with the way you go about it.
First of all, any yid, especially a Ben torah would want to keep his mind busy with divrei Torah at every moment… that itself elevates you and it’s a major help.
Second, when you do notice a woman and find her attractive, what do you do with that thought? There is a whole spectrum of choices. You can take it further, and start to fantasize about doing things with her. Or you can reflect/obsess on the attraction without fantasizing. Or you can notice the beauty. You can obsess over that too, or you can think yourself, yes, this is a beautiful woman hashem created , אין  אשה אלא ליופי….
At any moment you are free to turn away, and redirect your thoughts to whatever was occupying your mind the moment before, or divrei Torah… thoughts are like a running stream of water… the thought you had a second ago is now gone down the river…

*when I say “ you can” above  it doesn’t mean it’s mutar lhalach

I want to thank everyone that took the time to congratulate me. Than you very much!!


Someone sent me a message(pm)…I don’t want him to think I’m ignoring him so I’m writing this… I can’t use pm on gye (please don’t ask why:wink:) so who ever you are and what ever you sent or any question you asked please feel free to post it here.
no need to worry know body knows your true identity anyway and I won’t get insulted either. Thx! Looking forward to see it.
ps please write that you are the one that pmed me so I should know (cause I’m so curious what it was)

Btw does anybody know how I could get my pm opened again like can I do teshuvah or it’s to late I lost my chance?!?!
like who can I connect or will it just open again by itself?

You should be able to reach out to the mods here and under Contact GYE:
guardyoureyes.com/support

Geshmak! wrote on 25 Oct 2022 18:18:

I've been in PM quarantine a while back for about a month (more accurately, my PM was in quarantine), after which I emailed the Mods, and they reopened it.