FWF, I don't have any suggestions, just wanted to tell you that I'm amazed by you! Here you have a bachur, he has a device, he falls, but he catches himself! Yosef HaTzaddik also lost ten droplets, the greatness was that he stopped in the middle! You are making me proud, so what do you think Hashem is feeling about you! Keep on fighting, with fire! And don't forget to keep posting. I want to hear how your doing, stuggles, successes and all. Davening for you...btw, you can also daven for me:)

jackthejew wrote on 27 Nov 2022 08:21:

Maskim all the way that if a person has a problem with lusting etc then a filter won’t solve it … and off course you got solve the core problem and work on yourself etc. but a person has to make gidurem and put on good filters like if you have open internet or a easy to brake filter you’ll probably fall way faster than someone that has he’s devices filtered good… like I koshered every thing before taking care off the problem ( I’m still in the middle) and when I had urges 2 am the only option was to drive to Walmart or call chat lines and the drive I didn’t do and falling to chat lines is way better then falling to porn… feel free to argue…
btw you were able to watch porn on a computer that  has the filter company netfree?!?!?

Netfree has many different settings. I am someone who has found illicit content on every device/filter (gentech/netspark/mishimer etc etc etc) i have tried on except netfree on the highest setting (meah shearim community guidelines). 

There are many different levels of settings on netfree, and only on the highest level was i unable to find porn. 

I do want to reiterate, even netfrees highest level doesn't work because even though i wasn't able to find porn, just looking and trying so hard too, and finding illicit materials, a little here a little there, was the catalyst to me falling multiple times.

Human being wrote on 27 Nov 2022 21:59:

Porn videos may be hard to find on the "Meah Shearim community guidelines" level of Netfree, but 1. Unfortunately not impossible
2. Plenty of other triggering and explicit stuff can found

WOW-I come back after a mere 3 days, and find that my request for eitzos got a whopping TWELVE responses. Mi K'amcha Yisroel! And God bless GYE.

After reading through all the posts (thank you to everyone who took the time to respond), the eitzah I find most practical (and most easily applicable) is the one suggested by HHM and Zedj, to post on the forum every time I have to use this device, stating that I'm going on/off and how it went, creating accountability.

So, starting right now-I'm on said device as I type, with nobody around. It's tempting, no doubt about it, but I'm fighting hard. Hope that BE"H when I give my next update, the streak will still be going.

(P.S. Although the 2nd Seder Chavrusa that I originally found was not a good match, I found a terrific Chavrusa via word-of-mouth the very next day, and we're absolutely k'nocking, B"H. )

Hope everybody is doing well. Hatzlacha to all. 

FWF

MADE IT! Still clean and feeling great, B”H. Will update again in a couple of days, BE”H. 

Hope everybody is doing well. Hatzlacha to all.

FWF

Fell yet again. Didn't post that I was going on the device out of fear that I would fall, which of course I then did. Getting very frustrating and I'm losing confidence in my ability to preserve and fight. So I'm going to ramble on for a bit. Bear with me.

I've been reading R' Dovid Ashear's terrific "Living Emunah" series as of late, it's enormously practical and helps me understand why Hashem makes it so hard despite my desire for change. In one lesson, R' Ashear talks about how much we complain about the negative elements/difficulties in out lives while not recognizing/ignoring how much good there is. He brings a mashal from the terrific (and extremely witty) R' Fishel Schachter to bring out this point.

A man exits a conference room after a very intense corporate meeting and goes to the roof to get some fresh air. As he steps onto the roof, the door locks shut behind him. He realizes that nobody can hear him from the inside. Additionally, he has left his phone in the conference room. He concludes that his only way to get down is to throw something off the roof in the hope that somebody down below will notice him. He takes an expensive coin out of his pocket and throws it down onto the sidewalk. A man comes along just as the coin lands in front of him. He smiles, puts it in his pocket, and walks away. The man on the roof, stunned that the person didn't even look up to see where the coin came from, throws down a second coin. It ricochets off the side of the building, and. lands in front of another man who exclaims "Wow, my lucky day!", takes the coin and goes on his way. In frustration, the man on the roof kicks a small rock, which plummets down and lands on a man's foot. The man immediately looks up at the roof and starts hollering and screaming at the guy on the roof in fury.

This is how we react in life in regard to what the Ribono Shel Olam decides is best for us. When the good happens, we take it for granted and move on without thanking Hashem even once. When the bad happens, we immediately cry "Why, Hashem, why?"

Gratitude. It's an enormous tool we can use. Let's implement it. Starting now.

Hashem, thank you for all the good you've given me. Please give me added strength in the fight against this evil, so that I can be a better eved Hashem and Yid, and continue to serve you b'leiv shalem and with a clear, healthy mind.

Love, your child,

Fighter With Fire

Checking in. Been clean for a week, B"H! Feeling quite good, confident, calm. Here's to that continuing BE"H.

Hope everybody's doing well. Hatzlacha to all.

FWF

FighterWithFire wrote on 13 Dec 2022 23:03:

Great progress! 
Keep the fire burning! 

10 days clean, B"H! Feeling terrific, especially since I resisted a MAJOR urge Thursday night (was alone with unfiltered device, DID NOT FALL!). Here's to continued confidence and calm.

A Gutte Voch to all, hope everybody's doing well.

A Freilechen Chanukah,

FWF

Fell on Tuesday night. Didn't feel good (to put it mildly), but guess what? Was in the exact same spot (alone with unfiltered device) yesterday (Wednesday) for 3 HOURS-AND DIDN'T FALL!! MADE IT!! Not a bad way to get a new streak started, if I say so myself. This one's going to 90, BE"H! 

Hope everybody's doing well. Hatzlacha to all.

A Freilichen Chanukah!

FWF

At 5 days clean, B"H. My resolve to stop forever grows every day as I watch society decay and descend into absolute filth and garbage.

(In case you're wondering what triggered that: I saw a news clip about Pornhub (Yemach Shemam Vezichram) releasing their "data analysis and updates" of this past year. Absolutely sickening to see what's going on. Hope this madness ends soon Bevias HaMoshiach Bimheira Biyameinu.)

Hope everybody's doing well. Hatzlacha to all.

A Gutte Voch, A Freilichen Chanukah, and a Gutten Chodesh,

FWF

FighterWithFire wrote on 24 Dec 2022 21:00:

So true, FWF. The increasing public cesspool is driving me to learn more and harder and stay as far away as I can. Mazel tov on 5 days!!

Fell. Badly. 

I've been going through an awful lot lately. Trying to stay upbeat and focus on the positives, but it's getting harder. Ended the day feeling stressed, irritated, and bored. In addition, I was coming off a night in which I had a very triggering (pornographic) dream. Put those together, and I wound up falling for about a half hour on very graphic pornography.

Cried like a baby for about an hour afterwards while listening to Nissim Black's "Hold On" (it's generally not my type of music-I'm not a rap/hip-hop fan, but Nissim sings with such a Neshama, and that particular song really strikes a chord inside me-look up the lyrics, you'll understand why). I want to stop SO badly, but I keep falling after a couple of weeks (sometimes a month) clean. B"H, things are much, much better than they used to be (thanks in no small part to HHM and my miracle worker of a therapist), but I want to knock this out for good. I'm almost 22, and might start dating sometime in the not-too-distant future. How am I going to proceed with that life-changing step if I'm not free from these demons? How am I going to live life if I keep turning to filth when things don't go as planned?

With those questions in mind, I'm seriously considering adding to my (in person) supporting cast, and telling my parents. They can certainly help at home at the very least, and just knowing that they're with me in the fight would be a MAJOR boost when I'm around unfiltered devices here in EY. The con here is that they possibly will be crushed and disappointed in me, which, far from being a boost, would set me back considerably (their opinion of me matters a lot [possibly too much] to my self-esteem). Need to think about it some more before making a decision.

I'll share one of the stanzas from the aforementioned "Hold On" that's been playing in my head all night. Hopefully it gives someone a bit of Chizuk.

"There's been times that I don't want to go / But I know that I've really got to keep on going
The negativity, tries to enter me / but I scream 'Let me be' and I keep on rolling
And that me, that I want to be / set him free and believe me that he'll keep growing
Yes, there's ups, and yes, there's downs / but it's guaranteed that it, all turns around
(Just HOLD ON,  just HOLD ON, don't let go, don't let go, you can't let go, you've got to keep on moving on...")

Lost a battle. But still in the war.

Hope everybody else is doing well. Here's to a 2023 filled with Hatzlacha in the fight.

Hatzlacha to all,

FWF

FighterWithFire wrote on 27 Dec 2022 23:47:

Two things: are you sure your parents will be disappointed? This is a natural nisayon for a 21-year-old male in this world today. Is it possible they would get that and be supportive and not judge? Or, can you tell them just enough, without the worst of it, to get their help and support without feeling you are disappointing them? You are such a fighter, and as long as you keep fighting you are winning, falls or no falls. I believe in you and root for you to succeed. Just keep going and you will prevail.