The bumps in the road are coming back faster and faster. The excitement and blessings from the trip are starting to wane, and regular life is kicking back in. The pressures of everyday life have returned, and the struggle is day to day again. I have won most battles, but I have lost a few. It is time to buckle down and concentrate and pray.

​I actually thought that I was in the clear, boy was I wrong.

I have found that practicing diffusion will help me even after a few slips to not fall but gather bac some strength. 
You should try it. It works by noticing that you have urges. and they are normal, and you understand them and appriciate all the effort your mind putting into making these urges for you. You understand that your mind ony wants the best for you so thank it. 
Then, think about what you as a yid and a grown person and responsible adult really wants. and that is not to go down this path again. You are sure of that already. So then everything is at peace. Your mind can create urges, you can acknowledge them and thank it and then move on. 
It works like a charm with me BH!

Thanks, Chancy! That’s great advice and you explained it really clearly. I’m adding that to my toolbox. One of my problems now is, I’m clean, but I lose sight of why I am bothering to continue to fight. I know it’s an aveira, but sometimes that doesn’t seem like enough of an argument to the YH. Any thoughts? Remember I am a very late-in-life BT and I have very little Torah knowledge. Thanks, my friend. 

Did you work thru the F2F program yet? its imperative that you do. It gives you step by step instructions of fighting successfully. 
forget about aveira for a min. Here are multiple reasons. 
​1. Because i want to be able to decide on my own what and when i get turned on and not be forced by my mind and past image's.
2. Im married and my wife will be really hurt to know what i think. and she will be disgusted. I don't want that to happen, ever!
3. I have 6 kids BH who im trying to raise to be good erliche yiden and holy people. I cant be a 2 facer!
4. I like the feeling of being pure which can last me for a lifetime and indulging in something that will be a few minutes of pleasure takes away that feeling of being pure. I choose everlasting purity over neverlasting filth!

I am working my way through the F2F program. It is a great program. I need to get back at it 

Thanks

That is amazing advice. I will refer to it often!!