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TOPIC: A Massive fail 4067 Views

Re: A Massive fail 28 Aug 2022 14:00 #385210

  • vehkam
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It has happened to me. I cut the conversation as soon as I suspected the person was digging to feed their addiction. it’s best to block and report. As much as we don’t judge anyone We can’t afford to engage in those dangerous and triggering conversations.
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Re: A Massive fail 28 Aug 2022 19:51 #385221

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Hopeful2022 wrote on 28 Aug 2022 10:23:
It has been a few days since posting, and feeling great. On day five now and hoping and expecting a great day. One issue that I am hoping for a little guidance. I was texting with someone the other day, and he said he was having a tough day, and we exchanged a few messages back and forth. Then he immediately went to ask me to send pictures of my wife and children and asked me what kind of porn I was "into." In the real world, I would have just stopped and blocked him, but I understand that we all struggle with this stuff, and I just told him that I would never do that and that he shouldn't be asking. Back and forth we went, and his probing questions triggered me a little, and the conversation started going in the wrong direction. I then said for him to stop it, and when he didn't, I ended the conversation.

I almost felt bad for him, that he chose this place to feed his addiction. But I am nowhere near strong enough to be able to let him vent on me. The next morning I logged on and found that I could no longer use the texting program. I can only assume that the admins read the conversation and blocked us both. 

Has that happened to anyone or have they heard of people using our weakness to feed their own addiction? Any advice would be greatly appreciated 

They block the chattin' for fellows who.....
  • give out porn sites
  • engage in sexual conversations and then offer hangouts or whatsapp
  • folks describin' sexual organs or sexcapades with no productive value
  • stricter guidelines for those with ssa
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Re: A Massive fail 28 Aug 2022 20:57 #385222

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I've had it. You gotta be careful

I think GYE can make a stronger disclaimer that certain people on the forum and in the chat do have not really good intentions when they come to this site.
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Re: A Massive fail 28 Aug 2022 23:20 #385226

  • colincolin
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@Hopeful2022

Though not married, I understand your initial post.

When given a certain amount of "freedom", the Yetzer Harah strikes and claims we do whatever we like.

That opens the path to all hell breaking loose, including ignoring Shabbat and Tish B'Av.

(In fact, several people on here have reported that a real time of danger is when Shabbat ends, and we are able to again use the phone and computer after a day away from them.)

I suggest the temptation is so great, that for now it would be best to find someone to stay with for Shabbat.

Or invite guests?

If not possible then try to go to shul a lot, and find someone to study with in between davening.

In your position, being home alone for such a long time is too much temptation.

It needs a lot of work and practice to be able to do it,

Re: A Massive fail 29 Aug 2022 09:27 #385246

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He did ask me what porn sites I went on, and I told him. I guess that is the reason for the block. Is the block permanent? They have the entire conversation; they can see that he was the aggressor. I had mostly good conversations on the chat. That stinks. I guess I have to get better at sailing in these choppy waters...

Re: A Massive fail 29 Aug 2022 13:13 #385249

  • vehkam
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He did ask me what porn sites I went on, and I told him. I guess that is the reason for the block. Is the block permanent? They have the entire conversation; they can see that he was the aggressor. I had mostly good conversations on the chat. That stinks. I guess I have to get better at sailing in these choppy waters...


You can ask mods to reinstate for you. They usually respond quickly. 
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 29 Aug 2022 13:14 by vehkam.

Re: A Massive fail 30 Aug 2022 10:07 #385291

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6 Day Streak and feeling great. Not going to let my guard down, but expecting a good day!

Re: A Massive fail 30 Aug 2022 11:17 #385294

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Woohoo!

Re: A Massive fail 01 Sep 2022 09:05 #385388

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I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I was on my longest clean streak since joining (7 days) and was feeling good; then, out of the blue, the Yetzer attacked. I fought back and did it with a smile on my face. I said, "Not today," with an almost cocky attitude. I thought I was stronger than the Yetzer! I fought off the first round of urges and thought I had it beat, and then a quick search of something on the internet that I needed for work and BAM, a very revealing ad came across the screen, and shortly thereafter, the streak was gone.

The lesson is, never let your guard down. Don't get cocky and overconfident. The Yetzer is crafty and will wait to find an opening. I lost my streak but gained knowledge and experience. I am now a little stronger and prepared for the next attack.

Today is Day 1

Re: A Massive fail 01 Sep 2022 16:23 #385395

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If it's helpful here's my approach to work computers. I have Chrome and Edge but mostly use Chrome so will discuss Chrome.

- 3rd part cookie blocking by default. I only turn it on if affects site functionality
- Images blocked by default. Only turn them if needed to understand the page. Someone here mentioned the Wizmage browser extension. It looks interesting but I haven't tried it
- Use the BlockSite browser extension to maintain a list of whitelisted sites (it doesn't really block all sites but I use the keyword blocking functionality to block ".com" domains and the like). By default Google is not on my whitelist. I only whitelist it to do a search, add a site to my whitelist and then remove Google.

This works fairly well for me since by default there are no images and I have to think twice before going to a news site and the like.

The only caveat I have is that the Chrome Store disclosures make it seem like the extension can grab all your history whatever that really means. However the IT team at my company hasn't blocked browser extensions yet

Re: A Massive fail 02 Sep 2022 01:17 #385413

  • colincolin
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@Hopeful2022

The urge always happens twice.

You can deflect it, then it will striker again about an hour later.
Second time is harder to win against.

All you can do is be aware that it will happen, and prepare your techniques.
Above all, pray.

Re: A Massive fail 07 Sep 2022 09:52 #385533

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I had a new thought yesterday and wanted to share it.  Like most of us on here, it is a daily battle, some we win, and some we lose. I have fallen into the trap of having a modest streak interrupted by a fail, followed by another modest streak, and the pattern repeats. Instead of thinking that I screwed up and have to start over, I am going to look at it that I only had two falls over the past ten days. Not a 7-day streak, then a  fall, and then two days clean.
Basically, look at the cumulative result over a period of time, and not just a daily snapshot of the last 24 hours. We know that the ultimate goal is an endless perfect streak lasting until the day we die, but from where I was to where I am today should be celebrated. I have failed twice in the past three weeks, and that is pretty damn good if you ask me. 

Thinking on that level removes the shame and guilt I feel after falling. I no longer feel that I am back at square one. I feel that I am still progressing, and that should be applauded. Failing is going to be part of this program, and to think that you didn't make any progress every time you hit a bump in the road will surely lead to frustration and possibly giving up. 

Hope everyone is having a great and clean day

Re: A Massive fail 07 Sep 2022 14:08 #385536

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Yes, that's the proper perspective. Remember, the quest for perfection is the enemy of greatness. Keep Rocking

Re: A Massive fail 07 Sep 2022 18:53 #385541

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Hopeful2022 wrote on 07 Sep 2022 09:52:
I had a new thought yesterday and wanted to share it.  Like most of us on here, it is a daily battle, some we win, and some we lose. I have fallen into the trap of having a modest streak interrupted by a fail, followed by another modest streak, and the pattern repeats. Instead of thinking that I screwed up and have to start over, I am going to look at it that I only had two falls over the past ten days. Not a 7-day streak, then a  fall, and then two days clean.
Basically, look at the cumulative result over a period of time, and not just a daily snapshot of the last 24 hours. We know that the ultimate goal is an endless perfect streak lasting until the day we die, but from where I was to where I am today should be celebrated. I have failed twice in the past three weeks, and that is pretty damn good if you ask me. 

Thinking on that level removes the shame and guilt I feel after falling. I no longer feel that I am back at square one. I feel that I am still progressing, and that should be applauded. Failing is going to be part of this program, and to think that you didn't make any progress every time you hit a bump in the road will surely lead to frustration and possibly giving up. 

Hope everyone is having a great and clean day

You hit the nail on the head. Keep up with this attitude and iyh you will be very successful.
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Re: A Massive fail 14 Sep 2022 09:45 #385701

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I just got back from a 5 day trip to Miami and for anyone that has been there, I don't need to tell you that it is a difficult city to remain clean. The weather and the overall attitude of the people (in a good way, it seems everyone is into fitness) lead them to wear very little clothing and the clothing they were is hardly appropriate for someone trying to control what they see in this world.

I am happy to say that I remained clean the entire time. I remained focused on staying away from the things that I shouldn't see and it actually felt good. I was out and about all over the city and felt very in control. I had the Yetzer locked away and we had an amazing trip. I thought the trip would have been full of challenges and the opportunity to fall would have been easy, but for the first time in a long time... a very long time... I felt in control. I don't take that for granted, I have learned the Yetzer is patient and will wait to strike when you let your guard down even for a second.

I am learning that you can't totally remove yourself from the world. You can stay away from obvious filth, but getting outside and going about your day does not have to be limited to just safe areas. You have to build those muscles and fill your days with good things and positive actions. My trip was full of fun and learning, not just a 24/7 struggle to stay clean. I don't think I had even a moment that I thought about doing something wrong. I was free and very happy.

I don't want to end this post on a negative note, but I did slip up on the first day back from the trip. I was back to my normal routine and that is when the old thoughts come alive. My takeaway from this is that I need to just fill up my day more with anything that doesn't revolve around filth and smut. I doesn't have to just be religion and studying (although that should be a big part), we need to just stay active and positive and don't let staying clean be the only thing we think about. It may be a daily struggle for now, but I want to be free and carefree for long stretches of time and just be happy.

I am on the way there!!!
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