I am still very new around here and learning the ropes. I started off strong with a five-day streak but then fell, got up, lasted one day, and fell again. The two falls were like a sucker punch that came out of nowhere. One moment I am fine, and the next moment BAM. I am back into the cesspool. I am trying to figure out what happened to make this 180-degree change in an instant. Yesterday, I did not see anything on the street or TV, or computer.

Something in my head is triggering me. I was alone, working, and having a somewhat productive day. I was not upset, angry, or sad. It was just a NORMAL day. How can I deal with something I don't even see or feel? I would say that I went from working to falling in the span of 30 seconds. 

What do all of you do in that instance? I didn't have time to make a call or daven. What should one do in this situation? 

Hope this makes sense 

Were you fantasizing?

 

Yeah... We all go through this, our mind has used the run in that direction, we need to know and be aware that we are open to fall, and watch out for any weak moments.

No, I was working and totally focused on my work

The fact that you are working on this journey and noticing and thinking, that is great!



There are many tools and ideas here. Did you start a 90 day challenge?

I am using the Flight to Freedom program. I did not start an official 90 challenge yet (I think). I am searching this site and reading as much as possible on the subject. I have to admit that I am presently surprised by how successful so many people on GYE are. I love reading success stories, and in a weird way, I like reading their struggles. It is comforting that I am not alone with this issue.

I am still very new around here and learning the ropes. I started off strong with a five-day streak but then fell, got up, lasted one day, and fell again. The two falls were like a sucker punch that came out of nowhere. One moment I am fine, and the next moment BAM. I am back into the cesspool. I am trying to figure out what happened to make this 180-degree change in an instant. Yesterday, I did not see anything on the street or TV, or computer.



Something in my head is triggering me. I was alone, working, and having a somewhat productive day. I was not upset, angry, or sad. It was just a NORMAL day. How can I deal with something I don't even see or feel? I would say that I went from working to falling in the span of 30 seconds. 



What do all of you do in that instance? I didn't have time to make a call or daven. What should one do in this situation? 



Hope this makes sense This is exactly me. Productive working.. nothing really going on then all of the sudden BAM. It’s very common.. addiction isn’t this maniacal state of mind. It’s regular day to day life that has this small obstacle in the way. For me, my big issue is if there’s a lull in my work. I’m working diligently, but then there seems to be down time or a lack of tasks to take care of. That is my weakest time. I’ve tried different things. For right now I’m trying to schedule my day to the minute. So I don’t have a free minute unaccounted for. Obviously, this is super challenging, but hopefully it’ll help a little. Be”h.

Larry Bird wrote on 03 Aug 2022 14:19:

Not sure what happened to that post. Here is what I meant for it to look like:)

This is exactly me. Productive working.. nothing really going on then all of the sudden BAM. It’s very common.. addiction isn’t this maniacal state of mind. It’s regular day to day life that has this small obstacle in the way. For me, my big issue is if there’s a lull in my work. I’m working diligently, but then there seems to be down time or a lack of tasks to take care of. That is my weakest time. I’ve tried different things. For right now I’m trying to schedule my day to the minute. So I don’t have a free minute unaccounted for. Obviously, this is super challenging, but hopefully it’ll help a little. Be”h.

Hi Welcome aboard!

Great post! I just wanna point out, that for most of us, this isnt a quick fix, it's a journey. Make yourself comfortable, it may take some falls, but you will slowly figure yourself out. Dont expect yourself to figure it all out right away, and try not to get frustrated. 

There is obviously an answer to your question, which we cannot answer, what your triggers are, it may be external or internal, I would just recommend you to be curious and open rather then judgemental. Youl be doing great iyh.

Larry Bird wrote on 03 Aug 2022 14:21:

Mmmm... That must be hard to do, do you think that is a lasting solution? Isnt free time sometimes inevitable? Maybe try to think what's so scary for you to have a quiet moment with yourself? 

Sapy wrote on 03 Aug 2022 15:59:

Challenging but why is it inevitable? Many great people have strict schedules.

Something completely out of your hands can derail your schedule. Would you rather have free time with the ability to overcome your challenges or would you rather never having an open moment in your schedule avoiding the challenges but never really addressing  them? 

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 03 Aug 2022 17:45:

A key way of getting control of your desires is to fill your day with productivity. Sitting around is never a good thing. Something may derail your schedule, but keeping busy is very important. The Mishna in kesubos fifth Perek says clearly batala mayvi lidai zima. I know that mishna is referring to a woman specifically, but the rabeinu Yona in the first perek of avos mishna 10 clearly applies it to men as well.

I am finding out that it is when I am alone that it is the worst. I am working a hybrid situation with two days a week in the office and three from home. When in the office, I am usually fine, but on the days that I am working from home and my wife goes out for whatever reason. I see that as an opportunity to do something terrible. My brain acts like this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, even though it happens almost daily.

This weekend I am going to be alone as my wife is traveling. It is going to be highly challenging. If I can keep clean this weekend, I will be very proud of myself. I know that I should not be on my computer on Shabbos, but It would be nice to have people on GYE to chat with.

My friend, you are a mevakesh Hashem and I feel honored to be able to converse with you here.

For myself, I can't say that I've experienced exactly what you're describing but I do know for myself that in hand-to-hand combat with the yetzer hara the yetzer hara always wins. It might be right away or might be days, weeks etc. but it will happen.

There are many opinions and approaches on this site (addicts, non-addicts, filters, finding the right motivation, mentors etc.) but I think they all boil down to having the right tools for the fight. So do your research, gear up and keep on trucking!