92 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Brutal day.

I had a very frustrating morning. In the past, whenever I felt this way, I'd numb myself with the drug I had known since childhood.
Now I'm left to learn how to deal with the stress, frustration, and loneliness.
Raw.

But how?!

I'm like a two-year-old going to sleep for the first time without a pacifier. Only worse; my brain is more hard-wired than the two-year-old, and I had my pacifier for nearly twenty-five years.

Trying to stay connected

Are you trying to go to sleep now, or you are just using that as a mashal?

frank.lee wrote on 29 Jul 2022 01:18:

Right now, I actually am looking forward to a good nights sleep.

I'm not sure what you mean by "that" but I do recall that there was a mashal somewhere in the mist.

I meant this:
"I'm like a two-year-old going to sleep for the first time ..."

Have an awesome night, a giten choidesh!

connected wrote on 28 Jul 2022 21:14:

So you had a bad day you sing a sad song...and go to sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning

As a newbie, The thought of 90 days is unfathomable. It is the morning of day four, and it is a minute-by-minute struggle. Instead of connecting days, I am connecting minutes. Reading these posts really help!!! Thank you all for posting

welcome and much hatzlocha. please stay connected by posting regularly. it will help!

Hopeful2022 wrote on 29 Jul 2022 10:31:

Hi, Hopeful! Welcome to GYE!
I'd suggest that you open a thread where you can write and keep track of your progress. It might be a bit hard at first, but it's well worth it. (FTC)

Also, Rabbi A. J. Twerski used to say "I didn't write ninety books, I wrote one book ninety times." Don't think of it as ninety days (or minutes) with ninety different challenges. At the root, it's the same challenge ninety times. You get better at it as you go along.

Hatzlacha!

97 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

For the last week or so leading up to day ninety, I was aware of PND. (Post Ninety Depression)
It's the clinical term for the down that follows the exhilaration that accompanies reaching ninety days.

I've seen many senior members warn rookies of this phenomenon.
"Stay vigilant," they'd say. "Be aware that you might feel down after the excitement settles." It makes sense.
So I prepared. 

But now I'm here, and I see I didn't know what to prepare for.

I constantly repeated to myself, "ninety days is just a GYE thing and not my real goal. My real goal is a lifetime of freedom." I thought this should provide ample training against PND.
But I'm suddenly left with something much less concrete to hold on to.

Gotta learn this new twist and how to keep running with it.

Stay connected

Just a suggestion that I’ve heard from others but has worked well for me, keep making goals for yourself and keep rewarding yourself. You can do 120, 150, 180 days as your next goal, whatever works for you but make sure to keep celebrating because that will give you chizuk to keep on going strong. I originally made my goal 120 after i hit 90, but on day 118 i realized that i would be returning home for bein hazmanim so i celebrated early to give my self extra chizuk for bein hazmanim. The point is keep making milestones for yourself and giving yourself rewards and you will see that the chizuk helps and you will be able to keep pushing through! Hatzlacha raba!!!
-ftc

connected wrote on 02 Aug 2022 16:13:

When I am in that position I try to take on something new.  Usually Not at all related to kedusha but some thing that will strengthen my connection to hashem.  It has to be something very small that will not radically impact my day just a small subtle thing that will help keep me connected.  

this is what works for me.  Also writing out my feelings or lack thereof….

103 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

For the past week or so, I've enjoyed the breathtaking scenery below the foreboding cliff I'm scaling.
Beside me is my recently fired life companion, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
"Look at the beautiful landscape down there. What if we jump back down there?"
I'm hypnotized.
"Yeah, it truly is breathtaking."
"This cliff is so brutal and unforgiving." He continues, "Do you remember when you were back there? Life was so comfortable."
"Right, comfortable," I echo.

I try shaking my head in an attempt to wake up; I'm paralyzed.
I can't jump down, and neither can I continue my ascent.
I'm painfully aware that if I'm not actively going up, I'm going down - whether I feel it or not.

I need to revisit my strategy. Something has to change, or I'll take the plunge.
And being the perfectionist that I am, I'm likely to stay down after the leap of faithlessness.

Trying to stay connected

connected wrote on 08 Aug 2022 19:33:

The cliff should not be brutal….did you pack the right climbing gear?

Vehkam wrote on 08 Aug 2022 19:42:

I know! And all along, it wasn't. I'm only feeling this way for the last short while.
I guess I need different climbing gear for this leg of the journey.

Did you listen to todays daily boost? Smoke and mirrors….