Hi all,
I just GYE I have an issue with watching videos especially I like watching the YouTube videos of couples sharing their life and family. I do not know how too call this habit  maybe this is called phonography. I always thought that i simply like to observe couple relationships. still I recently notice that i started searching for  phonographic vids or pictures. therefore i started a a to challenge myself and made a challenge (Kabula) not to look on any video no matter the content for 30 days. I was able to do that for 33 days but after that I started to watch aging videos not particularly porn once but couple vids. after a few days i started my challenge again. I am currently in middle of it and with syata dishmia I found GYE.  I am curios if someone can provide me with clarity. 

Hey welcome to the forum. I don’t personally have ur struggle but I can sorta relate. I’m glad that you were able to keep (and exceed) your kabala. That takes a real gavra. Good job. You should celebrate with something even if it’s small. It may seem like no big deal, but keeping that kabala shows real self control, something that I aspire to have one day.

I’m interested, what exactly about couple vids interests you?

I am not clear about what type of videos you are referring to. Whatever it is, if your honest assessment is that it’s detrimental, you should use the same tools as you would use for any of the temptations addressed by this site.

Hatzlocha on your challenge and try to set clear guidelines for yourself going forward.

thanks for the encouragement!! Maybe the romantic stuff or what kind of relationship they have. I am not clear myself but certainly something that leads in the wrong directions.

I enjoyed watching any romantic or tear jerker relationship (not necessarily couples) movies. I am emotional and always cried. It’s not necessarily the storyline that is problematic but the imagery is definitely off limits. In the beginning Of my recovery I just turned away for the bedroom scenes. As time went on I realized that it was not healthy for me and I stopped watching.

It is quite possible that you are drawn to this genre because of loneliness. I believe that was the case with me.

Yes it can definitely be from wanting relationships yourself and watching them on a screen instead. What makes sense to me it that It could me its  not a Porn problem per se But more of an Emotional wish/need/want/crave to connect. What do you think?

Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes, it makes a lot of sense that it comes from loneliness, not that I do not have friends, but I am struggling with social anxiety. That might be the reason I feel lonely. I did not think of that direction. It makes sense. Clarity helps.
How did you handle your loneliness?
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Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it! You suggest the same idea as Vehkam, which makes sense. I crave connection, which makes me feel lonely, so I substitute my craving by watching. Thanks, you gave me food for thought in my journey of getting better.

There are a few things that I did that helped me tremendously.  Please understand that some of it may sound beyond your comfort zone but it has worked for me and I can assure you that when I started this journey I was not in a very spiritual place.  

One thing that I did was become part of a Daf Yomi chabura.  This is an every day connection.  It also continues beyond the actual shiur.  There WhatsApp groups etc. with postings throughout the day.  Look around for something that you feel will work at your level and it can be life-changing.  

I also made it my business to spend Shabbos by people who I felt I could connect to and who were a positive and HAPPY influence. I do have children but none of them are young so often times they are not with me for Shabbos.  

The most important thing that I was able to accomplish and this took a bit of work, was to direct my loneliness into my relationship with hashem.  I started reading the battle of the generation and realized how much  Hashem still loves me. I used that as a catalyst to really try to focus on this.  I have certain parts of davening where I think about this every day. (The first was rofeh hashem lshvvurei lev umichabesh l’atzvosom- if I had to say only one possuk  this is what I would have chosen) The more cognizant I am of how much Hashem loves me the easier it is for me to love hashem back.  There is a tremendous Menuchas hanefesh when that relationship is strong.   (I believe that a lot of the emotions and loneliness that we feel stem from the neshama yearning for kedusha).  

hashem created this world with physical relationships and a desire to connect.  That is indisputable. It is also healthy for us to have these connections (especially when we are going through tough times).  However there is also no greater connection possible than our connection with hashem. When that is strong everything else becomes secondary.