Baruch Hashem I have finished 1 week clean!

Mazel Tov!

bisyata dishmaya wrote on 14 Mar 2022 02:16:

Amazing! each time you don't give in should be celebrated because it's truly an achievement. Keep it up.  

It's hard to do that because I've been clean in the past for extended periods of time so when I start over and it's only been a week it's kinda hard to celebrate it considering what I was holding at before.

bisyata dishmaya wrote on 14 Mar 2022 16:08:

You have a right to look at the struggle from another angle. 
Clean streaks are very important as a tool to help a person gain self control but it is less effective what it's used as a measuring device for the person's self. 
It's not "only a week". It's the fact that you are sober NOW. That means your doing what you need to do which if focusing on the present to the best of our ability. 
Celebrating each day can help you be in a positive state of mind which is very important in this struggle. 

Just keep on doing what your doing to stay clean and Hashem will help you reach many many more clean days!

Today was the 8th day clean and I happened to attend a Bris today so I got all my aveiros forgiven! The thing is I still feel like a piece of garbage. I know it's the yetzer hara but this is how I feel 

Get that feeling out of your script buddy. As you said, that's the yetzer hara talking. Would a piece of garbage courageously post here?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 15 Mar 2022 11:31:

Sadly, that is easier said than done. The reality for me is that when i act out, I do feel like garbage. Feeling like garbage isn't a trick of the mind or a an atzas hayetzer, it is a natural low that comes from disappointment in oneself. 

Bisayate - may I suggest owning that feeling. Spend some time thinking about it and letting it work through you.  

How do I let it work through me?

Most of the time, we can learn a great deal about how to get over feeling inferior just by talking good to ourselves. 

The key here is to practice countering negative thoughts with positive ones. For each negative talk we have with ourselves, we should strive to have two positive ones.

Learning how to overcome inferiority complex is no easy task. However, being able to accomplish this task allows you to open up to a multitude of possibilities in your life. The ability to be confident is a power that so few actually hold. In fact, the inferiority complex inhabits most of us on some level.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 15 Mar 2022 11:31:

Well I post here so that's a proof a piece of garbage could have courage.

Can someone explain to me what the catid is? what will happen if I change it?

Did you try it? Is that why the quote says wrote on Unknown instead of the date? Did you change it to anything specific?

bisyata dishmaya wrote on Unknown:

I removed in in this post and it shows Unknown... so I guess it affects the date

BH passed small test found out my phone had saved some screenshots of cartoons which had some not so appropriately dressed females and BH erased it immediately when I saw the 1st one. It was only a tiny bit of a challenge.

bisyata dishmaya wrote on 15 Mar 2022 18:26:

Fair question. The Yetzer Hora isn't some evil demon out to get you. There's no such thing. it's not external, it's internal. Whether that's al pi kobbolo, or rational is irrelevant. The more you fight the feeling you are garbage, the more you are fighting yourself and potentially damaging yourself. So you feel like garbage, ok. It's pain. If you felt pain on chas v'sholom, something really bad happening, would you just say, right, move on? No, you would want to know that the pain came from somewhere. The feeling of being garbage is a simon from your mind / body that you are disappointed in yourself. Ignore, supress it at your peril.