Middle of the night urges are triggered subconsciously and are to be expected - especially if you are having success consciously. Read up about the various forum posts about wet dreams....   I am not getting involved if your middle of the night episode should be considered a fall for the GYE count (wet dreams definitely are not), but i hope you do not view masturbating when waking up very triggered, possibly already very erect, and semi-conscious, as being the same when being completely awake and consciously beginning the entire process.

Reply to Hashem Help Me:

I count it either way. Wet dreams is something else. I know one rabbi who gets really zealous about nocturnal emissions but that I am not interested in worrying about during this 90 days count. But waking up, yes. I don't think I usually have that issue, and I've been getting over morning urges easier more recently so I think it's alright. 

Day 2

Still going. I'm going to read some more of The Battle of the Generation and report next time  

Day 3

Still going. Some struggles before and after bed. I did re-arrange my room, I hope it will help. At the very least it feels more spacious now. I think something small did change though. I still struggle at night, but I found it's easier to stop if I start. Not that I'm less tempted, just that maybe I have a little more fighting power...? I am reminded of an article from this site written by Dov. I tried to find it again, but I couldn't, so here's what I remember.

Doc writes, it's no use trying to convince yourself that the addiction (whatever it is) isn't enjoyable. You are not quitting and struggling because you don't enjoy it. You struggle because you're tempted but you don't want to do it anymore for whatever reason. 

That always struck me. When the yetzer tries to appeal to my desire, sometimes I remember that. Yes, I an tempted. Yes, a part of me does want to slip or fall. But also, it's not about enjoyment alone anymore. 

I did read and get insight (inspiration, even!) from The Battle of the Generation, but I'll leave it for next time

reading the book every day or often will definitely help with your fighting power...

glad to hear that you are seeing some changes

Yes, I agree. Starting today, I will officially read or listen to something related to the fight for the full 90 days and probably beyond. It's one thing I've noticed makes a big effect. 

Plus the writing us nice to read, and inspiring.

Back to day 1.

I'm not worried, but I am unhappy, in a constructive sort of way. The last few weeks of the 90 day journey have been rocky. I think it'll start to level out once I figure out a good system. The beginning of that is the vow to listen or read about quitting once per day. 

So, today was a victory in that aspect. I re-listened to the end of the introduction and tbe entire first episode of The Fight. I feel like I only really internalize 10-20% of what he teaches anyway, so even though this is my third run through, it's still very engaging. 

I think starting next week or the week after, I will add some optional extras to do as well, like posting elsewhere on the forum. For now, I'll take it slow and focus on the daily task I've set before me. 

Finally, I think these posts will begin to focus more on what I'm learning and the work I'm doing rather than simply the fight. It'll give me a more positive approach I think. Something like that anyway. 

getting right back up! i would suggest that if you are only internalizing 10-20% perhaps you should listen to a short segment and then try to write down what you learned. i believe writing is the strongest way to internalize a concept. if that is too hard, perhaps you can use the book and underline/highlight etc...

hatzlocha!

Thanks for the idea. Usually, I find some takeway that I can start working with right away. I mostly said "20%" as a complement to how much material the rabbi gives over haha. But, I think either way you're onto something. 

Well, I still live. Despite what it says, I am not at a two streak, I just haven't updated. For now, assume 2 means somewhere between zero and two.

I've wondered why it is that, especially these past few weeks, I've been doing far poorer than when I started. In fact, it seems to have gotten progressively worse. From over a week per attempt, to just at a week, to five or so days on average. For now, I am not counting.

I am simply on the floor, in contemplation.

I have come to the grand conclusion that my own mindset needs to change to some extent before I can properly continue, so I'm taking a week or two to just process. Not a break from fighting, of course, just counting (and having that particular motivation).

Processing as I read The Battle(...), processing what I listen to at work from The Fight, and the secular sources that work with this issue. Processing, as in integrating. Integrating, including trying things out, and seeing if it helps change the target behaviour. And, of course, regardless whether or not this brief retreat works, I will return to counting in a week or two at the latest. That's June 17 as a far deadline, though I think I'll be back much sooner. 

Both the neuroscientist and Rabbi Shafier stress that without a plan, you're set up for relapse. Now, I'm working towards a sort of plan. Something I can start with and build onto as I return to counting. I'll try to continue posting elsewhere, if not here during this time. I've been meaning to be helpful elsewhere on the forum.

I'll be back to the count next week. And with a plan this time. 

Today I researched how to make a good plan to quit. As rabbi Shafier said, it's essential, so now I'm working on one.

Alright, enough fussing around.

I'm back on the path. I think Hashem pushed me a little roughly based on an incident that recently happened in my life. I don't have a plan yet, but I'll make one as I go. Here's an initial attempt:

Habits: I have a habit, tied to sleep. And also, weekends are a weak point.
Disrupt the habit: I need to find something else to do instead around bed time. Maybe a list of options. I'll figure something out soon, for now I just know that I need something. 

Defensive plan:
1. Both Rabbi Shafier and Dr. Leigh see eye to eye. The real test is not doing it, and the biggest hurdle of temptation is the first 3 seconds (or the "gel capsule" analogy Rabbi Shafier uses). You have...I have 3 seconds to pivot away from temptation. And the first 3+ pivots are huge tests. 

2. Dopamine withdrawal: P/M are huge stimuli and coming down off them doesn't mean your brain isn't still craving. Need to find something meaningful in life to feed that craving. I have a few options, again I will update.

Offensive plan: changing perspective on desires...more coming soon, I need to research this section more.

Wish me well...whew.

TheNextStep wrote on 09 Jun 2022 22:39:

Exercise is a great replacement. When one sweats and the heart rate is elevated, the brain secretes loads of dopamine.... When i strated out here, i joined a gym and religiously worked 3 to 4 times a week, plus i looked for other opportunities to walk (quickly), dance at simchos, etc.  It BH helped a lot.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 10 Jun 2022 11:30:

I've heard that about exercise too! Hmm. Maybe I'll start sprinting, or get a bicycle. I used to love cycling, but ever since my bike got stolen I haven't been...hmm.

Update.

Finally paying attention to mornings and nights, I paid attention, felt the urges, and did nothing. I think last night I just turned on my stomach as an additional measure. I also lay on my bed before work and got another urge, much stronger. I noticed it was while I was frustrated, so likely there's some connection there.

I think it was Rabbi Shafier who talked about documenting temptations to increase awareness. I won't be specific on the forum, but I might as well start paying more attention and writing about that process here.

To another day! And, hmm the weekend is coming. I'll think of something, try it, and get back to you later...maybe I'll research about it a little. Or take a run :0

Edit: I will definitely take a short run on the weekend. 

Okay Tuesday. 

I have an offensive plan, more like motivation. I decided to make a point system, where I get 1 for every sore spot overcome (morning, night) and every additional fight won at other times. I realized I eat a lot junk food so, I decided to gate them. I have to "spend" points if I want to buy something, that's the plan. Further, since weekends are a sore spot, each weekend day survived is an extra point.

Anyway, today's day one and so I'm at 1 point for the morning  

Okay, so why? Well I realized (and you can read documented here) that I tended to fail the day or two after a reward. At first I thought it was the weekend, or that a week was some hard point, but when I first started my streaks were often much longer than one week. 

This meant it was the reward. I got what I wanted, and then my brain was like, okay. Back to the habit. So here, I created a continuous system. Completing a week grants a bonus non-point reward as well for good measure.

Eh, it might be too complicated right now but I'll refine it. And I wrote it down, which is important I think.