bochur23 wrote on 02 Nov 2022 00:26:

I guess we can argue in semantics what is considered an accomplishment, but i think we all agree that a person who, for argument's sake, has not seen shmutz for an entire year, even if it is only due to lack of access, is in a very good place. He has definitely internalized that there is life without pornography.

Tonight is 14 days clean from watching porn, the last time was Monday night two weeks ago.
although, no effort was put in for this since I don't have any way to watch. But I guess I did make the decision to come here instead of staying where I was before until after tishrei.
That's it for now.

bochur23 wrote on 15 Nov 2022 06:25:

Still an accomplishment. And yeah, making the decision was a huge choice. Kol haKavod! Keep on going!!

Day 18. I'm at home for Shabbos until Sunday afternoon. Hoping to be busy enough not to mess up.

Gut Shabbos

bochur23 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 21:00:

I’m pulling for your success and you will be in my thoughts! Gut Shabbos!!

bochur23 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 21:00:

Hope so too!! Maybe plan urself a schedule for tomorrow morning like what time Ull daven and how long ull learn and maybe go biking or jogging etc. plan how ur gonna spend a beautiful day… cause a boring Sunday might not end so beautiful… הצלחה רבה!
hope to see a nice post tomorrow night abt how you enjoyed your beautiful Sunday home…

Dear bocher! How’s your Sunday going?

עבר בשלום
Back in yeshiva 

bochur23 wrote on 20 Nov 2022 23:59:

Yay!! I’m (we’re) so happy for you! Keep up ur great work! shteig away הצלחה רבה !!

Today was 30 days since I left my previous place and came to this yeshiva. 30 days since I decided to remove my constant access to unfiltered internet. 30 almost totally clean from watching any porn (except one time when I went back home 3 weeks ago).

there is a certain sense of freedom, of not constantly being busy thinking about how/when I'll be able to next. On the other hand, nothing actually changed internally (as far as I can tell). All along, when I had it available the urge was there, and when it wasn't available the urge wasn't there. So when I go home etc, it's still an issue. But at least for now I'm alright, next time I'm leaving yeshiva is for part of Chanukah.

May Hashem continue letting you taste true menuchas hanefesh. Enjoy your (basically) nisayon free life, and may that somehow continue when you return home.

I don’t get it. I didn’t read all your posts so maybe you mentioned it already… but can I just ask( if don’t feel comfortable answering please don’t) you have full access at home?? Like you can’t ask your parents to please put on a filter on their devices or at least put in a password?!?! Like it’s no secret today that these things need filters.. like 20 years ago it could of been embarrassing to ask for it cause they might say what you would go search porn? But today you can just say all my rebbes always speak abt the dangers of technology etc or you can even say r’Vusner zz’l paskined that there’s a איסר יחוד with a unfiltered device and you want to follow what the gedlom say…
If you already explained this before pls forgive me for asking again you can just put the link to that post please.
Kol tov!!

It's not a specific post, but look at the first two pages of this topic and you'll see what my situation was.

Tonight marks the beginning of my 30th day clean. It's the first time in three and a half years that I've gotten this far (I got close twice, once a year ago and once at the beginning of the summer)!
tonight is also my first fall in 30 days.

What happened: I found a loophole through an app on my phone. When I want to install a new app, the first thing I check is for this loophole. But I didn't find it on this app, so I thought it was alright. Today I found it. I didn't fall right away, but after a few hours of slipping I eventually watched ppornI've already uninstalled the app and had it blocked so I can't reinstall it in the future.

What this taught me: first of all, that when given the opportunity I will still fall. So I need to continue staying away from accessible unfiltered internet as much as possible (I knew it before, but this reinforced it).
another lesson I should take from this is that staying away from access isn't enough -there'll always be something available - so I need to do more. The question is what? I'm in a good atmosphere, I have a schedule where I'm (almost) always busy. And this is also only when I'm in Yeshiva, not at home. So how do I work on not falling whenever I do have access?

Please - any advice.

I should speak to someone. And I think I became more open to it as I put more time since my last fall. Another thing is that my friend did actually speak to the Mashpia I asked him to on my behalf (he didn't say my name), and he said I should reach out to him myself... So he does (somewhat) know. Now I just need to call him...

bochur23 wrote on 30 Nov 2022 05:08:

Hi bachur23, I feel that we are very similar, I hope you don't know me so I can express myself.
Alef is, yes that is true, no matter what YOU CAN'T TRUST YOURSELF UNTIL THE DAY YOU D.E CH"VSH. So yes although literally the Pirkei Avos explain that clearly, yet it's very hard to understand it, and we always trust ourselves somehow or another, Hashem is there for you and although it may be a test or some sort Hashem wants you to get passed it, that may be one of your missions here. I don't know exactly why Hashem did all this BUT.. the emes is when you fall down.......You RISE BACK UP.

so BEIS is,
I recommend like many others do is to reach out if you can get yourself a bit comfortable and speaking to a helper on gye named HHM, he is not shayich. He has helped me, although many tricks helped others as to tactics and some not for me, we spoke out other mehalchim specifically that is designed for me and Baruch Hashem I am doing good. I am telling you I am not a frumee that has never seen sites till ever. I started seeing bad stuff since 13 and was really bad throughout the years, very similar to you. So all I can say although I am not expert is reach out to a helper, be anonymous too, no-one needs to know who you are, you are here clearly to help yourself, and that's the goa of GYE. Hatzlacha in all your endeavors and btw I am also a bachur so I know a bit how you feel during such times too.

Rooting for your success to 90, take 1 day at a time. Although you did 30 I know you can do more past that, just believe and interact with ppl here, it is world's of a difference apart.
I say all this because I gruelingly care for you my chaver that I don't know.