A gentle touch,
soft, understanding eyes and voice,
One who knows. 

A gentle touch, 
Mighty steel beneath the velvet, 
standing before the One who knows.
                       Vehkam.

Humble, yet unyielding, 
Your quiet need and passion to ignite Kedusha
nursed flickering, ashen embers
back
     Into a 
          roaring blaze.
                     A conflagration 
                                  Heart on fire
                                    Rising ever higher
                 Vehkam.

Your soft compassion reflects
    the awesome Rachamim
          Of He  
              who will ever give
                    second chances.
              
You show us:
              We can yet find
that endless ocean of 
                      still deep pure waters
            inner wells of soul,
         everlasting endless sparks of greatness 
                     that never really left…
          Vehkam.

Wow, you had me crying there…..

Crying of the joy for the one who looks forward and doesn’t let the failures of the past break him,
One who who begins his life of purity when others have long been coasting beyond the days of vim,
Respect and adoration for the one who has rocketed past those coasting peers high in the realms of kedusha,
Living the dream life and sharing it with others, having gotten back up to tahara - Vehkam…

I was just reading thru your thread based on advice from a mentor. I'm a bit more than a week in on my journey. But this posts resonate with me so much. Every place, phone number, person, picture, conversations... are deeply etched in my mind.
I wish i could forget... And you give me so much chizuk that you didnt get dejected by it and now your in a whole new life!
Thanks for all the chizuk!

Thank you for your post.  I can assure you that bchasdei hashem the memories have indeed faded.

I think a thread like this belongs in the 'pinned' section, always visible for all that come to this part of the forum, and not get buried under all the other threads, as wonderful as they may be. All in agreement say aye. Maybe we can get this message to the moderators somehow

eerie wrote on 12 Jan 2025 19:02:

He’s on Shem’s Hall of Fame thread. 
I’ll post the link when I am able, but it’s in his signature 

I meant like pinned, in the yellow section of threads that don't get lost

thank you hashem for the opportunity to say no! 

bezras hashem i have become accustomed to be careful where i look.  i generally keep my eyes down when i am in the city and especially in the winter bli ayin hara it does not seem to be a struggle most of the time.

today when i came out of Penn Station i was walking on 7th avenue.  my eyes were down towards the sidewalk.  right in front of me on the ground there were cards advertising a local club.  As soon as i saw the name on the card - and before the picture on it came into focus, i quickly closed my eyes.  I definitely don't want to see that again but it was nice to have the opportunity to say no.

even though i haven't written on my thread, i am still very much here and still trying to grow.

Listening to Michael Safdie regularly on emuna and bitachon is also helping me.

i mentioned to someone recently, that I had some serious personal (not kedusha) challenges in the past few years.  I am confident that hashem waited until i was clean to bring those challenges to me so that i could grow from them.  had they come when i was still steeped in devarim assurim, i would have escaped into that world and the challenges would have taken me straight down.  Now, the same challenges bring me closer to hashem.  I am sure there are many other chevra here that can echo this thought.

best regards,
vehkam

you are a my real inspiration, and please don't take my words lightly.... look around, the altehmirrer never says that...... keep it up!

vehkam wrote on 14 Feb 2025 00:51:

Amen ViAmen. And the spiritual Kochos that have been developed through the fight with one form of challenge can then be utilized in another.
This lesson, carried in your heart and inscribed in your essence, is part of why that hug was so meaningful to me....

Keep Shteiging and growing.
ויה״ר שמי שאמר לעולמו די יאמר לצרות עמו ישראל די

בהוקרה ואהבה
מאן דבעי חיים

vehkam wrote on 14 Feb 2025 00:51:

This thought is such a powerful thought and really something that gives me a lot to work on...

When I started to feel that I'm really begining to achieve sobriety, that same time I was suddenly faced with a few worldly and economic struggles like I have never dealt with before, my natrual reaction unfortunately was ?זו תורה וזו שכרה, and to be honest there was such talk here on the forums in the past, about people facing challenges only after they have come clean. 

To hear your take on this topic in such a realistic and positive way, a way that screams for itself the truth, is an extremely strong chizuk for me, and also guides me to work on myself to have the true tought process.

Thanks for this post, as always you are great source of chizuk to me and all of the GYE family.
Thanks, Akiva 

Please join me on an approximate 40 day journey.  This is not a journey of streaks or perfection.   It is a journey of connection, vulnerability and preparation.

For most people erev pesach is a very busy day. One of the “jobs” to do is the burning of the chometz.  Some may recite a tefila or two, but for most, they simply wait until the chometz is burned say a quick kol chamira and get on with their day.

This will iyh be my fourth clean erev pesach.   The first year was extremely emotional.  You can read about it on my thread.  I had tears streaming down my face as I davened to hashem to accept my efforts as a korbon l’hashem.

Every year since, I try to daven at the chometz burning for myself and for all those that are working so hard to break free.  The burning of the chometz is symbolic  of the burning desires and passions that we are giving up and offering to hashem.    Erev pesach for me has become the rosh hashana of breaking free.

Like everything else in yiddishkeit, the advance preparation has tremendous influence on the impact and meaning associated with the tefilos.  I look forward eagerly to this special opportunity and I want to prepare in advance.

So I invite you, my dear friends, to join me on this journey.  To spend the next 40 days focused on moving forward and growing in our kedusha.  This is very much a journey of asei tov (as opposed to sur mi’ra). Once a day, say a tefila, read a book, listen to something inspirational.  Anything that talks to you.  If you have falls in between, don’t focus on them.  Focus on the positive.   (Get a clicker!) That will be your connection.

And erev pesach at the burning of the chometz please join me. Take a tehillim along and beg hashem to help us rid ourselves of these sins of passion.  If you can’t shed a tear for yourself, cry for the countless anonymous friends you have come to know here on these forums.  For the pain and suffering, for the shame and the guilt. For kedusha itself that seems to be distantly exiled in this decadent world.

Let Hashem listen to our tefilos and accept our efforts as a true korbon. Let us realize the greatness of all our efforts to keep getting up no matter how many times we fall.  And iyh this pesach we will all feel the zman chairusainu in a way that we have never felt before.

Wishing you tremendous success

Vehkam

vehkam wrote on 06 Mar 2025 05:56:

Love this idea. And also the hergesh in burning the chometz.

Any more specific suggestions as to what to work on for the forty days? A specific sefer you recommend?

Anyone interested in joining together as a group with daily accountability to work on something together? #accountabilityalwayswins

I believe that each person can find something that talks to them.  For some people it is a Sefer but for many people it is not.  In general I recommend reading the battle of the generation every day so that the ideas are totally ingrained and I have been doing that for a few years now. 

chosemyshem wrote on 06 Mar 2025 14:54:

Are you thinking about picking a certain aspect and focusing on it for 40 days, or more like a daily thought? Hows about signing up for the daily Vayimaen video AND having a group where we have to post daily a specific takeaway we personally have from the message?


Yes!