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Want to be BT again
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TOPIC: Want to be BT again 5796 Views

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Mar 2022 17:40 #378103

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 02 Mar 2022 21:39:
Hi BT Again. I'm sorry to hear about your fall. I am cheering for you.
Please consider the following seriously, because based on what you just posted about "no visuals", I see that you are [with almost 100% probability, but I could be wrong,] making the mistake that kept me addicted to masturbation for YEARS.
When you fell "without visuals", were you visualizing things in your head?
I would bet the answer is that you were. Very likely, you had a whole scene going on in your head there with some lady of your dreams to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated. Again, to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated.
Fantasizing is the problem!!!
Fantasizing is the problem!!! It's not just about guarding your eyes. It's also about guarding your mind and not attending to fantasies!
As I recently posted on a different thread to someone else, you have to launch a full attack at the extremely pernicious (and absolutely life-ruining) idea that it's מותר to attend to fantasies in your head and let them grow to the point where you ultimately feel compelled to masturbate while thinking about them.

So much of GYE's discussions are about guarding your eyes. This is obviously the first step. But it cannot possibly be expected that if you guard your eyes but still allow yourself to build erotic fantasies in your head that you will be able to kick the addiction of masturbating.

You can do it! But you have to realize that while abstaining from watching porn is a huge and chashuv and important start to quitting masturbation,  the taivos are kept alive by fantasy in the mind!

Very true! This is the Realization I came too that has helped me tremendously as well! So much is in our minds! If I can add.. if we wanna notice that this is 100% accurate write down the combining thoughts that have made you wanna masturbate you’ll see a you were fantasizing! And one last thing, fantasizing is not only about pretty woman or what not. It can also be dreaming how good masturbation will feel. Or thinking how long you haven’t let it all out! It’s all the same! Proof to this is.. if our thinking would freeze for an hour we wouldn’t fall with masturbation. Cuz it’s all stemming from millions of thoughts that lead up to this urge. Let’s try to reduce them and automatically reduce masturbation. 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Mar 2022 17:45 #378104

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 02 Mar 2022 21:39:
Hi BT Again. I'm sorry to hear about your fall. I am cheering for you.
Please consider the following seriously, because based on what you just posted about "no visuals", I see that you are [with almost 100% probability, but I could be wrong,] making the mistake that kept me addicted to masturbation for YEARS.
When you fell "without visuals", were you visualizing things in your head?
I would bet the answer is that you were. Very likely, you had a whole scene going on in your head there with some lady of your dreams to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated. Again, to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated.
Fantasizing is the problem!!!
Fantasizing is the problem!!! It's not just about guarding your eyes. It's also about guarding your mind and not attending to fantasies!
As I recently posted on a different thread to someone else, you have to launch a full attack at the extremely pernicious (and absolutely life-ruining) idea that it's מותר to attend to fantasies in your head and let them grow to the point where you ultimately feel compelled to masturbate while thinking about them.

So much of GYE's discussions are about guarding your eyes. This is obviously the first step. But it cannot possibly be expected that if you guard your eyes but still allow yourself to build erotic fantasies in your head that you will be able to kick the addiction of masturbating.

You can do it! But you have to realize that while abstaining from watching porn is a huge and chashuv and important start to quitting masturbation,  the taivos are kept alive by fantasy in the mind!

This is backed by psychology...called CBT how our thoughts effect our feelings and actions. And before every action there was a whole bunch of thoughts that caused it! If we would change those thoughts the actions would change too! 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Want to be BT again 04 Mar 2022 11:58 #378122

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Maybe you have to rewire your thinking about it. We train ourselves to have really skewed ideas about this stuff that are far from the truth. I think the most common one - which is in essence a torturing thought - "there is a need to ejaculate within a specific time frame, so why am i just pushing off the inevitable? - just let me do it already, and get it over with"
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Want to be BT again 07 Mar 2022 19:11 #378252

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5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 02 Mar 2022 21:39:
Hi BT Again. I'm sorry to hear about your fall. I am cheering for you.
Please consider the following seriously, because based on what you just posted about "no visuals", I see that you are [with almost 100% probability, but I could be wrong,] making the mistake that kept me addicted to masturbation for YEARS.
When you fell "without visuals", were you visualizing things in your head?
I would bet the answer is that you were. Very likely, you had a whole scene going on in your head there with some lady of your dreams to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated. Again, to which you masturbated, and without which you would NOT have masturbated.
Fantasizing is the problem!!!
Fantasizing is the problem!!! It's not just about guarding your eyes. It's also about guarding your mind and not attending to fantasies!
As I recently posted on a different thread to someone else, you have to launch a full attack at the extremely pernicious (and absolutely life-ruining) idea that it's מותר to attend to fantasies in your head and let them grow to the point where you ultimately feel compelled to masturbate while thinking about them.

So much of GYE's discussions are about guarding your eyes. This is obviously the first step. But it cannot possibly be expected that if you guard your eyes but still allow yourself to build erotic fantasies in your head that you will be able to kick the addiction of masturbating.

You can do it! But you have to realize that while abstaining from watching porn is a huge and chashuv and important start to quitting masturbation,  the taivos are kept alive by fantasy in the mind!

You are 100% right!

I've been clean for 4 days as of now. Now counting edging as a fall, and pushing out fantasies to the best of my ability. Doing well currently. I wrote up several statements to remind myself why I need to be clean and will review daily, bli neder.

Re: Want to be BT again 08 Mar 2022 19:53 #378294

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Squeaky clean. Happy to have a neshama and the power, as a human, to overpower my animalistic drives. Very grateful to Hashem for making me a Jew as well so that I have Torah to help me. I go on a secular form for P&M recovery as well, and I have to say that goyim who also struggle with this wish that they had the tools that we do.

Re: Want to be BT again 13 Mar 2022 23:53 #378544

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Last week was going well, without even fantasizing, but then I fell really badly several times in a row on my one device that was still weakly filtered. I don't even know why I did it, since things were going so well. Fell without porn this morning also. In response, I have now filtered that device and I don't think I have any way to access porn at this point. Also going to spend some time on F2F and talking with my therapist tomorrow to overcome the mindset that is continuing to send me down this path.

Re: Want to be BT again 30 Mar 2022 19:52 #379363

Hi how is it going?

Re: Want to be BT again 03 Apr 2022 22:43 #379531

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It's been a while. Checking in at 14 days. Most of this run has been pretty good and productive, but I got some really disappointing news last Wednesday and went into a depression for a couple of days. I didn't relapse BH but have seen myself backsliding and I'm trying to reverse the flow. Really, I just need to get back on my good habits, cut back screen time, and work on 12 steps. I also joined a 12 step meeting that has been pretty helpful.

Re: Want to be BT again 04 Apr 2022 03:39 #379539

Wow! gevaldig!!!

Re: Want to be BT again 04 Apr 2022 11:32 #379547

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Very impressive how dedicated you are and all the various hishtadlus you are doing.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Want to be BT again 05 Apr 2022 15:36 #379626

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I'm clean. Looking back at the past few days, it really has been a perfect storm for a fall. Still dealing with the large disappointment I had last week, plus struggling to control my taiva towards a certain person I know, plus general depression, plus niddah so there's no outlet. While I haven't been perfect I am proud to have remained clean through this challenging time. Trying to move out of the funk I'm in; if anyone has any tips please share.

Re: Want to be BT again 05 Apr 2022 15:50 #379628

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BT Again wrote on 05 Apr 2022 15:36:
I'm clean. Looking back at the past few days, it really has been a perfect storm for a fall. Still dealing with the large disappointment I had last week, plus struggling to control my taiva towards a certain person I know, plus general depression, plus niddah so there's no outlet. While I haven't been perfect I am proud to have remained clean through this challenging time. Trying to move out of the funk I'm in; if anyone has any tips please share.

I'll give you a tip... CELEBRATE!
Give yourself a pat on the back and a little treat every time you succeed.  Allow yourself to celebrate each little success you have. You deserve it, because you’re doing something that very few people in today’s world today are able to do. 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Want to be BT again 05 Apr 2022 21:36 #379652

Hi BT Again, 

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, just to let you know objectively you are doing amazing! It's no fun being in a funk. Maybe try some small things that will bring some joy? Watching a feel-good nature documentary, lighting a nice scented candle, wearing comfortable clothes and reading a good book, things like that. I also find sometimes it helps to zoom out a bit, in my own experience my troubles (whether they are due to my own perceived shortcomings or external factors outside of my control) can dominate my perception of my life and make it seem like the whole thing is a dumpster fire. Try to thing of a few moments where the hand of Hashem was super clear in your life. "I wouldn't have been where I am if xyz hadn't happened." Find those moments of really clear hashgacha pratis and use them to anchor yourself in the understanding that Hashem is guiding you each step of the way even though things are dark right now. Also, remember that you are a vital part of Klal Yisael. Your avodah is important and does not take place in a vacuum. Your work in this area and all areas of your Yiddishkeit benefit not just you, but all of us. Thank you for your hard work!

Re: Want to be BT again 06 Apr 2022 11:27 #379687

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Tough times call for good friends. Call some chevra here... The chizuk, advice, and simple unburdening do wonders b'ezras Hashem.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Want to be BT again 08 Apr 2022 04:30 #379764

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Clean B''H. Some of the same issues as my last couple posts, but overall doing better and moving forward. Shabbos is always a nice reset. Really grateful for Webchaver, it's making a huge difference.
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