Relapsed this morning. I was at an event last night where there were women who weren't dressed tznius. As you can probably guess I looked too much and kept fantasizing. Besides avoiding such events I need to work on guarding my eyes in general, specifically avoiding looking at women as objects for my gratification. I don't think I've mentioned it before but my therapist is having me work the 12 steps, so I think continuing with that to get the necessary mindset shift is what I need at this point.

I am proud of abstaining from M for 5 days this week, and still being clean from P. I also have davened every service since my last post which is huge!

Celebrate your accomplishments buddy, they may seem small in your eyes, but in truth they are very big. All 3 accomplishments. Keep on doing what you are doing.

I relapsed yesterday morning (still without visual stimulation) and missed shacharis. Not happy about it, but in response I finally got in touch with a local rabbi about my struggles with getting more religious. I think he will be helpful. Also went to minyan for maariv last night and shacharis today. Chanukah Sameach everyone!

Hi BT Again, 

I'm so inspired by your positivity and proactive approach. You clearly are a strong and connected person, and I'm certain it will propel you to much success. Super glad you were able to find a rabbi to connect with as well. Chanukah Sameach!

Thank you brother!

Great day today and clean, had a nice learning session and davened shacharis and maariv with a minyan, also productive at work. Baruch Hashem!

Cutting out visual stimulation is a great madreiga. Of course the goal is to stop masturbating too, but although the two are related, stopping pornography is in and of itself an incredible accomplishment. And obviously the longer one does not watch, the fuzzier the images will be in your memory, which lowers the stimulation level in general. There is a lot written about this here in the forums. Keep it up tzaddik.

Very different day yesterday... procrastinated a lot at work to the point I had to stay late. Just very frustrating and I relapsed in the evening (no visual stimulation still). Davened Shacharis with a minyan yesterday and today. I need to start working on the procrastination issue, it really feeds my relapses (and vice versa).

Yesterday was clean, but relapsed this morning right after waking up. Still clean on P though (12 days)! Since one of my biggest weak times is early morning when I'm not really thinking, I need to address this via my continued step work since the urges are pretty deep in my psyche.

Davened shacharis and mincha yesterday, and shacharis today. Shabbos goal: be at shacharis within 30 minutes of it starting, I keep not getting there until mussaf.

I did have a second relapse on Friday (still no P) but BH clean since. I also got to shul on Shabbos in time for Borchu which is a big accomplishment for me. 

Your remaining with pure eyes is an amazing accomplishment!

I agree with HHM, it's huge that you are keeping your eyes, keep it up you've got this!

Still clean, which is pretty amazing since I've been struggling with feeling depressed. However, I'm working to reinforce the truth that falling just makes me feel worse. I overslept today and had to skip shacharis in order to make it into work, which was really rough. Other than that I've made shacharis the last 3 days, mincha 2 of those days, and maariv once.

BT Again wrote on 08 Dec 2021 22:09:

Leave out the word "still". It implies an expected fall. Just suggesting....

Thanks guys. HHM, works for me! I am clean, now at a week. Didn't daven at all yesterday which I didn't like at all; no desire to do that again. Davened shacharis this morning and going to shiur tonight IY''H.

Sadly, since my last post I have fallen on three different days, one of which was four back-to-back falls with visual stimulation. That one really hurt... I have accepted that part of me doesn't want to let go of the false comfort of P and M. I just implemented the Taphsic Method for the next 7 days--the consequences if I fall (chas vshalom) are fasting, which I am not a fan of. I am hopeful that this will work.

On a happier note, I have davened shacharis every single day since my last post B''H.