Doing well this past week BH. One thought has been on the forefront lately: as a Jew I have such low self-esteem. I can't put my finger on exactly when this started, but I realized this past week that I feel truly bad about my avodah. I'm noticing things not specific to my struggle in this area (each berachah I say without kavanah for instance) feels like a significant downer. This is a bit of a slippery trap to be in. I'm wondering how others have climbed their way out? As it stands my perceived failures colossally overshadow my perceived successes.

committed_togrowth wrote on 29 Dec 2022 03:55:

I’m dealing with the same kind of thing, so I’m interested in any responses. Your last line could have been written by me (but not as eloquently). Not for nothing but I don’t think you are giving yourself an objective look. Go back and read your first post on this thread. A couple of years ago you started becoming religious from a totally non-religious background. Look what you are concerned about today…the quality of your avodas Hashem and you are pained if you lack what you consider sufficient kavanah. I’d say your self-esteem should be pretty good knowing all you’ve accomplished in a short time. Keep pushing my friend. And I do mean “my friend.” I’m here for you, as a BT who also doesn’t give himself enough credit. Let’s both keep reaching for the highest levels!!

committed_togrowth wrote on 29 Dec 2022 03:55:

It might be helpful for you to try the exercise on page 201 of the battle of the generation.  

Vehkam wrote on 29 Dec 2022 05:09:

The book itself could also be helpful. Especially Appendix A (see link to the book in my signature below)